Odesta - a romance
by Crystabel.Shalott
Summary: Annie Cresta and Finnick Odair's story, starting from Annie's reaping for the 70th annual Hunger Games. "Annie, always remember: If you are walking trough hell, don't stop. Keep walking"
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own 'The Hunger Games' they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 1

"Come on little one, we have to go or we will be late" says my brother. At first I'm a little confused on where I am, and for what I'm supposed to be late, but then I remember: it is reaping day, which means that we have to reach the main square before two o'clock. I look at my alarm clock: 10.30a.m. Only five hours and I will be safe. Forever. I'm eighteen which means that this is my last year in the reaping. Although my name is only entered twenty-eight times, a really small number if one considers the amount of names in the reaping ball, I don't feel relaxed. To the contrary I feel like something terrible is going to happen.

"Annie! we have to meet Caspian, we promised him!"

"I'm coming Damien! Just wait till I'm ready!" I get up, have a quick shower and put on my reaping outfit an ocean green summer dress with a white belt. I comb my hair trying to sort out the mess they are in, without a great success. I give a last glance at my room, who knows this could be the last time I will see it, and then go downstairs to reach my brother.

He is twenty years old and resemblances me very much: he has the same green eyes and brown hair. He is all I have left from my family since our parents died a few years ago in a boat accident. From that day on he always did his best to protect me.

"Annie, please stay calm. Nothing bad is going to happen" I look at him and nod. I'm not sure he really believes in what he says; I don't, well not completely.

"Hey Crestas!" Caspian arrives. He is our best friend since we were toddlers, he is 18 so this will be his last year too. He is also the only person who doesn't call me Crazy Cresta. No I'm not crazy, I only suffer from an anxiety disorder, due to the accident that happened to my parents, but people don't care about the truth, they only look forward to speak ill of someone as if it were a sport.

"Little one you don't have to worry! When it'll be over, we will all be safe and can finally go home to eat cake" says Caspian. It is a routine we established some years ago, to celebrate the fact that none of us three had been reaped we put money together and bought a cake by the baker, which is something we couldn't afford to do every day. This only event more memorable.

When we arrive the clock strikes two, and some peacekeepers begin to place the children from 12 to 18, in the right sections, the elder ones in the back and the youngest in the front. Than the waiting starts. More time passes, more I become anxious. I turn around to look for my brother who catches my sight and mouths me "Everything will be fine. Don't you worry little one". I don't have the courage to reply, because clearly nothing will be all right, there are no careers to volunteer this year, and even if it not me to get picked someone will be, and although everyone kinds of hate me I'm still sorry for the chosen tributes.

I feel the symptoms of a panic attack, but it would break my brother's heart to see me in a mess, and not be able to do anything so I try to put myself together, after all I have to resist only an hour then I will be back home. Safe.

To keep my mind busy with something else I look around and study the wooden stage placed right in the front of the justice building. On the sides there are three large screens so that the people in the nearby streets will be able to see something, in the center placed between two bowls with names in it there is the microphone, for our district escort to speak in. Put on the right side of the stage there are three chairs: one is for the major and the other two for this years mentors. Mentors are ex-victors who have to instruct tributes and get them sponsor when they are in the arena. I'm pretty sure that they have to change every year, but for some reason they are always Mags, a really old woman, and Finnick Odair. Finnick Odair is one of the most famous people not only in District 4 but in all Panem: he won his games at 14 (youngest ever) but the real reason he is famous for is his beauty. Tall, athletic, bronze hair and sea green eyes every girl loves him, and he loves his status, he is something of a heartthrob always around with a different girl... I never liked him, yes he is beautiful, but also arrogant and selfish not to mention that he killed 10 tributes in the arena without the blink of an eye.

The microphone whizzes when our escort, Esmerenee Bellay, turns it on. She is dressed in an enormous fluorescent yellow dress, her hair is pink and green and has golden tattoos around her eyes. She looks a bit creepy.

"Welcome! Welcome! To the 70th annual hunger games!"

The tone of her voice is really happy, and exited. This is something I never understood: how could people from the Capitol, but also from the career districts be so happy about an imminent slaughter?

"(...) Each year the twelve districts from Panem had to offer two tributes, a boy and a girl, to fight for courage, victory and sacrifice. The lone victor will be rich to remind you of the generosity and the forgiveness of the Capitol. This is how we remember our past, this is how we safe guard our future."

Esmerenee makes a short pause, probably to add suspense, and then continues "Now. The time has come to select a courageous young man and woman to represent District 4. As usually ladies first" than she dips her hand in a bowl full of names and reads aloud: "Annie Cresta!"

My heart stops, this can't be happening, it surely must be another of my nightmares... "Annie Cresta? Come on girl!"

Someone near me gives me a nudge. It is really me. I try to breathe normally and prevent the tears coming out from my eyes as I walk to the stage. I start to shiver but somehow I manage to walk on stage until I'm placed near Esmerenee. I realize that although I'm pulling myself together there is nothing I can do to prevent tears now. I really try hard not to fall in front of the country and live on television, but when Esmerenee dips her hand to choose the boy, and a voice calls out from the back "I volunteer as tribute!" I know that there is definitely nothing to be done. Never in my worst nightmares I could have imagined it would happen. It is Caspian. This cannot be!

"No! Please no!" I whisper to myself while tears come down my eyes making my cheeks wet. Why has he done such a thing? Why? Does he not think of the pain he will cause to my brother if we both die?

Esmerenee looks at him "Wonderful, wonderful. We have a volunteer! What is your name dear?"

"Caspian Dorel"

"I present to you the tributes of the 70th annual hunger games! Annie Cresta and Caspian Dorel! Tributes shake hands!"

We look at each other and that is the last thing I remember before the world around me gets black and I faint falling on the floor of the stage.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 2:

When I wake up, I find myself in the justice building, and the room looks very familiar. The pink walls, the white carpet the chairs, the sofa I'm sure I have seen them once before. That's when I recall: it is the same room in which we went to say goodbye to Caspian's sister Estella, five years ago, when she was reaped along with Finnick Odair. The sad memory makes me feel even more upset. How many girls will be in this room in the years to come, knowing for sure that they are going to die? Will it ever stop? A sight comes out of my mouth.

"Pull yourself together! And eat a sugar cube, I don't want you to faint again, you have shown enough weakness" Finnick Odair's cocky voice brings me back to reality. There is something else in the tone he used: something between annoyance and disgust. I'm astonished. What have I done to him? Does he think that I did it for my own amusement? As I look him in the eyes, finding the words to say to him, I see it: a veil of sadness. He leaves and I'm puzzled, because the sadness and the tone of voice he used are incompatible, one of them has to be a fake. But then again: Why?

The door of the room opens and my brother enters, he hugs me tight: "Listen carefully Annie. Caspian will help you in the arena, we decided to do this years ago: one of us had to volunteer if they reaped you. I'm sorry it was the only way" he takes a deep breath "Now listen you have to get out of there, and come back. Please to this for me!"

"Damien, I can't! Look at me how could I handle it?"

"You are stronger than you think Annie, they will help you especially Mags. Please try" now we are both crying. I don't want to let him down and I would really like to believe that I'm strong, but if there is one person who has no chance whatsoever of winning that is me. I never held a weapon in my life, I often have panic attacks and the list goes on and on... But I don't have the courage to tell him that and he would be extremely sorry to hear that I already count myself out. He looks at me "Love you". I nod.

And then he leaves.

I'm certain that no one else is coming to see me, I don't have friends nor other members of my family so I'm left alone with my thoughts.

After half an hour, Caspian and I are escorted to the train station. Capitol reporters, dressed in fancy clothes and clearly excited about the imminent event, are all around us asking questions. Most of them remain unanswered and are not really addressed to us, but to our mentors Mags and Finnick. They ask them what they think about us, if we have a good chance to live and come out victorious. But all they receive as a reply is 'no comment'.

As we catch the train Esmerenee gives us a long description of how the train works, the innovation in its motor and other things which, in a situation as this one, are really of no importance. "You will enjoy all this luxury and wait to see the Capitol it is even better. It is such an opportunity to live even for a few days in such comfort..." I stop listening to her and begin to study the surroundings trying to find one single detail I really could appreciate but as my looks studies the rooms I only notice the extravagance and the exaggerate luxury: I decide that I don't like it. It is really too much.

"You have two hours for yourself before we have dinner and we watch the recaps of the reaping on television. Your rooms are the first ones on this corridor, Caspian yours is on the left and Annie yours is on the right. If you need something just ask the Avoxes"

I look at Caspian hoping desperately that I can find a moment before dinner to speak with him about all this absurd situation

"See you later Little thing, we will talk after dinner"

I enter my room: is bigger than the one I have at home but I like it for it is very simple: the walls are light green, my favorite color, there is a large bed in the middle of it and a desk. I also have a personal bathroom so I decide to take a quick shower. But when I enter in it I notice that it is completely different to the one I'm used to: where normally there is just one button to start the water flowing, there is a large panel on which one has to select temperature, soap, shampoo and drier. I choose the options randomly, at first the water gets out ice-cold but after a few attempts I somehow I managed to have the right temperature and soap with orange fragrance. I look at my reaping dress and noticing it isn't to crumpled so I decide to put it on again, to have one bit of home with me. Last thing I have to do is comb my hair: an epic battle since they are long and curly. When I'm ready I look myself in the mirror: the image in front of me scares me. I'm paler than usual and my eyes are red and puffy.

I have another hour to spent on my own, and if I have to break down this is the right moment because I don't want it to happen it in front of the others: Finnick hates me already while Mags and Caspian would only be over worried. I wait and wait but the tears don't come the only thing I feel is a complete detachment from the world as if I was living someone else's life.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 3:

As I walk in to the dining room I notice that the walls are blue, and it reminds me of the ocean. In the center of the room there is a big table with all sort of food on it: cakes, stews, oysters, bread... but nothing is as simple as we have it at home. The cakes have more layers, the soups have fancy colors, the oysters are served with sauces and the bread, well it hasn't the green shade typical of district four's bread.

"Do you feel better?" Mags smiles to me.

"Yes thank you" I'm grateful that they are not afraid to look me in the eyes now, nor think me crazy after what happened at the reaping. I'm sure it has something to do with Caspian, he surely has explained the situation.

I sit down near Caspian and begin to study the food on the table. I'm looking for something that could be defined as light so that I don't have to worry for a stomach ache in my imminent future. I think I take too much time to choose because suddenly Finnick looks at me and says: "Eat something, in fact I suggest a sugar cube!"

"Finnick sugar cubes are not real food! When will you grow up?"

"Never Mags" he replies giving her a cunning smile and popping a sugar cube in to his mouth.

"I was not avoiding food, just looking for something that could remind me of home" I speak sincerely, but somehow it sounds as an excuse.

"As it seems my first proposal cannot be considered an option. I suggest you to try the fish soup. Don't be deceived by its color, it taste just as the one at home"

I follow his advice, and much to my surprise the soup tastes really good. We all eat in silence except Esmerenee who keeps babbling about Capitol gossip in which none of us is really interested. After dinner we go to the living room and watch the recaps. The career districts have all volunteers, boys and girls who look determined and brutal. The other tributes are on average all aged between fifteen and eighteen but there are also three twelve-years old children. I'm really sorry for them because I know how it feels like to be defenseless.

We are sitting on the sofas when Mags stands up "I'm sorry, but we really must clear a few things now about the games. I will mentor Caspian and Finnick will mentor Annie"

Caspian looks at her "Mags I don't blame Finnick for the death of my sister. He tried to protect her it were the careers to murder her"

"I know, but this way it will be best. Now, have you any particular talents?"

"I trained a few years as a career"

"Nets, swimming and I can hold a knife but not exactly use it as a weapon..." I blurt out. I feel kind of embarrassed that I'm an unstable 18-year-old girl, with frequent panic attacks who really has no chance to come out alive in this thing. I feel sorry for Finnick Odair because it seems as if I'm going to make him feel deluded by my talents. I recall the tone of his voice in the justice building, not only cocky but also disgusted as if to show weaknesses was one of the greatest sins ever.

Suddenly the truth about the entire situation, the delusion I will cause to my brother and to Caspian hits me and I start to feel sick again.

"Don't worry Cresta we can work on that" Finnick reassures me. I'm not sure if he really believes in it or not; I don't care.

When I'm again in my room I start to stare outside the window, but the view is so different from what I'm used to, I miss the waves, the smell of the ocean and the sand so much that I begin to feel homesick too. As if the cocktail of emotions was not enough.

"Annie, please listen to me" I turn around and see Caspian entering the room. He seems really distressed "I know you are deeply upset, and we both know that you are probably angry about your brother and my secret agreement. But when your parents died and you started to break down, to suffer, we decided that if they chose you one of us would volunteer to protect you, because you are the only person who did not deserve to go in there. We loved you both so much and could not stay there, day after day after day, without doing something to prevent you from coming home. I also spoke to Mags and Finnick, and we all decided that you had better chances to survive with Finnick as your mentor..."

"But you didn't have to do this! You could have lived happy, both of you, you shouldn't have put my life before yours!" I start sobbing, and Caspian hugs me, reassuring me that everything will be all right. For the second time in one day I don't find the courage to contradict one of the few people I really love. When he leaves I feel miserable because of what he said, my life isn't that worth and if I die in that arena all this sacrifice was good-for-nothing.

The door opens again and Finnick Odair comes in my room. He is smiling, and it's not one of his flirtatious smiles it's a nice one, a true one but somehow it doesn't reach his eyes. There really is something sad in them, I hadn't imagine it earlier... Maybe I have misjudged him, maybe he doesn't like the games and maybe he is not disgusted by my entire being.

He sits beside me on my bed "How are you?"

"Do you want a sincere answer?"

"I should hope so, since I'm your mentor"

"A wreck and very miserable and a bit crazy"

"You know, when I first saw you I thought there was something in you that didn't meet the eye and I still haven't found it. But I will" he says serious

"And I thought you were disgusted and annoyed!" I mock him

"Kind of, but Mags shouted at me to behave myself and gave me a light clout"

"You're secret is safe with me. I won't tell anyone back home that you have been scolded and beaten by an old woman" I start to giggle because Mags is very old and he is Finnick. It seems strange to me that I manage to joke with him this way: I was never good doing conversation with other people, especially someone I never met before. I look at him and then I notice it again, the hidden sadness in his eyes.

"Why are you so sad?"

"What?" He looks bewildered

"You look sad, when you think no one can see, especially with Mags. I used to do the same with Caspian and my brother after the accident, I acted cheerful and when they were away I often broke down. You do the same thing. Why?"

"One day I'll tell you. But first we must talk about your strategy"

"What strategy, I can't do anything remarkably? Except swimming and make nets. "

"Cresta, I'm here for that! And who knows the arena could be a giant swimming pool" he gets up and is on his way to the door when I remember that I have something else to ask him.

"Finnick one last question: why did you agree with Caspian?"

He stops and comes back "Because you remind me of his sister, and because I was not able to help her. We became friends, Estella and I, after all she was just one year elder than me. I really liked her, she was witty and intelligent and most of all good. She didn't want to kill anyone. Even if it meant not to come home she didn't want to lose her integrity. She did not deserve to die...especially not in that atrocious way. See you tomorrow morning"

That night I cry myself to sleep while childhood memories come back to my mind.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 4:

The next morning I feel way better than the day before, I comb my hair, put on a blue dress and walk to the dining room. Everybody is already gathered in there and four happy faces smile to me and say good morning.

"You look very good this morning, I'm so proud of it" Finnick tells me in a ridiculous voice.

"Finnick! Don't frighten that poor girl, let her at least eat her breakfast!" says Mags while trying not to burst out laughing. I look at Caspian and he is also holding a smile.

"The only frightened one am I" suddenly says Esmerenee "you behaved so strangely yesterday as if you were unstable. But I see you can act normally and behave yourself. It is such a relief! I.."

"Enough with laughing, today you will meet your prep team, it is not as bad as it seems and then there is the tribute parade. We must also begin to talk about strategy" Mags interrupts her. I'm grateful for it, because for the first time in the last couple of years I actually felt normal and the people around me had no fear to say something wrong. Esmerenee has really no idea of who I am and why I do certain things,. She is also the last person to whom I would tell the truth. Besides she has really no right to feel scared! She lives a very quiet life compared to us!

Finnick continues "Now we were thinking to make you join the career pack, but now it doesn't seem such a good idea. We cannot trust them, and believe me I was one of them. So we think you two should be allies and when you come to the last 4 break and will see"

"I want Annie to win" Caspian says " I will stay around as much as I can to help her. And then leave at the right moment"

"Right then, but if Annie should die before you, please try to make it out alive. We all agreed with Damien Cresta to keep his sister alive, therefore if I could reach sponsors I will send gifts to her, is that ok?"

"Finnick please..." Mags tries to say, but he doesn't listen. I wonder what is going on.

From what I've seen Mags is like a mother to Finnick than why does he not tell her the problem.

"And there will be sponsors, you two are very lucky, after all am I or not the heartthrob of Panem?" the tone of his voice makes me imagine that he is going to ask sponsorship money to his lovers. I'm really sorry because for the first time I think that he doesn't think of himself as a person but as an object. This makes me sad because he is a very nice if one learns to know him better.

[...]

I'm lying naked on a metal bord and my prep-team is studying me carefully. "Back to beauty level zero"

Beauty level zero, what is that supposed to mean? "Darling dear, you are such a plain little thing! There is really so much on which we must work!" For the next three hours I'm left in the hands of my prep team: they smooth my skin, wash my hair a thousand times and shave me. "You have too big eyes, too many freckles, you are too pale and a little skinny! It is not fashionable!"

They continue to work.

"We have finished, now you can open your eyes!" I look myself in the mirror, I'm different. My skin is shining and smooth and they have covered my freckles with a thick layer of make up... I look nothing like my true self.

"You look fabulous! Now you remotely look like a wonderful young woman. Allena! She is all yours"

Allena, my stylist, enters the room and begins to search for my dress in a big wardrobe... "Oh here it is!"

She shows me the outfit with very much enthusiasm but I'm just shocked.

"I cannot, will not wear it!"

In front of me there is something which in Capitol standards may be called a dress, but in every other standards may be called nothing "I have swimming suits that cover me more than this dress!"

She tries to bring me to reason and begins to give me a list of motives for which I should wear the dress but I continue to shake my head. "Darling after the scene you made at the reaping, you HAVE to make an impression!"

"And she will make one, but we must not present her as sexy, trust me I was and it isn't nice" says Finnick while entering in to the room, his shirt is completely unbuttoned leaving a lot of bare skin in sight and he is making one of his flirtatious smiles "Come on darling, I know you must have a matching gown for her to wear with it" He adds quickly in a very seductive voice blinking with his eyelashes.

Allena gets deep red and starts to reply but Finnick is already gone.

"Wait here..." she goes out room the room and comes back a few minutes later carrying a trail of the same material as my dress and then adds it to it.

"Thank you so much, Allena it is beautiful"

And now it really is. The dress is of the shade of blue covered with white glitters that sparkle every time I move.

I'm escorted to the chariots and when I reach Caspian I see that he was not fortunate as I was: he only has a green pair of trousers and is bare-chested. His hair is moved back, just like mine "You look stunning! Bet half the girls back home will fall in love with you tonight"

"Yeah if only I was not dressed in such a ridicule outfit, come on let's go".

He helps me to get on the chariot and holds my hand tight. We both are really nervous.

Then the anthem starts to play and our chariots begin to move on the long way that reaches the President's balcony. All around us there are people cheering for the tributes and clearly excited about the entire event. As instructed, Caspian and I smile and wave our hands. The chariots stop in front of President Snow's balcony and he begins his solemn speech.

"Welcome, welcome, tributes we welcome you. We appreciate your courage and your sacrifice and we wish you happy hunger games and may the odds be ever in your favour..."

When the 'tour' and the president's speech have finished we go back and find Mags and Finnick waiting for us in front of the elevator, ready to bring us upstairs. Finnick leaves immediately, apologizing for some urgent business he has to attend.

"You did very well!" Esmerenee congratulates with us, "I am convinced you outshine the others". It's kind, but I doubt it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 5:

It is 5.00 AM when I wake up screaming. I can't stop myself even if my lungs are burning. I'm in the middle of a panic attack: I can't breathe normally and I feel nauseous.

Suddenly the door opens, and Finnick Odair is standing near my bed. I didn't realize that I screamed so loud, and I wish I wouldn't have done it: it would break the others hearts to see me in such a state after all the progress I was making. But it was never a progress, I just put myself together in front of them...

"Hush, everything is going to be fine. Annie breathe with me" Finnick puts a hand on my back and begins to inhale and exhale deeply. After a few minutes, I begin to breath normally.

"Did I wake you?" I hope he answers no, because maybe there is a chance the others did not hear it. "No, I just came back. I was... it doesn't matter"

"Did I scream very loud?"

"Kind of. But Annie you mustn't worry about that, everyone has nightmares. Do you feel better now?"

"Yes... I" I don't manage to finish the sentence because I throw up on the bed. I start crying and hope Finnick leaves me to my misery but he helps me to get up, brings me to the bathroom and makes me sit on the edge of the bathtub. "Wait here, I will be right back. I only have to ask an Avox to change the bed linen". When he comes back he fills the basin with water and takes a sponge. He helps me to clean me up and when his hands touch my face I flush, and I'm sure he does to. It seems strange as Finnick is not a person you would think could blush for such a simple gesture but it is also nice to see.

When I'm completely cleaned up, Finnick brings me a new night-gown and then on the bed.

"Would you stay? Please, just this once?" I look at him pleadingly, I don't want to be alone.

"I think I'd better... Ok" and then he climbs near me. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I nod.

"I dreamed of being in the arena but there were no tributes there was my family, all of them: Damien my parents, Caspian even Estella. And I had to kill them because they wanted me to live but couldn't kill themselves."

"Annie, what happened to your parents?"

"We were on our boat, testing a new net to see if it was functional and eventually sell it. But a storm was approaching and when it started we were still in open sea. The wind blew very strong and we crashed on the rocks. My parents died and I was injured not only physically but also mentally: when they released me from the hospital the doctors said I was fine and in health again, but I wasn't. It's true you could say that I was fine aside the not sleeping, the jumpiness, the constant overwhelming fear that something terrible was about to happen. A few months later I was still not making any recovery so Caspian and Damien brought me to this old man, who in former days had been a doctor. He helped us and after a few sittings he said that I suffered from an anxiety disorder, I had a persistent feeling of being under threat. But it was not just a feeling, it was a panic attack, I couldn't even breath like I was drowning and the head seemed to explode"

"And that's when people started to call you Crazy Cresta?"

"Oh no, for some time I was poor Cresta who survived such a disaster. When they saw I did not recover, that sometimes I was lost in my world or started screaming when there was nothing to scream about. That is the moment when they started to call me Crazy Cresta"

Tears are making my cheeks wet as I recall in my mind terrible moments of the past: the blood on the rocks, my parents bodies, the time I spent at the hospital, people laughing behind my back...

"It was agony at the beginning but hell ever after. But I learned to lie to Damien and Caspian, because the truth about my lack in progress was unbearable and Damien had to run our parents shop and did not need another distraction"

Finnick takes my hand "You are not crazy Annie, your mind has been pulled to its limit but there is nothing wrong with you. You are strong, because you thought about your friend benefit back then, and you are still doing it. That is the something that doesn't meet the eye. People can say what they want but don't know the entire truth. And in your worst moments remember something Mags once said to me 'if you are walking through hell, don't stop, just keep walking'. Now try to sleep a bit" He kisses my forehead and I fall asleep with my head on his shoulder.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 6:

The next morning everyone sits around the table having breakfast, only Finnick is missing.

"He had urgent business to attend, but he said he would come back in the afternoon" explains Mags

I smile to Mags, I don't know why she is telling me this. I mean he is not my baby sitter I don't need him 24 hours around me every day. Is it perhaps that she knows what happened last night? Do they know that I act in front of them and just break to pieces when I'm alone? I hope not.

"What do you recommend me for breakfast?" I say with a smile

"Chocolate cupcakes, they are scrumptious!"answers Caspian "I already ate 7" he smiles to me

"Yeah, but you never stop yourself when there is a cake in front of you. It doesn't matter what cake it just has to be one. Remember I have known you for ages: since we were toddlers if we want to be precise" I laugh.

"Guilty! Anyway, what are we going to do at training?" he asks

"Finnick and I talked about it carefully, we think best if you stay all three days in the fight stations and Annie in the survival ones"

Mags brings us to the training center, all the tributes stand in the middle of it around a woman, Atala. She is there to give us the basic hints about the arena, she explains that we don't have to underrate the surviving skills because often tributes die of natural causes if they don't pay enough attention. Her speech lasts 15 minutes then each tribute can choose what to do. The careers go to the fighting stations: they pass the days throwing knifes, spears and do hand in hand combat. I'm the only one who stays the entire time at the surviving skill station. No one pays particular attention to me, though they try to ask Caspian for an alliance. He answers no because he already has other plans but I know that he hates them all, since what happened to his sister.

At the end of the three days of training I learned to distinguish poisonous plants, how to make a fire how to climb trees and how to use camouflage. Caspian otherwise improved his fighting plans.

[...]

"Annie Cresta, District four, you have 15 minutes to show us your chosen skills"

I'm in the training center: on the left there are the game makers, but they don't seem very interested in what I'm going to do. There is not much I can do anyway so I start making a net, the same I tried on sea with my parents because it is more hardy. A memory comes to my mind but I tell myself it isn't real. I bring it to the camouflage station in which I built an elaborate trap with it, well it is not really elaborate it is the same mechanism we use in fishing, but I doubt the game makers know it. They don't look very impressed: I hope they will give me at least a five.

"Thank you, miss. You may leave"

[...]

I walk away and return to the elevators, when I reach our flat I find Mags, Caspian, Esmerenee waiting for me. There is still no sign of Finnick though.

"How did it go?" Esmerenee is all excited.

"...Fine! I'm sure I would have made an impression if they only paid enough attention to what I was doing!" The smile on our escort's face disappears, I'm quite certain I broke some important matter of etiquette answering her in this way, and from what I have seen till now for her it is like a matter of national importance that everyone behaves.

"Sorry, it really went good" I try to put on the most humble expression I manage, but somehow Esmerenee still looks at me in a sourly way and answers with a very scolding tone of voice "At least you have excused yourself! Girl you won't go far if you constantly break etiquette!"

I bite my tongue, I won't argue with her. Anyway hasn't she seen that I'm not going far away anyway. I mean: they have chosen me to enter in a TV event where people kill each other!

"Annie please can we talk a moment?" Caspian looks at me gravely

"Caspian, sure you don't even have to ask me"

We go to the terrace and lay our self on its floor, the air is warm and it seems like we are home again. Caspian looks at me "How did it really went? Annie I know when you are not saying the entire truth"

"I made the same net we went to try on sea when the storm broke out, I had a flashback but told myself it wasn't real and continued my work" I smile to him

"Oh Annie, the more we stay here the more I'm angry for the fact that it was your name to come out. But now it is really to late to make something is it? Just remember: you are the one who has to come out alive; whatever happens in that arena promise me you will fight to come out and live a full and happy life and sometimes remember me" he winks at me.

"And besides it seems you have a new friend, am I right?"

"I really don't know what you are talking ab... Ah Finnick. Yes I think that is right!"

"Good, it's ages since you acted like you do when he is around. It is very beautiful to see at least a shadow of how you were before. What would people say back home?"

"First they would gossip about my new self 'Have you seen? Crazy Cresta isn't really crazy!' 'Yes it is such a Scandal!' and then about my friendship with Finnick 'And she has such a deep friendship with Finnick Odair, I wonder what is going on!' "

We burst out laughing, and stay there lying on the floor looking the horizon and enjoying our last day.

After a while Caspian gets up and taps my nose "I go inside, want to come?"

"I stay here for a little while longer. Not much"

[...]

A voice wakes me "Well then... are you trying to starve to death? Because you know, the last time I checked the HUNGER games had not already started!"

I smile "No not really, I don't want to make you feel ashamed of losing a tribute before the games start"

"Ah don't worry, they will forgive me. After all you cannot stay focused when you have such a vision in front of your eyes" he replies pointing at himself, smirking and doing a ridiculous provocative pose "Anyway I came to bring you to dinner, it is anticipated so we can watch the scores later"

"Now come on, I'll bet you arrive after me!" and then we start running to the dining room. I arrive before him and Finnick nearly falls on me because he did not manage to stop in time to prevent it.

The others look at us bewildered, Esmerenee gives us a very disappointed look "It is not proper to run indoors! I would have expected from you young lady, but never from you Finnick!"

"You should have, because it was my idea to race her!" now we are all laughing except our Escort

"Crazy both of you" says Mags

"Only me I fear, this cheater here is completely sane" replies Finnick

[...]

"As you know tributes are raged on a scale from one to twelve after three days of careful examination. These are the results: ... from District four, Annie Cresta with a score of six and Caspian Dorel with a score of ten..."

"A six? I can't believe it!" And I really can't! It seems they paid just a little attention after all.

"Congratulations, both of you!"


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 7:

On the last day before the entrance in the arena, tributes have a scheduled interview with Caesar Flickerman, Panem's most famous and beloved television presenter. The interview is one of the most important moments because it is a way to attract sponsors, if you are likeable that is. Sponsors can choose you for different reasons:

- You are particular brutal and have a chance to win (the male careers often count on this).

- You are very pretty and they hope you will remember of their interest in you (girls often try to do this).

- You are remarkably smart and have a chance, even if you don't kill anyone directly, to survive the entire thing.

I'm quite worried since none of this describes me: I surely am not brutal, neither particular pretty and I'm smart but not remarkably. I also have one disadvantage over the other competitors: my anxiety disorder. If things don't go well enough I could every moment break down. In that case nothing could help me to get on.

We are eating our breakfast when Esmerenee suddenly puts away her plate and looks at me and Caspian "Don't worry! He won't eat you. In fact he is very gentle: he always helps you out if you don't know how to answer and he makes you feel comfortable on stage during the interview". She makes a large smile, probably because she thinks to have been very helpful. And she was. "Oh thank you! I was scared to death that I may live really embarrassing situations on stage tonight" Caspian looks at me puzzled, than looks at our escort's face and nods in agreement to what I said. I have never seen Esmerenee happier than now.

I'm halfway with my cup of coffee when someone places himself behind my back. "Come on Cresta! To my room now! We have work to do" Finnick purrs at me. I first jump because he scared me to death and then blush because:

1) It is awkward to hear bedroom and Finnick Odair in the same sentence.

2) The tone he used was quite embarrassing.

I get up and follow him. "Welcome to my natural habitat Miss Cresta" he opens the door for me and we enter in his bedroom. I look at him and burst out laughing inside, I try to keep up a blank face but I don't really manage to do it because the next thing he tells me is "What? Don't you believe me?"

"Natural habitat?" I laugh out loud.

"If you don't believe me I can give you a list of people to whom you might ask"

"Naa, it can't be so long" I say to him mockingly

"Kilometric" he smirks.

"For it being a natural habitat it is a really, really small room! And what a scandal! Finnick Odair sleeps in a single bed! I'll tell you the truth: I'm deluded!" I joke, because the real Finnick Odair has nothing to do with the one described by the Capitol.

He smiles "You can choose where to sit: on the floor, on the chair or on my ridiculous small bed with me. I will behave I promise you"

"Well Odair I choose the bed but only because I trust you, and I saw your true self. Oh and remember I know that Mags beat you!" It's true, I trust him completely, and besides I feel good in his company.

We settle ourselves on the bed and he begins to ask me questions. "So, Annie. First let me tell you how pretty you look today. How are you?"

"Thank you, I'm really fine"

"Annie, really how are you. I was just talking as my true self. I had not started the interview" I blush because if he was asking as himself how I was, does that mean he was serious saying that I was pretty? I don't know why I care, but somehow the thought of it makes me feel good and I want to grin at him

"I'm fine, really. I am not acting, the last time I broke down was last night. Haven't felt miserable since"

"Good"

Then we begin, he asks me all sorts of questions and I always answer frankly. We go on like this for a couple of hours and then he says "I dare say you will out charm them. I suggest you play sweet and determined"

"What if they ask me about my parents?" I fear that Caesar might ask it, because I would freeze and with all the stress I will be in, I'm not that sure that I could prevent from slipping away.

"I doubt it. I think they are going to ask you about me. Of course you will tell them that I was just like a vision in your previous dull life. You can go Annie"

The next thing I have to do is a session with my prep-team. This time they must only prepare the makeup and do my hair so it is not as painful as the last time. When they finish I'm left in the hands of Allena. "I made a very special dress for you. Here it is!"

It is wonderful: it is made with emerald-green silk, it is long and very elegant. "I... Thank you!"

[...]

"Ladies and gentlemen, your master of ceremonies: Caesar Flickerman!"

"Welcome to the 70th annual hunger games! Let us have a hand of applause for this years tributes! (...) Have a round of applause for Annie Cresta from district 4!"

I walk on stage and shake hands with Caesar. He makes me sit on the armchair next to him. I feel a little uncomfortable but try not to show it. The lights are also to sparkly and the audience is really vast. I forgot how much I hated to speak to a lot of people, at home there was no problem since most of the district avoids me.

"So Annie, how are you?"

I can't say the truth so just turn the answer around and focus on him "Well, and of course so excited to meet you. I really like you hair it reminds me of sunset"

"I dare say that the thing is mutual. So let us talk about your transformation: we all saw what happened to you after the reaping but I think I can speak for all Panem, you had a good score in training and well... you look stunning. So what is your secret?" I cannot explain why I fainted at the reaping since it would only lead to more questions about my life, and this is the only thing I'm trying desperately to avoid.

"First I was shocked to hear my name read aloud in the square, but then, when our journey started, I thought about it and I decided not to count myself out. There are people I promised to come back, and I most certainly won't break that promise. Of course people here have helped me a lot" This will do as answer and the last hint gives him the chance to change the subject.

"Like your mentor?" Here we are, as Finnick predicted.

"Yes, he helped me"

Round of applause and zoom on Finnick's face who smirks and shoots me a look as if he wanted to say 'What did I tell you?'

"So what is he like?"

"He..." I know what Caesar wants to hear, but I will not describe Finnick as the sex symbol everybody thinks he is. I will describe him as I know him, he deserves this I'm not so sure they tell him this often. "He is a wonderful person and a true friend. He is funny and intelligent"

"And also very handsome" replies Caesar

"Really? I didn't notice!" I say very serious. Then I burst out laughing "Yes you are right Caesar: he definitely is"

"How lovely, well I wish you good luck Annie Cresta" I return to my seat glad that I didn't live any embarrassing situation.

Then it is Caspian's turn, he jokes few minutes with Caesar and then says to count him out of the games because he will do everything in his power to save me. Caesar makes some allusions so that he will explain it but Caspian doesn't: it would involve my instability and he won't mention it, it would only make me an easy target. When the time has nearly finished Caesar asks Caspian about his sister Estella, and Caspian freezes. I guess he didn't expect it, it was ages ago when she entered the games. But Caspian recollects himself and says that he is sorry to have lost her but he really is not angry with Finnick Odair to have won that year, and it was not his fault that she was brutally murdered by the career pack.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins

Chapter 8:

"You both did great at the interview" Esmerenee is waiting for us behind the stage. "I'm sure you will attract a lot of sponsors. Come, dinner is waiting for you" We follow her in the car that will bring us back to the training center. Mags and Finnick are waiting in front of the elevator, since they arrived before us.

"Well done" they say in unison, they are both smiling to us.

We sit at the dinner table talking about anything except the imminent games.

"Heavens! It's late. I have to go, see you tomorrow" Finnick leaves the table and goes to change. After a few minutes he comes back, he now wears dark trousers and a blue skirt completely unbuttoned. I'm quite puzzled at this change of clothes. "Oh Annie before I forget: Thank you"

"For what?"

"For what you said at the interview" Finnick gives me a sad smile

"You're welcome"

"Mags, I will be back late don't wait for me, we'll talk tomorrow" And then he leaves.

We continue our dinner and then move to the living room to re-watch the interviews. "Well I suggest you go to sleep now. You'll need it"

"Goodnight" we nod and leave.

When I'm in bed I can't catch sleep. I continue to roll from one side to another trying to find a comfortable position, but I can't find it. I try to count from one to thousand backwards but it doesn't help too. I'm worried about the setting of the arena and the horror the game-makers will make us face. Every year they invent something new: terrible mutts that can kill you, chemical traps and so on. But the greatest fear of all, the biggest question is: when will I lose Caspian. However hard I try to avoid it, I eventually have to face the truth: I will lose him no matter what.

Caspian, who is like a brother to me: he taught me how to swim, he helped Damien to find every day new ways to make me go on, he always told terrible and cheesy jokes but was still able to make us all laugh. So many memories, so many happy times. All will be gone.

Enough. I stare the ceiling for some time and suddenly an idea strikes me. As I'm now completely restless and every chance I had to fall asleep is gone I will go to him. It may be the last time I have the possibility to spent some time with him just like we did back home: on hot summer nights, when the heat prevented sleep I usually went to the beach to watch the horizon with Caspian and Damien, we just sat there talking about fanny memories, happy events that occurred to us and so on.

I get up and walk to the dining room, I order two slices of almond cake and make my way to his room. I knock gently on the door

"Yes?"

"It's me. Can I come in? I brought cake" I open the door quietly trying not to wake the entire corridor, I already did that once.

Caspian is sitting on an armchair placed near the window, watching the light of Capitol city. He turns his head and looks at me.

"Sure. Annie sincerely: am I getting that predictable?" he ask in a joking way.

"You always were"

"Come here little one, can't sleep?"

I sit myself near him, give him his part of the cake. When we have finished I place my head on his shoulder, for some time we don't talk, we just sit there watching the horizon. It is beautiful to see all the lights, it is as if the entire city is made of it.

Slowly tears begin to wet my cheeks "I don't want to lose you Caspian"

"Hey little one, I will be there in the little things all around you. You have 18 years of memories with me, a lot of connection to objects all around you. Don't cry Annie" he strokes my hair.

"It's not fair!"

"A lot of things are not fair. We, most of all, know this. We already talked about it"

"It's just that I don't want to..." I sniff

"Annie, promise me this you will go back home and live a wonderful and happy life. You will show them all that you are not a sad story, that beside of what happened to you in your life you can go on. I don't say as if nothing happened but try to find everyday happy memories; remember the game we invented with Damien?"

"The one in which at the end of every day I had to tell one happy memory?" When my parents died I lived very bad moments as a result, every evening at dinner, I had to tell one happy memory of the last years. It helped a lot because I distracted myself.

"Exactly, so what is your happiest memory of the last few days?"

"I have to think about it. What is yours?"

"When I saw you with Odair. You looked very happy and I was glad that you had a new friend"

"I think the happiest moment was when you all saw my breakdown at the reaping but continued to speak normally with me"

"Good, promise me that you will do the same thing every night. Don't let the sadness eat you away Annie. I will always love you. Now go and catch some sleep" He kisses my cheek. I get up and walk to my room again. I don't turn the lights on in the corridor, my room is only a few meters away, I walk slowly when suddenly I collide on to someone. I scream. The light turns on. Finnick is standing in front of me.

"I'm so so sorry Finnick, I wouldn't have thought that someone was still around at this time of the night"

"I could say the same thing, go to bed Cresta and sleep well. You really need it" I nod and walk into my room. After a while sleep comes and to my surprise it is without dreams.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 9:

"Good luck" Mags and Finnick leave us. We go on the hovercraft that will bring us to the launch room and where they put a trigger in our arm so that the game-makers can locate us in the arena. After the journey I'm left in the hands of Allena, who gives me the outfit I'm going to wear: normal trousers, a sweatshirt and an anorak.

"Nothing particular about the outfit, I think it isn't going to be either to hot or to cold in there"

"Thank you. It was a pleasure to meet you Allena"

"Good luck Annie, may the odds be in your favour" than she closes the glass tube behind me and I'm launched in the arena.

The tributes all stand on the pedestal, ready to run. The counter starts and I have 60 seconds to analyze the environment. It is rather large. Behind our backs there is a high damp, if there is really water behind it it's a mystery. On the sides there are mountain ranges and in front of us there is a deep forest. The golden Cornucopia with the supplies is placed in the middle of a grassy valley and the tributes are in an equal distance away from it. ''Don't run towards it, it is the easiest way to get killed. Run in the opposite direction. Find water'' Mags words are in my mind. The problem is that I can't run in the opposite direction, the way is blocked by the damp and as far as I can see there is no water.

5...4...3...2...1... Happy Hunger games! the gong sounds and we all step from our pedestals. the careers run towards the Cornucopia, some of the others too but the rest of us runs or towards the forest or towards the mountains. I run around the pedestals and go towards the forest, it's the best chance I have to find water. I don't look back to look for Caspian, he will know how to find me.

As I come closer to my destination, I notice it: there is something wrong with the grass. It's too hard and sticky. 20 meters between me and the forest but suddenly I stumble over a rock and fall with my hands on the grass. The pain is immediate and atrocious, it's like having needles in my hands. I scream but manage to get up and continue to run.

"Annie!" Caspian is arrived he grabs my hand and leads me in the forest. We slow down now that the trees give us shelter. I notice it: he is covered with blood. "Caspian! You are..."

"It's not my blood"

"Promise"

"Promise".

We walk for hours, and after a while we hear the cannon. 5 shoots this is the less atrocious bloodbath in the history of the games; it's not a good sign: let's hope the games are not going to be too boring or the game-makers are going to create all sorts of horrors. After a while the trees are less thick than earlier we continue to walk and find ourselves in front of a vast lake.

"Water!"

"Caspian: there are waterfalls! It means there could be caves behind them!"

"Let's see" We reach the lake and find it: a small path behind the falls that leads to some caves! We enter in one, the walls are full of moss and it's very wet but "It will do as a place to hide"

We make camp in it, Caspian opens the rucksack he managed to grab at the Cornucopia. "A small rope, two sleeping bags, water and... no food. Could have been worse". A parachute arrives: food and a small bottle of a red liquid. there is also a note 'red+water. Annie keep walking'

"Thank you Finnick"

"Odair".

The cannon shoots another time, I jerk. 18 of us left.

[...]

We stay in the cave for four days, three tributes die in the meantime. We only go out to catch food, the water of the lake is potable and the red substance was to recognize it. We receive another parachute. On the fifth day I'm waken by the noise of flattering and screams and in a question of seconds the entire cave is full of mutt bats. Normal bats don't scream and don't have long claws. I crouch on the floor placing my hand on my ears trying to prevent to hear those awful screams. "Make them stop!Please!" The bats are tearing my skin apart.

Caspian's voice reaches me "Annie we have to get out. When I say run, run. Run!" He just comes from outside and holds a bottle of water in his hand, he lets it fall and takes my hand and we jump in the lake. The silence around us is a relief. We swim to the river and take a deep breath. A parachute arrives: bandages and medicine for my back; and a note 'Annie go on'. Caspian helps me with my back and then we drink some water and eat some berries.

"Guess they got bored. Only seven deaths in an entire week, from now on we must stay ready the worst could happen. We must move in the forest and try to arrive at the mountains. Do you think you can do it?" I nod.

We spend our day walking, if Caspian is convinced that it will be better to stay in a reasonable closeness to the other tributes, so that we have an idea of what is going on, I trust him. It also has another advantage: the game-makers will probably leave us alone because there is the possibility that we face other tributes on the way. As we walk there is no sign of other tributes around, it's strange but then I recall what Caspian said about the game-makers getting bored: what if they created an arena with too many hiding places? It makes sense after all there have been only eight deaths in a week. Some years that is the number of tributes coming out of the bloodbath, unfortunately those are those most popular ones.

"Annie, we have to run to the mountains, there is nothing to give us shelter in the valley. Run as fast as you can" We both take a deep breath and start.

500m...400m... Suddenly the career pack is in front of us, as if they came out of nowhere. "Where have you two been hiding? We were looking for you" We are trapped.

"Annie! Run in to the forest! What are you standing there? RUN!" but I can't, my feet don't move.

They surround us. "Look what we have here! The entire District 4" says the male from 1

"Just like a party" reply the others in chorus. They begin to study us "Now to the important things: Whom will we kill first? The boy or Odair's new lover?"

"I suggest the boy. Make her suffer. We have to kill them both anyway"

"You know four? I would have asked you for an alliance if you had not refused us previously and if this games were not so boring!" They take an axe and force Caspian to kneel on the ground. I feel sick, I close my eyes because I know what happens next. This is the moment I will lose him and it is in the most brutal event ever. I hear a sharp blow and open my eyes: Caspian's body lies on the floor and his head, his head is rolling away leaving red patterns on the green grass. I break down, falling on the grass and begin to scream.

"Shut it! Now for you... I just wish I could see your mentor's face right now! This is going to be so much fun!" The male from 2 raises the axe getting ready to throw it, but that is the moment in which the earth begins to shake violently. The careers lose their balance and the violent shake brings me back. I quickly get up and run to the forest.

"Run we wait until you are the last one. It will be much more fun anyway!" but I don't care anymore.

Once I'm deep in the woods, I lie myself on a cover of dead leaves and drift away.

I create a world in my mind. A world in which I was not in the games, where Caspian is still alive and we are back home. I don't know how much time I drift away but it must have been more than a day: they are showing the fallen tributes and Caspian is not included in the list. A parachute for me. It is food and water with a note '-7. Annie you have nearly done it. Please stay alive'. I throw it away. I want to die here and now in this place. And I go away again, because it is the only way to escape pain. When I wake up I don't know where I am. In which reality: the one that is happening or the one inside my head. "Please I don't know where I am" I cry. Images of Caspian's head rolling away, green grass that becomes red, death tributes screams and my parent's bodies fill my mind. "Make it stoop!" I can't bear it anymore. Once more I drift away but now, even in my fake reality there is death everywhere.

'-5. Annie please remember what I've told you -Finn' He is talking about what he said to me that night in my room, but however hard I try I can't walk on. And above all I don't want to. I continue to receive parachutes but I don't open them. "I'm sorry Finnick" not only because I don't want to come back but also because I'm quite certain I know what he is doing to get the sponsorship money. He is sleeping with an exaggerate amount of people and I don't want him to. His better than that. I cry, scream and fall in a catatonic state.

When I wake up again the earth is shaking again but this time it is followed by the sound of a big explosion and the rush of water. The damp has broken down!

Water is coming from everywhere filling the arena. I find myself swimming in a bleak ocean.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 10:

After hours I'm still swimming, the water is getting colder and colder and I'm beginning to feel tired. The water has covered everything the forest, the valley, Caspian's head. Caspian. He is dead: he will never go back to the people he loves, he will never joke with my brother again he will not live a happy life. I will but I don't want to. Flashbacks invade my mind and I feel sick. "Make it stop" I whisper to myself, but really who could help me?

"Please, I don't know where I am" I feel like I'm breaking in a million of pieces and there is nothing that could help me to prevent it.

I can't do this anymore, I think of letting go it would be very easy I just have to stop swimming and sooner or later I would drown: all the memories and the pain would be gone. Forever. But then I remember the promise I made, to try to move on and I keep swimming.

BOOM! the Cannon fires. Four of us left. I wonder who will drown first.

"Please I want to go away"

BOOM. Three left.

"Finnick please help me!" Wait how could I know Finnick Odair? I never was in the games it was just a dream.

BOOM. Two left.

This can't be a dream it is to elaborate.

BOOM. I won.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU THE VICTOR OF THE 70TH ANNUAL HUNGER GAMES! ANNIE CRESTA!"

How will I be able to separate different realities inside my mind?

A hovercraft appears and they lift me up. They make me sit on a bed, give me a hospital gown and leave me there. I start crying, I roll myself on the floor, cover my ears and start screaming until I don't have any more breath in my lungs.

They give me a shot of morphine and lay me on a bed in a white room. "Miss Cresta you won the games, but there were some...side effects. We are here to help you get better"

[...]

When I'm awake I'm in the arena again, there is something wrong: it is too misty. It's like I'm not there. The events I lived in the arena are displayed in front of me in 3D. I see it all: the cornucopia, the bats. When they show me Caspian's death I break down again. When I open my eyes the arena disappeared and I am in an empty room; two peace keepers enter and grab my arms, they are hurting me, and drag me to a glass tube. They close the door and leave me there, I'm puzzled but suddenly ice-cold water begins to flow and hits me hard. It begins to flow more and more while the time passes. I'm freezing. I begin to bang on the glass "Please let me out!" but the water is raising and I find myself back in the arena, swimming for my life. Another flashbacks comes but this time I'm in the see with a storm approaching. I see my parents crash against the rocks, blood everywhere. The same blood which covered the grass in the arena after Caspian's got beheaded.

Over the PA I hear a voice "Miss Cresta this is normal procedure. The games somehow made you insane. We are working to revert the process"

Insane. Crazy Cresta is crazy after all.

When they have finished they bring me to the room where I woke up, they don't give me a towel and I stay on the bed, soaking wet. I shiver but nobody cares. I hear a familiar voice outside my door "Let me in! And if you try to stop me I will show of what I'm capable! Besides I have permission from the President to bring her away"

The door opens and Finnick comes in. I have waited so much for this moment. Wait is this really happening? I'm scared and begin to panic, I cover my ears and stare in the air. When he comes near me I take my knees near my face and start to sob.

"Annie you can hear me and see me I know that. Please Annie, stay focused. Come on you can do it"

"How?"

"Let me save you. I came to bring you away, but please just this time you have to trust me I'm real!"

I cry again, Finnick comes to my side and begins to take me in his arms, but when he notices I wear only my hospital gown and I'm all wet, he leans me on the again bed and gives me his jumper. Then he brings me away.

He takes me in his arms and carries me out of the room. I lean myself on his shoulder and the world seems to be in the right place again. That is the moment when the truth hits me in the face: I'm in love with Finnick Odair.

When we arrive at the training center there is Mags waiting at the elevator, she looks really worried.

"Finn there will be consequence you know that"

"Yes for me, and I'm ready to face them. I made a deal with Snow, Mags. No, don't say anything! Mags they messed up her mind! She is completely broken! They displayed the arena right in front of her and then put her in a tube of water and where drowning her hoping that she would recover! They are sick!"

They bring me to my room, and dry me. I don't want to let Finnick go, he is warm and I'm so cold.

"Annie, come on, we are not going to leave you. But we have to dry you and you must rest"

They tuck my blankets and stay with me

"Don't worry little one, we will help you" Mags says.

Days pass but I don't feel better, I'm hysteric, confused, and entirely broken. Mags stays with me the whole time, she tries to calm me down when I start screaming and bring me back when I'm lost in some horrible memory. Sometimes there is also Finnick, I don't blame him for not being there. I'm sure he doesn't want to look after a poor mad girl.

"Annie I can't postpone your interview anymore? Can you do it? Just this one thing and we'll be back home" I don't want to but it has to be done so I nod.

"Snow placed it tomorrow. I'm so sorry Annie"

[...]

"Please darling you must wear it!" obviously my stylist hasn't made the connection: she created a dress in the shades of green and red. For her it may be normal colors but it is the same as the blood on the green grass.

"No, I can't. Please don't make me wear it. Please no I can't" I feel sick. I cry.

"But it is your dress! I don't have any other!"

I scream and then Mags enters in the room.

"What is happening? You must have another one... No? well she will wear one of the old"

So when I walk on stage I wear the same outfit I wore last time.

"Welcome Annie Cresta! How are you?"

"Not Fine" And other 23 three people cannot say the same they are not even alive.

"Well, let us watch the recap and then you will tell us how it was."

The Games are displayed in front of me but I don't see nothing of it because I slip away, I just stare a point on the back of the stage. The armchair is even more uncomfortable than I remember.

"So tell us Annie, I think it was very courageous to swim all that time, and of course your camouflage was excellent. And It broke all our hearts the death of your district partner. Do you want to talk about it?"

I will never talk about it, I wish it never happened...

"I.." Why am I here again? I never was in the games right?

"Miss Cresta?"

"Sorry what?" I begin to slip from a reality to another. Why can't it all just stop?

"I said do you want to talk about it?"

"I..."

"It doesn't matter. Are you happy to have won?"

"No, I want to be dead" my stomach trembles, I need to go away from all of this.

I stand up, the audience is bewildered, "Please I...I..." I fall on stage for the second time in the last weeks.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** I don't own 'The Hunger games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 11:

I'm waken by the sensation of moving. I open my eyes: the room looks familiar, but I cannot place it in my memories. I fear that I'm still in the Capitol and they are trying new way to cure me. I don't want to see the arena again, and most of all I don't want them to put me under the jet of ice-cold water. I begin to scream hoping that someone will come to help me. I hear quick steps in the corridor outside my room and I panic even more: what if it is those peacekeepers again? I cover my ears. The door opens and Finnick comes in, I stop screaming but what if this is only a fantasy?

"Shh it's all right, you are on the train. We are going home. Come here" Finnick hugs me tight and I don't want to let him go.

"Please stay" I whisper

"I will never leave you, I promise"

I fall asleep again.

_The waves get higher and higher. The ship rolls. "We have to get back!" "Mom! Dad!". Strong wind gusts take the boat back to the beach, but it is out of control and gets closer and closer to the rocks. There is nothing to be done. This is the end; the entire situation is out of control. "Annie!" I hear my parents scream for me. Then nothing. We crash on the rocks: I feel my entire body hurt and I have the taste of blood in my mouth. "Mom? Dad?" I try to turn to a side but it hurts too much and I begin to scream. Suddenly the scenario changes I'm in the arena again: Caspian's head is rolling away and I just stand there, frozen, watching the blood cover the grass. I blink and the scenes begin to overlap. _

I try to wake up but I'm somehow trapped in the drowsiness: I'm stuck between the dream and the reality around me. The only thing I am aware of is my inability to breath and to move. I feel my head explode.

"Annie I came to see... Annie? Oh my god! Mags! Help me it's Annie!"I hear Finnick yell.

"I should be..."

"Can you hear me Annie?" Finnick is talking to me but why does his voice seem so distant?

"Finnick she can't hear us"

"I need to get up!" I scream. _I have to get up and run away before the careers kill me to._

Every single word they say is like a needle for my brain... It gets even worse "My head! It hurts!" I begin to hit my forehead. Why doesn't it stop?

"Annie?" Why do I hear everything as if it were told from a distance?

"My head!" I kick even harder trying to make it stop "It hurts!"

I grasp desperately for air but I cannot breathe in.

" Annie it's Finnick, can you hear me?" he takes my hand

"Finnick, if she slips away now we can't do anything. It's important that she stays present"

"No Please. Breath. Just breath"

I can't. Why don't they understand this?

"Please Annie, do it for me: don't slip away. You have to breath. Do it with me"

I continue to grasp for air but very slowly I manage to get in control of my lungs again. When I breathe normally again, Finnick lets go of my hand and places himself on the bed near me and gives me a gentle kiss on the forehead. We both are crying, Mags has wet eyes too.

I'm so so sorry for all the pain I'm causing them. I wish I was dead, so that they both could live on with their lives instead to be stuck with in inferno with me. I will never get better and they will always find themselves obligated to take care of me.

They don't leave me alone, not even for a minute. They must be afraid that something terrible is going to happen if they don't stay round. They are right but it could happen anyway. I hear them talking, but I can't understand the meaning of their dialogue.

'Mags, this is all my fault. I was selfish and didn't think of the consequences!'

'Finnick sometimes you can be really stupid! this is NOT your fault'

'Mags it is! I wanted her to win even though I knew what it meant!'

[...]

Finnick takes a chair and places it near me "Are you here with us?".

I nod.

"Good because I have something for you" he gives me a box. I study it carefully and begin to open it. It is a bracelet, a small leather string on which in elegant green letters there is written 'If you are walking through hell, don't stop. Keep walking'.

He ties it around my wrist. "In case you'll forget"

"It is beautiful"

"Now can I suggest that you get ready? In half an hour we will be home. Which means..."

"Damien! I will see him again. Just as I promised!"

"Exactly"

Suddenly I'm overwhelmed by fear "But it will not be really me. What if he will be scared away?"

"Annie, he won't be. He stood by you the first time you started to suffer from PTSD, why should something change?..." but I don't hear the last world because I lose myself in an old memory.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins

Chapter 12:

When we arrive, the train station is full of reporters. They are all curious if my state of health has changed in the last few days. They talk about it as if it was an illness, it is not. It will never change, I will never change, never get better. The course of events that has led me to this point cannot be erased as nothing had happened. Nothing will ever bring back to life 23 tributes brutally murdered, drown in a sea or killed by natural causes. Nothing will ever alter the fact that I saw the beheading of my best friend. I shrink as we walk through the crowd and I just stare in the air. I don't want to see cheering faces or accusing glances. This come mostly from the Capitol reporters: they don't understand how I could break down. Mags and Finnick are beside me, Mags opening a way in the crowd and Finnick helping me to stay present and calm. I shake a little and as he notice he takes my hand, his fingers intertwined with mine. "Remember" he whispers in my ear. I nod but it is really really difficult.

"Hey Odair, are you sorry to have to take care of a mad girl instead to dedicate you to your usual activities?" someone in the crowd asks "Or since she is so helpless are you going to turn her in one of your girls?" they point at him and me. I look at Finnick, he is pale and breathes heavily, I'm sure he is losing his temper and I don't blame him. They really know nothing. Nothing. At. All. They don't know how it feels to break in a million of pieces, they don't know that Finnick helps me stay present and that I need him so very much.

Finnick answers angrily "First Miss Cresta isn't mad, she is the only honest one here. Second I would never take advantage on her. Now do us the courtesy and go back from where you came from, I MEAN EVERYONE!" But they don't do it, they only make photographs and follow us in the main square.

When we arrive in the main square, where the celebrations are going to take place, I look around to find my brother. But he isn't there. It seems that the whole district population has gathered there except him. The only person who really mattered and who would have been there because he sincerely is happy and pleased about my return home. Everyone else is surely thinking why it has to be Crazy Cresta to return and not Caspian Dorel. How is it even possible? If only they knew, that I ask myself the same question many times in a day.

Why is my brother not here? Is this one of the dark realities I sometimes live in my mind?

He promised he would be here! Just as I did!

I turn towards Mags and Finnick "Where is he? Finn? Mags? Please I want to see my brother!"

"Is he dead? just like Caspian?" I'm crying again.

Finnick holds my hand even tighter "I'm sure everything is all right, but please Annie stay calm, don't disappear. Do it for me" His tone is calm but his pupils are widening and I know that he is losing control again. Mags takes his hand "Finnick let us try at the justice building".

But that is the moment I hear a voice screaming for me. We turn around, and there he is: Damien. He is running towards us safe and sound. Something strange happens, I smile and really want to go to him but I'm paralyzed, what if this is a dream?

"It is real Annie" Finnick whispers in my ear and lets go of my hand. And so I start running towards him. We meet half way in the street and we collide both crying. But it is not a cry of pain, it is of pure joy. I'm so happy! I never thought it could be possible.

"Come on Crestas let us go home" Finnick says. "They can celebrate without us"

I spend the rest of the day with Finnick, my brother and Mags, Damien tells us what happened in the last weeks in the district and then asks us all to stay for dinner. In the whole afternoon we don't mention the games once. While we are having dinner, suddenly there is a knock on the door. I start screaming, in fear that someone comes to kill us all because of what I said in the interview. But when Damien opens the door, there are no peacekeepers but a lovely young girl, with red hair and blue eyes. "Sorry if I'm intruding. I completely forgot that your sister came home today" She doesn't mention my scream and I'm grateful for it.

"Do you want to stay?" my brother is embarrassed.

"Damien dear, first you should introduce us!"

Dear? Embarrassment? I finally understand: my brother and her are a couple! I can't believe it! he spent the afternoon gossiping and did not mention this?

"Ygritte these are my sister Annie, Finnick and Mags. Annie, Finnick, Mags this is Ygritte"

"Nice to meet you" say Mags and Finnick

"And when exactly had you intention to tell us that she is your girlfriend?" I joke

"Wait until Caspian finds out" I blurt out but then I realize what I said and I cover my mouth with my hands and begin to cry. Because Caspian will never find out, will not joke about it and because he will never live a similar experience. I stand up and walk away. I go to the beach and sit me on the sand without even thinking about the water in front of me, and I fix on the horizon. It's just me and horrible flashbacks everything else has disappeared. All of a sudden a voice calls me back. It is Ygritte. She sits near me and places a hand o my shoulder.

"Annie, I'm so sorry. I didn't want to go it like this"

"It is not your fault, there are more realities in my head and sometimes they all don't make sense" I sob.

"Then ask someone, Finnick or Mags, they will never lie to you. I think they both love you so much"

"No they just feel obligated to look after me! Because I'm insane you know"

"You are not, Annie. And they don't feel obligated towards you or they wouldn't have stayed for dinner"

"Ygritte, you and my brother are a couple. True or not?

"True" she smiles "We met because I started to argue about the fact that you deserved to get home with some morons in the square"

That is a nice way to meet, and somehow funny because no one would imagine Ygritte starting an argument in the square. I giggle.

She brings me back to the house and we continue dinner. At 10.00 Finnick suggest that it is time for him and Mags to leave. They promise me I will see them tomorrow. I go upstairs in my room and lay myself on the bed looking at the stars out of the window and listening to the rush of the ocean. I'm exhausted. After a while my brother comes in.

"I wanted to know if everything was alright, well not everything, but you know what I mean"

"Yes"

"I'm so sorry about Caspian, Annie. I saw the games. I will not say that I know how you feel because no one could but I can imagine it. You must know that I will be here for you, just as I was here a few years ago" he hugs me. "You have three new friends, did you notice?"

"That's the same thing Caspian told me. I miss him you know"

"I miss him too. Now try to rest little one. I see you tomorrow"

_Every evening try to find one happy memory, do it for me._ Caspian words are in my head... "Finnick giving me the bracelet, because after everything I have been through he did not run away but tried to find an alternative way to help me" Damien turns to me "You remember the game."

"Caspian told me to do this every evening, he promised that one day I would have a lot of happy memories and this would have been more than the sad ones. Your turn"

"Meeting Ygritte, I was happy to finally see a person who would be glad to have you back, even if she didn't know you. I'm downstairs if you need me. But really Finnick Odair giving you that lovely bracelet is better than see me again?" he jokes.

"Well he is the famous Finnick Odair. Besides I could say the same thing"

"Touchè"

I smile to him and then fall asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 13:

A week after my return home I decide to move to the 'Victors' Village', it is the best thing to do. There are too many memories at my old house and I don't want to trouble my brother anymore. Even if he says that he doesn't care, I know that sometimes he looks at me wondering if he did the right thing to ask to bring me back from the arena. He doesn't mean it in a bad way but I think that he fears that one day I will begin to hate him for it. I never could.

It took several days of explanations and reassurances to finally make him say yes, but in the end he let me go only with the promise that I would call Mags or Finnick if I needed someone. I'm sure he asked them to keep an eye on me to.

So here I am, one morning, standing in front of my new home. It is beautiful: the smallest in the village just as I like it most. Small and comfy. It is blue with white shutters on the windows, it has a garden on the back that faces the oceans and there are even a table and chairs to eat outside.

"Love it!"

"I knew you would Cresta! Since it is near mine" replies Finnick

"ha-ha, what a comedian I have as neighbor" It's true though I live near him and in front of Mags.

[...]

The days pass and Caspian's funeral gets closer and closer. I really want to go but when the day comes I'm hysteric and haunted by terrible flashbacks that I don't manage to go out. My brother and Ygritte go and then tell me everything that happened. Apparently the whole District population was there acting as if they really cared about him. I cry because they didn't even know him but managed to go while I, his friend, didn't.

"Annie, we are so sorry" from Ygritte's face I know they are not telling the entire truth. It is not difficult to guess what.

"What did they say?" I ask her

"Annie I don't..." my brother tries to persuade me to let the matter fall. But I want to know what they invented this time. What could they possibly find as argument for my absence.

"What did they say?" I shout at them.

"I tell you but please Annie remember this: they don't know you, so don't let it afflict you. Please promise"

"I promise"

"They wonder why you didn't go. With what courage that is, since he died because of you. And so on... Annie they did the same with Finnick"

"What?" Why should they talk badly of him. I don't understand.

"Are you sure you want to hear it?" she has a painful expression on her face, but I nod.

"They accused him of letting Estella's brother die, because you where his lover"

I begin to scream. Why do they judge me? Or Finnick? Why can't they stop, just this once? Why do they have to invent such lies?

When I calm down again, Damien looks at me and says "This will make you feel better. Guess what Ygritte told them" I look at them, I really have no idea, besides I'm holding back memories.

"Morons, all of you! You have no idea what that girl went through. I hope you are not overwhelmed by all the lies you are telling" I manage to smile to her.

[...]

That evening I assure everyone that I can cope on my own, that yes I will ask them for help if I need it. When everyone is gone I go out in the garden and watch the horizon. Suddenly an idea strikes me: I will make Caspian's own funeral. And I will be the only person invited. I will wake up before sunrise, buy some chocolate cupcakes and sit on our spot on the sand. I will have a pick-nick in his honor, I think he would have like it best.

The next morning I get up early and prepare the basket with a table-cloth, glasses and a dish. I put on a green dress and walk out of the house. When I'm at the baker's the other clients look at me in a strange way and begin to whisper to themselves, but I don't care I have things to do. "Miss Cresta?"

"What?" I slipped away without even noticing it. What did I want? Ah yes now I remember

"It's your turn"

"Six chocolate cupcakes!" He gives me them and I put them in the basket.

The sun is already at the horizon when I arrive on the beach, and in a pair of minutes the sky shades in pink, yellows and blues. Perfect. I put the cloth on the sand and begin to eat but that's when I notice it: I forgot the juice on my kitchen table! I struggle for a moment because now it won't be perfect, but then I'm drawn back in the reality inside my mind. _What do you mean you forgot to buy the bread, Caspian? Oh come on Annie, we will have our pick-nick without it! _and then another memory is in front of my eyes _You should try this cupcakes they are delicious I already had seven!_ I begin to cry and laugh at the same time. I don't know why. It feels like I'm sad and happy. I take a cupcake and begin to eat it "You were right Caspian, they are really good!"

"Is there a chance I can have one too? And of course join this pretty lady for breakfast?" I jump, then I turn around. It's only Finnick. He is holding something in his hands. "I brought Juice!"

"My juice! Thank you and yes you can join me if you want. I was saying goodbye to Caspian."

"Excellent, from what I knew of him, he would have liked the idea very much" He sits near me and leans his arm on my shoulders. It feels good, he is so warm. "Have a cupcake! Caspian adored cake, in every shape it could be done. It only had to be cake. And he loved sunrise"

Then I'm lost in side my head once more, but this time it is only happy memories I see.

I stretch my hand to grab another cup cake when I see there is only one left. "I can't believe it! You eat them all!"

"I asked you! You said yes!" Finnick laughs

"No way! You are only messing up with me!"

"Not true! I swear. Ok not true but I really asked you and you know what they say 'who keeps silence, consents'" I put on an indignant expression but the result is only to make him laugh more. "Come on Cresta I have brought you the juice!"

I don't know how much time we spent on that strand but after a while I look at Finnick and say "Everyone was dead. True or not?"

"True"

"Caspian died because of me?"

He looks at me gravely "Untrue, he protected you because he loved you and you were his family"

"You stay here because you feel obligated to?"

"Annie, absolutely untrue. How could you think that of me" he looks surprised at my question "I'm here because you are my friend"

Good. One thing I don't have to wonder about anymore.


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 14:

I set up a routine: I usually have breakfast at Mags' house (she is really a good cook) and Finnick joins us. Then I work in my garden (every single gesture helps me to stay focused on reality. And it is nice to see results at the end of my day), while Mags knits and Finnick writes poetry (I'm not sure if he really does it, because usually when we ask him how much he has already written he just shrugs and smiles) sitting on the wooden chairs, later I have lunch with them. In the afternoon I help Ygritte to make the jewellery she sells at the market and to the Capitol and at dinner I stay with her and my brother.

I feel a lot better, it's true I still slip away and fall in a catatonic state during which I'm tormented by memories, I still scream randomly during the day and sometimes I cry and become hysteric but it doesn't happen so often as before.

One day I am sitting in Ygritte's kitchen helping her, when she suddenly looks at me and says "I think your brother is going to propose to me. Annie, answer me honestly: do you mind?" I look at her bewildered, why should I mind? It is a really wonderful thing, besides I like her very much. "No! Why should I? It is fantastic news! Means I will have dinner elsewhere so that he can do it without me intruding""

"Yes it is. But there will be nothing to intrude since I'm going to answer no. I'm really tired of him!" she makes a blank face.

"Of course" We both are laughing because it's not true: seeing them together the last thing one would say is that they are not in love, and sometimes when they look at each other it's like they are the only two persons in the world.

Suddenly Ygritte gets serious again and looks me in the eyes and studies my face with an inquiring gaze.

"What?"

"Annie, do you love Finnick?"

I don't answer and continue to twist the wire with the sea shells.

"Annie?"

I keep ignoring her, yes I love him but I don't want to talk about it since nothing is ever going to happen. But I'm forced to answer because she is staring at me and I hate it when people do it. And she knows it, so she is going to do it for the entire evening if necessary. I sight, putting aside the string I'm holding.

"Yes, I do love him. When I'm with him I feel better and I can't never have enough of his presence. He always manages to make me feel better. Ygritte, when I'm with him the world seems to be in the right place! And trust me I know that it is not"

Ygritte is smiling "Annie, you should tell him this things!"

"Why?"

"Because, you silly thing, I think he loves you too!" Does he? I never thought about it.

"Annie you should see your face!" Ygritte is now laughing "You are completely shocked! Come on Annie, I can't be the only one to notice it! He hardly loses you of his sight! I tell you something: when you fall in love with the right person it is the best thing in the world if you have the chance to be happy, grab it. You two deserve it as much as anybody else. Now go and tell him!"

"What if he is busy?"

"Annie are you scared?"

"A little perhaps" It was a rhetoric question because she literally shoves me out of the door.

I walk to the Victor Village and knock of Finnick's door, on my way I think of turning around but Ygritte will know it. She knows everything: she reads people like they were open books.

Finnick opens immediately "Annie, has something happened?".

"Yes... No... Well Yes but nothing dreadful. God, this is all Ygritte's fault!" I don't know how to explain it to him. "Ygritte?" he is astonished "Yes... She said that she will refuse my brother's proposal, no wait she will say no but she means yes and then we were laughing imagining Damien's face. But then she asked me something and replied to me and shoved me out of the door"

"Annie are you all right?" He looks worried. I would be too, I must be in a complete mess, besides my speech doesn't make sense.

"I'm happy about them! But it's not that! This is ridiculous and without sense and trust me I know a lot of things that don't make sense my entire mind is full of nonsensical things"

"Annie calm down. And tell me all from the beginning" he makes me sit on his sofa and then sits near me. I slowly give him an account of Ygritte's jokes about the proposal.

"Finnick, fact is I have to tell you something"

"Go on"

"I love you, I have loved you for a long time now and Ygritte said I had to tell you, so here I am" I look at him and he looks like someone just hit him in the face.

"Annie, I'm so sorry, I can't..." he is panicking. Good I knew this was a wrong idea. I get up and before he can say anything I walk away. Splendid now I have ruined our friendship. Guess Ygritte should improve her deduction skills. I go and sit in the garden losing myself inside my head. When I come back to reality I notice that Finnick is sitting beside me, he looks distressed and his eyes are red and puffy like he cried.

"The door was open" he looks at me and sights "Annie I'm sorry for earlier, it was unexpected, well not entirely but..."

"Don't worry, I can..."

"No Annie I have to tell you something which will make you change your mind about me. When I won the games, President Snow made me an offer: because of my youth and popularity in the Capitol I had to sell myself to rich persons the moment I turned 16. I refused, I was disgusted and shocked, I mean I won the games and the deal was that I should live the rest of my life in peace; so Snow killed my family and asked me again. This time I said yes because I wanted to protect Mags. And so every time I go to the Capitol I meet people who use me for they own reasons. I'm the Capitol's whore Annie" silent tears are wetting his cheeks while he talks. And I begin to cry too because now I understand it all: the behavior, the clothing, the fancy-lovers.

He takes a deep breath and goes on "So I put on an act: I begun to act selfish, arrogant and vain here so that people didn't want to relate with me and in the Capitol or when a camera was around I added to the list being flirtatious just as they expected from me. And it went perfectly fine until you came and I learn to know you. I begun to act as my true-self again and it felt good: being with you help me to stay sane even if I was seeing a lot of clients. When the games started I decided to accept sponsor-ship money from my clients to help you especially after Caspian's death. But that was the moment I begun to be selfish again, because I saw your distress and wanted you to come out alive. When you came out and where a mess I begun to feel remorse because I wondered if I had done the right thing and it was, especially for me. I couldn't have lived with the thought of never seeing you again. Annie you crept up upon me. I love you"

He wipes away my tears and then leans forward to kiss me. And in the moment his lips touch mine I know Ygritte was right. The world seems a right place and everything is as it should be: I love Finnick and he loves me. Nothing is of importance: my shattered mind, his past, as long as I'm with him here and now and forever.

"You can stay for dinner if you want to, but I have only the fish soup Mags made me yesterday"

"Always loved fish soup" he takes my hand and we go inside. We lay the table and warm up the soup, and he never lets go of my hand.

"You can let go of my hand" I hope he doesn't. I need him desperately near me.

"Tell you a secret Cresta. I never will" and he doesn't.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 15:

Two months after Caspian's funeral, I finally settle my mind to go and visit his parents. I'm really scared to face them but I think it is something I have to do. There are too many questions left unanswered and above all I want to apologize with them. It is something I have thought on a lot lately.

It is early in the morning, I'm lying in bed, cuddling with Finnick when I decide to tell him about my plan.

"Finn" I whisper. I don't get a response.

"FINN" I try again. Nothing still. I struggle to free me from his embrace and then sit on the bed. Eventually he gives me his attention.

"Come back" he whispers

"No! 'cos you aren't listening!"

"Course I was" he says in an indignant voice

"No you were not!"

"Ok, I wasn't but that's because you were only whispering my name"

"I was trying to start a conversation! I have taken a decision: I'm going to see Caspian's parents. Today"

Now he gets up too.

"Annie, do you think it's wise?" He looks worried

"I'm ready and I think it's time. And I'm going alone"

As much as I love him, I don't want him to come. It would be probably too painful for Caspian's parents to see the two people who came back instead of their children.

"My love, if you insist. But please stay here a little more" he kisses me and embraces me.

"Get off! I must get ready" Truth is: if I decide to stay a little longer I may lose the courage to go out. And this is something I have to do.

[...]

In the early afternoon I walk to the Dorell's. Their house is not very distant from my old one and from the Victor's Village. I take the long way to reach it. I want to have a little more time to think about what I'm going to say.

When I arrive, I knock on the door. Nothing. I knock again hoping that someone will open and most of all that they will let me in and not shut the door. I wait but no one opens. This was such a bad idea. I turn around and when I arrived at the gate the door opens.

"Annie? Annie Cresta?"

"I came to..." this is such an awkward situation.

"Please come in. I go and call Marion" Caspian's father makes sit in the living room, but I stay on the doorstep.

"Annie, how are you?"

"I'm so sorry that I came back. I'm sorry about Caspian. I'm sorry about Estella" I blurt out "I should have died in that arena"

"Annie, he told us about the deal he made with you brother. We don't understand completely why he did this but he was an adult and we are sure he had his reasons. Yes, we were shocked to hear it... but.." they begin to cry, and we just stay there without saying anything.

I came here for another reason but what was it? I can't remember. The funeral right.

"I'm sorry about the funeral, about not being able to go there. The things they said...They...I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have come here. I must go" I was wrong, I can't do this. I rush away and walk home. How could I think it would settle something? I'm the living proof that they will never see their son again. This just has brought so much pain. I run away but after a few meters I'm out of breath.

I feel sick: I begin to scream and cry. I continue to walk, I have to reach my brother's shop. He will help me out.

_'Estella! It's not fair! You and Damien have a biscuit more than me and Annie. Why?'_

_'Because we are older' replies Estella with a mature voice. Caspian thinks about it a few minutes but then replies very seriously 'That makes sense'. He seems to be satisfied, as if his sister just gave him a pearl of wisdom._

"Please stop!"

_'This years tribute Estella Dorell!'_

"I can't..." Images of my past haunt me.

_"We decided you were the one to go back home"_

"No, please. Stop"

_"Annie run!"_

I scream again. "This is all my fault"

"Cresta's nets. How can... Annie!" My brother embraces me.

"I killed Caspian, didn't I? It's my fault he is dead"

"No, Annie, please it is not"

"It is they all died because of me. Mom, Dad, Caspian" I scream and become hysteric. My brother takes me to the back of the shop and makes me sit on a chair "Annie stay calm. I will temporary close the shop. But please stay calm" I can't calm down. There is something I need, something I'm missing. Something massive.

"Annie, listen it was not your fault. It was no one's fault, you have to trust me"

"I went to see Caspian's parents; I wanted to apologize but I saw their pain and run away...I...I"

"It's all right Annie: I spoke to them, they are not angry at you" he strokes my hair.

"They don't hate me?"

"No" I can't understand why. I really can't.

"Annie, shall I catch Finnick?" No he mustn't now about this. It would break his heart.

"No, don't call him. Please don't do that. Please I'll sort it out, I promise"

He gives me a scolding look "You have to talk to him Annie. Finnick can help you so please talk to him. Now I'm going to bring you home, you do the rest"

[...]

I lie in bed, when Finnick comes near me. He lies down near me and kisses my nape. For some time we just stay there, listening to the sound of the ocean.

"Love you"

"Me too"

"Want to talk about it?"

I stay silent another few minutes, but then I tell him everything. When I finish he just holds me tighter and we fall asleep like that.


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer:** I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins. The quote on Ygritte's note is from the publicity spot for the Jane Austen season from ITV.

**Author's note:** I have no idea if the books mentioned could still exist in a distant future, but I like to think so.

Chapter 16:

"Come on Annie! It will be so much fun!" I'm on the phone with Ygritte, she is trying to convince me to have a sleepover just us two. I don't know if it is wise. My last attack was yesterday.

"Mmm... I don't know"

"Come on there is nothing you have to fear: it's just to cheer you up!"

"Ok I accept. But only because you would haunt me for the rest of my life if I didn't" And thus she hangs up.

I think about Ygritte's plan. Although I'm still not entirely convinced by it I begin to feel the same enthusiasm. I'm happy to have something to do, speaking of which I make a list of all the things before I forget them.

-prepare dinner;

-tidy the house;

-tell Finnick about my plans;

I'm agitated: it's ages since I spent time with a friend, I think the last time was before the accident. Didn't have many friends since.

"My love, calm down!" Finnick is sitting in the living room "It will be fine! It's just Ygritte, besides you have done everything that was on your list so everything is going to be OK"

"I know but what if dinner doesn't taste good? What if something goes wrong?" I can't stop worrying, because I'm really happy that we are going to spent some time together.

Finnick comes near me and embraces me "It" he kisses me "will be perfectly fine" he gives me another kiss.

"I know, but I'm so happy! Are you sure you don't mind spent the evening alone?"

"I'll spent it with Mags. If you need something just come over"

I have finished the last rearrangements. I am proud of the result: everything is at the right place and I put bright flowers on the kitchen table.

At six o'clock Ygritte knocks on the door. I run to open it.

"Hello Annie! I have brought you a present" she hands a package to me "Hope you'll like it"

"Do come in" I'm so happy to see her. "Lovely house...Oh hay Finnick. How are you?"

"All right. I'll leave now. My love, remember if you need something just ask me"

"Yes! Now go. We have things to do" I kiss him and accompany out of the house, when I'm inside again I burst out laughing: Ygritte has a funny face expression. It is something between amusement and shock.

"What?" I ask

"You look like a married couple! But we will discuss this topic later. Now open your present"

I have a routine when I have to open a present: first I read the note, if there is one, and then try to guess what is in it. Eventually I will open the present to see if I was right.

_There is an honesty behind a glance...a meaning behind a touch...and faith cried with a tear. There are lies behind a promise...importance in a whim...and deceit sealed with a kiss. There is hope behind a gesture...value in a token...and unspoken love delivered with a smile._

I don't understand, but by the size of the packet it seems like books. I open it carefully and...I'm right!

"These are my favorites, I thought that you may like it too. And it will help you to keep your mind busy"

I look at the titles: 'Persuasion', 'Pride and Prejudice', 'Sense and Sensibility', 'Emma', 'Northanger Abbey' and 'Mansfield Park' written by a certain Jane Austen. And 'Little Women' written by Louisa M. Alcott.

"They were written many centuries ago, but are wonderful. All romances" she winks.

"Thanks, I will start to read them tomorrow" I take the pile of books and place them on a shelf in the living room. "

Could you please take two glasses from the cupboard over there? I will bring the dinner" I show her where the glasses are.

"Annie why have you a kitchen shelf full of sugar cubes?" she looks puzzled.

"Don't ask. Their Finnick's. Apparently he can't live without them" I roll my eyes.

[...]

We are eating dessert when Ygritte looks at me "So tell me, I'm really curious: how is it to sleep with the famous Finnick Odair?"

I blush, because Finnick and I have never done anything and do not even talk about it. One day, perhaps, when we both will be ready. "What?"

"Annie, no, I don't mean it in THAT way! Oh dear, I put you in embarrassment I'm so so sorry. Let me change the topic of conversation and forget about this. Did you know that when I was little I had a crush on your brother?"

"Really?" This is something I have to hear!

"Yes, we were what nine, no ten years old? We had some school classes together and he was so cute!" she giggles.

"Cute?"

"Yes. And I completely forget about him since he never returned my attentions. Then we met in the street and I didn't recognize him until he presented himself. And I was like: What? That Damien Cresta? My face must have been highly ridiculous!"

"And now you are going to marry your childhood crush!"

"I'm so excited!" we both laugh.

[...]

"I'm happy it is you to be my sister-in-law"

"Me too. Now try to sleep silly one"

I look outside the window "Thank you, for everything" but Ygritte doesn't hear me because she is already sleeping. I truly mean it: she has been a good friend since we met and always manages to make me laugh. "Caspian, you would have liked her too" I whisper, and then fall asleep.


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins. Quote from 'Little Women' by Louisa M. Alcott.

Chapter 17:

The next morning we are eating breakfast outside, enjoying the warm air and the rush of the waves. "Ygritte, Finnick's birthday is approaching and I wanted to know, if I were to design a necklace would you help me to make it?"

"Sure, have you something in mind?"

"Yes. I go and take the piece of paper on which I draw it" I enter and begin to look for it. Where have I put it? Ah yes! I fetch it and return outside.

"It is wonderful Annie! Want a job? But what's the meaning of it?" It is a pendant in the shape of a seashell, attached to a blue rope. The shades of the shell are blue and gold.

"If you want me to help you I accept! I thought since I will never mentor and he will always in this way he will always have something from home and from me to keep close. But I can't tell you way it has to be him every year, that's not my secret to tell"

"Oh Annie, it's so sweet. I will begin to make it when I got home, I think I need two days for it. You can pass to Damien's shop" I can't find the words to thank her enough. It will be just the best thing as a surprise.

In the days to come I begin to read the books Ygritte brought me, and I'm so absorbed in the stories that I can't stop. My favorite is 'Little Woman': it's a story of friendship, family and loss. And I really like the main character Jo.

After three days, Ygritte calls me and says that the necklace is ready and she will wait for me at my brother's shop. As soon as she calls I walk out to the house headed to 'Cresta's Nets', impatient to see the result. The shop belonged to my parents and when they died Damien took it and continued the activity. As I enter I notice all the small differences he made and smile. All the arrangements reflect him completely and I my smile grows even larger when I see that he followed Caspian's advice about selling shopping bags made with nets. His very own tribute to him. I really like the idea.

_Really Damien you have to trust me it would be a really intelligent innovation! Intelligent because it was my idea! Copyright Caspian Dorell._

I laugh as I recall the moment of the past. "Hey Annie!" my brother is in front of me "How are you? and how is Finnick?"

"Both fine... Are you ready for your imminent wedding?"

"Yes but also pretty terrified that..."

"I won't be there waiting for him!" Ygritte comes in smiling. They finish each other sentences! And Ygritte said that me and Finnick looked like a married couple, but then again they are going to be married very soon.

"Future husband I have to steal your sister for a minute. Girls talk" She brings me on the back of the shop, where all the nets are held.

"Silly thing, as promised I finished the necklace you designed for Finnick. Want to see it?"

"Yes.

Ygritte's creation is wonderful! "It is exactly as I imagined it!"

[...]

On Finnick's birthday, I get up early and prepare him breakfast. I put everything on a tray with his present near it, and go upstairs. I put the tray on the bedside table near him and return to bed. I cuddle near him and watch the sunbeams lighten his hair but after a while I can't resist from giving him the present so I kiss him awake. He opens one eye and then grins. "Happy birthday!" I say to him and kiss him again.

"My love, why can't I wake up every day like this?" he says with a sleepy voice.

"Because it's not always your birthday! I brought you breakfast and your present!"

He sits up and take the tray. He takes a sugar cube and pops it in his mouth and then takes the present. He unwraps it immediately and smiles as he sees the content. " I really like it. Guess it's Ygritte who made it"

"I helped her!" I say while I fasten the necklace around his neck. He leans towards me and kisses me again.

"You taste like sugar!"

"Do you like it?" he smirks.

"Perhaps" by which we both now I mean yes.

"So are you aware of the plans for the day?"

"Stay in bed. With you" he pulls me closer.

"No! We have luncheon with Mags, Ygritte and Damien! Don't you remember that we invited them over? Speaking of which we have to cook and prepare the table!"

"You don't have to cook. We will offer them Sugar cubes" we both laugh because it is similar to what he told me on the train. I temporarily drift away because I remember Caspian's small laughter but a few words from Finnick bring me back.

We go downstairs and with a little persuasion I manage to convince Finnick to help me. At twelve o'clock our guests arrive. "Nice necklace" winks Ygritte when she comes in.

[...]

I pass a wonderful day, but at the end of it I'm completely exhausted: and I often slip away. I have to ask Finnick if the things I have in my mind are real or not but he answers patiently. I fall asleep before dinner and wake up when Finnick lifts me up and begins to carry me upstairs. "Good evening" I say to him. "Good evening. Slept well?"

"Not really, but I'm not tired anymore. Did you like the day?"

"Very. Thanks for the present"

"Guessed the meaning?"

"Yes, I think so: I will always have a piece of you with me. Right?" he smiles

"Yes. You can put me down"

"Don't worry"

When we arrive at the bedroom he puts me down, we both put on our pyjamas and then roll up in the bed. I continue to read my books and Finnick writes poetry. He still doesn't want me to read it, I think it's because he is a little embarrassed by it: he fears that I won't like it and will only tease him about it.

_'That's Meg! My sister! She's completely bold in front!'_

I start to laugh. Finnick gives me a puzzled look. "It's the book, you should read it!"

"Cresta, I don't read certain types of books and 'Little Women' is definitely one of them!"

"But it's beautiful: funny and sad all at the same time" he rolls his eyes and makes an exasperated face. After a while he looks at me and says with a perfect imitation of Amy "He put snow on her ankle? Whit his own hands? All the lovely things happen to Meg!"

Ah! I knew it! I look at him "So you have read it!"

"This afternoon, so that we could find new topics of conversation. I like Beth! She reminds me of you" I smile at him and sight "No! Jo is better!"

"Annie let us not fight over 'Little Women'. Now try to get some sleep"

I roll away from him and mumble "Jo"

"Annie! Come on!" he pouts; I know he is just joking but I go back near him. "Not that I have forgive you" I whisper.

"No? And why are you here again?"

"Because you are so warm" I lean my head on his chest and say "I love you so very much, even if you like Beth better than Jo"

"I assure you the thing is entirely mutual" He gives me a last kiss and then embraces me.


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 18:

The more the victory tour comes nearer, the more I lose the progress I was making. I have nightmares again, I can't sleep, I scream at the empty air and I am hysterics most of the time. I try not, because I see how much it hurts Finnick but I can't find the forces to put myself together.

One day I'm on my way to meet Ygritte, to help her with wedding preparations, when the phone rings. It's strange since no one has ever called me on the phone. "Yes?"

"Good day to you Miss Cresta" I recognize that voice, I would recognize it in all circumstances

"President Snow what an honor" I panic. What does he want from me? Has something happened?

"Miss Cresta, to cut a long story short: voices have reached me that you spent a lot of time with your former mentor Finnick Odair, especially at your house. Now I don't care what goes on between you: if you two are in love or not, after all we all know Mr Odair's reputation. If it is love I would suggest to be more discreet from now on especially in your Victory tour. You see his, what shall we called them, admirers? Clients? like to think that they are special and him being in love with a mad girl, a nobody, would make them angry and jealous. This would damage the economy and we don't want that. Am I right?"

"Yes" I feel sick

"So you two behave or there will be consequences. Did you understand?"

"Yes"

"Excellent. Congratulation for the imminent wedding. See you in a few weeks" I throw up and immediately crush on the pavement near the phone, I don't even manage to hang it up. It rocks as a pendulum but I don't care. I just lie there in a state of complete misery and despair. I cry, because this is finally his revenge on my reaction at the interview, then I think again of his words: consequences. All of a sudden it strikes me: Ygritte and Damien they are not safe! I scream and scream because the worst scenarios are played in my mind. They must not be hurt. Not now that they are so so so happy together. Please don't let anything bad happen to them. "Please" I continue to cry. My mind gets blurry and I drift away from reality.

"Annie? It's Ygritte. Annie?" I don't have enough willpower to answer her. I want to be left alone.

"Annie please let me help you" I can't understand what she is saying. I'm trapped in a nightmare inside my head._ It is their wedding day and suddenly a group of peace keepers enters in the room and kill them all, then the head peacekeeper addresses to me and he transforms in President Snow 'Miss Cresta we should have killed you in that arena'. He grabs me and I start to scream and kick the air and struggling to get free of his hold._

"Annie please come back"

_Snow is holding me tighter and whatever I do I don't have the strength to free me. _I'm completely struck in my mind.

_"No! you killed them! no!"_

_President snow's face is blank "I warned you!"_

"Annie you are safe, please come back!" It is a lie how could I be safe if there is Snow holding me?

Than my mind goes blank. When I wake up I lie on the bed and there is Ygritte in front of me, she sights of relief "Welcome back"

I look outside the window it is dark "What time is it?"

"It's 8p.m you where away for half of the day. I'm so sorry. Will you tell me what has happened?" I shake my head. "Annie promise me you will tell Finnick when he comes home" I nod.

"I want to take a shower" I have vomit in my hair.

"Ok, I wait here for you. If something happens just scream for me"

I walk in the bathroom, take my clothes of and go to the shower. But I can't enter in it: because my mind is still weak and images of me in the glass tube, images of me swimming in the arena are in front of my eyes. I can't do it, not now. I put on a bathrobe and go back to my room "Changed my mind, you can leave Ygritte, I'll come and see you tomorrow. Say hay to Damien and please don't tell him anything". We hear the door open I panic because it may be a peacekeeper to bring away Ygritte but then we hear Finnick's voice.

"I leave you to him" she gives me a kiss on the cheek and walks away. As soon as she gets to the stairs I lock myself in the bedroom and collapse near the door. I cry again because of what Snow told me: my happiness will be the cause of ruin of others. A gentle knock makes me jump

"Annie can I come in?"

I don't answer him. I want to be left alone. He tries to move the doorknob but I have locked.

"Annie, please let me in"

"Go away!"

"Annie..."

"GO!" I scream with all the air I have in my lungs. But I can hear that he doesn't move, he sits down probably in a position that mirrors mine.

"I will not go, so tell me what happened. I can sit here all night if necessary, though you have to admit it's not comfy and too cold"

"Is it worth Finnick? Us two? Until now it has only caused damage" I sob.

"Annie, yes it is and always will"

"How?" I begin to question it, we are only causing pain and anger.

"It just happens. I can tell you this: when I met you I was a complete wreck Mags tried to help but there were times when even she couldn't. Since I met you I felt better, you keep me together, give me a reason to go on" I stretch my arm and unlock the door when he comes in I hold him tight and we just stand there crying. He strokes my hair and tries to console me.

"Now let us clean you a bit" he takes me to the bathroom and begins to wash my hair.

"Snow called me" I cry "He is angry because we are in love. He didn't say so but I know he is. He wants us to be discreet or there will be consequences. Finnick it will reflect on Damien and Ygritte! They are not safe!"

"Shh, we will be discrete and no one will ever notice. Meanwhile Mags will stay here at the least sign of trouble she will call us and we will think of something"

He brings me my pajama and takes me to bed.

"Annie, please never ask me again if it was all worth" a single tear comes out of his eyes, I wipe it away and kiss his forehead.

"Never, I promise you"


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 19:

Eventually the day of my Victory tour arrives. The schedule Esmerenee has sent me says that my 'journey' starts at 9.00a.m, and will occupy the following two weeks. Finnick and I decided that our act to please the president will begin the same day as the victory tour. None of us could have started it before. For safety we decided that he would leave at seven due to the prep team arriving. If they saw him here they would begin to ask all sorts of questions and this is exactly what we are trying to avoid. Capitol people could never hold a secret, they love gossiping too much, adding that Finnick is the golden boy of Panem. Voices about his presence at my house in the early morning would reach the wrong ears in a matter of seconds.

There was no need to set the alarm clock, I couldn't sleep a wink. At seven Finnick begins to stroke my hair. "Annie?"

"What?"

"I have to go" he whispers. I don't want him to and I don't want to do this tour.

"Please could you stay just for another five minutes?" I turn around and look him in the eyes.

"But just five minutes"

The five minutes become ten and then thirty. We just lie there cuddling and kissing; none of us wants to let go but in the end we have to.

"Now I really must go Annie. Even if I have to admit that this was a better way to pass time. Love you" he winks and then he gives me one last kiss before he leaves.

After 15 minutes the doorbell rings "Finn what have you forgotten this time" I mumble between myself, but when I open the door it is not Finnick: it is my prep team.

"Hello!" They are all so happy to see me. I can't say the thing is mutual but at least I try to act like it. Why have they come so early?

As if Esmerenee read in my mind she says "I know we said nine but we have so many things to do!"

They stare at me. "What?"

"Look at the state you are in! Your hair, your skin and I am most certain that you have more freckles than the last time!" How do they even manage to notice such things? How is it possible?

"Doesn't matter, we will put it in the right place... Oh, we are so happy that you made an improvement since we last saw you. How are you dear?"

"Better" I force a smile.

They all squeak for happiness: let us see if they still do it in an hour or so. They bring me to the bathroom and begin to shave, peel and polish me. When I'm ready Allena gives me the dress I'm going to wear: it is a very simple one. When I'm ready they all look at me and nod in satisfaction.

"Now dear, would you guide us to your former mentors house and then we can go together to the train station?"

"Sure"

And so my victory tour starts.

In the next days they dress me up and present me to people. I try to make my speeches but half way through our journey I can't speak anymore and Finnick does it for me. I collapse on stage and on the train I'm always victim of hysterical crises and panic attacks. They are so bad that my hair becomes a single mess and they have to cut it. They cut it at the height of the chin. I don't like it but I have to admit that it is more manageable. When we reach the career districts I can't even walk on stage: in front of me are the pictures of the tributes who cut of Caspian's head. I'm back in the arena again, losing my best friend and swimming for my life.

Finnick and I don't talk, don't touch and don't look at each other. It is for the safety of others but it is driving me nuts. I miss him and I realize how much I depend on him. The last thing that remains of him is my bracelet. When my prep team suggest to leave it on the train, because it is not fashionable enough, I make such a fuss they leave me alone. I'm allowed to make fuss: I'm Crazy Cresta after all.

I stand in a catatonic state for all our vacancy in the Capitol, I just do what they want me to do. Allena puts me in the green and red dress from the last interview but I don't reply. There are lights and colors everywhere but I don't notice them. Finnick is dancing with other women, Finnick is sneaking away with men and women and then they come back: his clients with a pleased look and he with hollow eyes but with his usual false smile as if he was enjoying it. We are both falling to pieces, I know it 'cos he keeps touching the necklace as a reminder that it is all worth it. I know it is, but right now it is causing damage to both of us.

I feel like I'm living somebody else's life. I don't care for nothing and spent my time crying. I get nuts after the party: I rip off the dress screaming, take a shower but then I'm overwhelmed by flashbacks and have to get out. I can't stand it, I'm in hell.

And so for the first time I feel really crazy.

I go to bed crying and screaming but all this doesn't matter anymore because nothing will save me again. Finnick is somewhere with an unknown woman and probably is a wretch himself because another client has been add to the list. I'm sorry because I can't stay calm and wait for him, tying to find a way to help him out of his inferno. I am in an inferno too. I begin to hate myself even more than the others do. I don't like to be Annie Cresta. None of them. There was the first Annie Cresta who lived until she crashed on a beach, the second who entered the games and the one who came out and now can't put herself together however hard she tries.

And in the end Snow won. His power game ended successfully. He got what he wanted: Finnick back at his place and the mad girl more alone than ever. Just one thing he didn't reach: destroying my brother's happiness. And for a million times I will again and again and again live misery just that him and Ygritte could live happy ever after.

At some point I lose connection with the world and fall asleep.


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 20:

When I wake up I'm in my old room again. On the night table there is a glass of water, some biscuits and a vase with bright yellow flowers. I feel a little dizzy and my head spins when I try to get up.

"Damien!" I hope he hears me, I'm not sure I can manage alone.

"You are back with us!" he walks in to the room, with a very large smile on his face "Come let me help you" He puts a hand on my back and helps me to sit down on the bed. He places himself beside me and gives me the glass of water. "Drink some water, you haven't drunk enough in the last days"

Days? How much time has passed? The last thing I remember was the party in the President's mansion.

"How long have I been like this?"

"Six days including the journey on the train. You scared us all to death. I'm so sorry Annie" he hugs me tight.

"What did I miss?" I ask, I want to distract him about my condition and he could never resist telling me: he loves to gossip.

"Well, let me think about it... Annie Cresta cut her long hair and she looks very pretty even if we were not sure about it when we first saw her. Damien Cresta is going to marry the love of his life. Ygritte Welle is going to leave her future husband at the altar. Mags is continuously cooking biscuits and Finnick Odair keeps visiting this house even more worried than before. Oh and he wears a fancy necklace which I know for sure was designed by Annie Cresta and made by Ygritte, but everybody else thinks it is a present from one of his fancy lovers in the Capitol. And I think that is all" he gives me a tap on the nose.

I like the way that he talks only about our microcosm, like he believes that the rest is not important.

"Did you know that you are such a gossip?"

"Yes, my little sister told me this a thousand times before. And she is always right! Now there are a few people who wanted to see you, I will bring them up".

First enters Finnick, when he sees me he sights in relief and climbs onto the bed near me and holds me tight. We just sit there without saying anything, happy to be close again.

"Can we come in or is there something inappropriate going on?" Finnick and I both blush.

"Ygritte" we hear Mags lecture her.

"What? One must be certain!" They both laugh.

"Yes you can come in"

"Good to see you again" Says Ygritte, Mags just nods. "Hope you feel better, and if you are not sure about it I'm going to tell you something that will make you feel not only better but also happy" I hope is nothing inappropriate, it seems that she has this talent to say normal things in the wrong moment. Like when she asked me how it was to sleep with Finnick.

"Annie, I don't even want to know what you are thinking about. We have set the date for the wedding! Next month!"

Right, this is really something that made my day! "Finally!"

"And I like you new hair cut" she adds immediately. I smile to her.

My brother comes in again and we just stay there talking for the entire afternoon. After dinner I ask if I can go to my new home again, they all make a little fuss but eventually say yes. I'm not going to be alone anyway: Finnick will be there with me and he can help me if something should happen.

"I think it's time to go" says Mags and we follow her. Finnick hold my arm tight and we begin to walk to my house. "Goodnight" mumbles Mags when we arrive at the Victor's village and then gives us a kiss on the cheek.

"So Cresta, we are going back to our domestic life again. Happy about it?" He smirks and gives me a kiss.

"Mmm.. Perhaps" I smile at him

"I know you did" he replies

"Right yes I missed it! Are you happy now?"

"Never been happier!" He laughs and brings me inside.

When we are in bed he looks at me "Is everything right now?"

"I nod. Finnick?"

"Yes?"

"Are you all right?" I know that he worries about me, but I saw the look in his eyes at that party, I can imagine how he felt especially not being able to help me. I also remember what he said to me about the fact that he felt like falling apart.

"Right now yes. Annie I don't deny that it was difficult but it's over now. We are safe and you have nothing to do with the games anymore"

He lied: he is not fine because his sleep is restless and he has nightmares. He continues to move and speaks in his sleep. "Finn" I shake him. "Finn, wake up"

He winces when I touch him "Don't!" he screams. He is all sweaty and pale.

"Finn it's alright. It's me, you had a nightmare" I take his hand "Do you want to talk about it?" I know he won't, but I try to show him that I'm here for him if he needs me.

"No, not really. I feel dirty Annie, and I just can't it is too much. The things I have to do they just come back at me. I need a shower, you go back to sleep" I open my mouth to reply but he already reached the bathroom. After half an hour he till hasn't come back. I get up and knock on the bathroom door. "Can i come in?"

"If you promise not to look, yes" I think it was meant to be a cheesy affirmation but his voice braked down in the middle of the sentence.

"I have my eyes closed" I enter and sit on the floor.

"Finn you can't stay in that shower forever. Can I tell you something?"

"Yes" the water stops flowing.

"A few months ago a very wise and wonderful person told me something. Do you want to hear it?"

"Sure"

"If you are walking through hell, don't stop. Keep moving" I hope he understands what I mean. I'm not good in this things.

"Must be a very wise person. Can you give me a clean pyjama please" I go back to the room and bring him what he wanted. He gets dressed and then comes back to me. "I'm so sorry for what happened"

"Don't be, I'm here if you need my help; just don't keep it inside it will break you one day. Trust me I know it"


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 21:

The day of the wedding has arrived! At last!

We did not get Ygritte and Damien a present, but Finnick, Mags and I agreed to prepare the lunch for after the wedding as a surprise. We get up early to prepare everything: Mags cooks while I and Finnick tidy the house and rearrange things. We have to put two tables together so that we can all eat near each other. There will be us, Ygritte, Damien, Ygritte's family (her parents and her ten years old twin siblings) and Caspian's parents. Caspian's parents, I haven't seen them since the day I went to them only to run away immediately. I wonder how it will go. Well, I hope, but it will be so because I already know they don't hate me.

"Time for us to get ready" says Mags "There is nothing more to do, food and house are ready. See you in a few minutes" and thus she walks away.

Finnick and I both get ready pretty quickly, we already put aside our best clothes yesterday and they lay on a chair in the bedroom. I don't have to put on any make up and I don't have to comb my hair for a long time. I must admit that my prep team did an amazing job with it. I adore the fact that I don't have to spent ages to sort out the mess they often are in.

"My love, You look beautiful" says Finnick grinning.

"I wear a blue skirt and a light blue jumper, nothing spectacular" I roll my eyes.

"Exactly!" he laughs.

"Come on Odair we both now that you are the beautiful one" I mock him.

"Annie, a little self-esteem won't hurt you! But I guess you are right" He hugs me "Now let us go, or we will be late"

"Yes and that would only lead Ygritte to make subtle comments" I say seriously. She reminds me so much of Caspian! Always making cheesy comments that have the power to embarrass everybody.

The wedding is held at the justice building, it is a quick ceremony but they add the typical District four traditions: the net of long grass that covers them, the touch of salt water during the wows exchange... They are so happy together and they both smile during the entire ceremony. No one cries but Ygritte's little brother at the end exclaims "Ygritte! You should have got here late: as you said to us!" I hold back a laughter and Finnick whispers in my ear "Gosh. they are just like her, must have been a hell for the parents to raise them up" I giggle.

"Well at least Ygritte is out of the house now" I reply.

When the wedding is finished we invite them all to our house, on the way home I have the chance to talk to Caspian's parents. I excuse myself for running away and we recall moments of the past. We all agree that Caspian would have liked Ygritte since they are so similar. For a moment we just stay silent thinking about all the experiences he will never live, all the things he will never see but it is just a moment and then I tell them about my own version of Caspian's funeral and they tell me that they didn't stay at the official one long, because he wouldn't have wanted the whole district to be there. Only his true loved ones. We finally manage to say all the things we couldn't before and we part with the promise that we will see again sometimes. I think this is a thing that could be done but only if we don't see each other to often or it would only become painful.

Ygritte introduces us to her parents and to her siblings, Odine and Percy both ten years old. They really are Ygritte in miniature! "Bad influence" joked her dad. But they also are both adorable with their carrot red hair and blue eyes.

After lunch I go outside with Finnick, we sit on the chairs watching the ocean. Suddenly Odine and Percy come out they place themselves in front of us and look at us bewildered "Where you in the games?" they ask me. The games. Why do they always come up? I cover my ears with my hand and stare in the distance. I see Caspian again, the cave, the bats, the careers. I begin to scream but before I lose myself entirely Finnick grabs my hands and whispers in my ear "Annie come back. I need you" I slowly get out of my nightmare. He takes my hand and gives me a soft kiss on the forehead "It's all right. Don't worry"

"The games are finished"

"True"

"Caspian didn't make it"

"True"

"Ok"

Ygritte comes running outside, probably frightened to death by my shriek. She sees the twins and give them a scolding glance "Odine! Percy! What have you done?"

They look at their sister bewildered "We just asked her if..."

"Ygritte it's all right" I look at her.

"Are you sure? Say sorry to Annie. You don't have to ask such things! Did you understand?" her sibling nod and ask me sorry. Then as if they only noticed it now look at my hand entwined in Finnick's and ask "Are you two in love? Just like Ygritte and Damien?"

Finnick smiles at them "Yes"

"Why?"

"Because she is beautiful, and intelligent and funny"

"Why?"

"Ok that's enough you two. Leave them alone. Sorry I should have warned you about them"

They still stand there waiting for an answer, but Odine whispers something in her brother's ear and they change subject "Are you going to marry?"

"One day, perhaps" We both know that it is impossible for us to marry officially at least until Finnick is forced to work for the Capitol.

"Are we invited?" they ask full of hope.

"Of course"

The twins are opening their mouth again but Ygritte stops them "Don't you dare to ask why again!" they duck their heads and nod.


	22. Chapter 22

**Author's note: **Thanks for all the reviews. Again, I don't know if the books mentioned in the chapter will still exist in a distant future, I hope they will.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 22:

"Annie, come on! We said to Mags that we would have gone with her to the square" shouts Finnick.

"Coming just...wait" I feel sick and worried even if I know that there is nothing to worry about. It is reaping day. Again. But I'm out of danger right? Then why do I feel so anxious about it?

"Annie are you all right?"

No I'm not, but somehow I feel it is a rhetoric question. How could I be all right? In the next few weeks I will have to watch the games, there is no way to prevent it since it is mandatory viewing. For the next weeks, if we are lucky and the games don't last too long, I will be remembered of my own experience. I can't do this not alone. But Finnick has to leave no matter what.

"Before we go I have something for you" he grabs a small notebook from the kitchen table and hands it to me. I open it on the first page and immediately recognize his handwriting.

"Your poems!"

"To keep your mind busy, oh and I bought you some books: they are upstairs on your bedside table" he makes a large smile.

"Oh thank you" I give him a quick kiss and walk to the door.

"What? You walk away just like that?"

"Yes, we have an act to play! And we are late" I tease him. The doorbell ringing reminds him that it must be really late if Mags got tired of waiting.

"We are coming" we shout.

As we begin to walk to the square I feel it again: the sensation of breaking in a million of pieces with only one thing that occupies my mind, last years games. I begin to shiver and slowly I rise my hands to my ears: I hear Esmerenee Bellay's voice calling first me than Caspian as tributes.

"I can't go in there" I cry out, tears coming down of my eyes. Why have they chosen me?

"Annie, listen carefully: this is not real. You don't have to fear you can't be chosen, you won. Do you remember?" Finnick gently grabs my shoulders. Of course I won, how could I forget? "I swam for hours and everybody else drowned. True or not?"

"True. Annie please, you have to stay calm and present. I know it is hard, but do it for me. Please promise me you will try, I can't go away thinking about you in a miserable condition and I not being able to help you"

I look at Finnick "I will try, but we both know that I can't promise you anything".

He looks around furtively and noticing that there is no one near us hugs me and gives me a kiss on the forehead then immediately lets me go.

"Trying works for me" he replies.

By the time we reach the justice building Mags is walking between us and Finnick put on his Capitol façade. I stop in front of the stage near the other victors who won't be mentoring, whereas Finnick and Mags take their usual seat on stage beside the major.

It's wired, I would have never imagined to see this scene as a victor, as someone who wasn't reaped yes but never as a victor. It still doesn't make any sense and most of all it doesn't sound right. Annie Cresta reaped for the games and survived.

I stare at the stage, without even noticing what is going on, I nearly miss Esmerenee Bellay's arrival, and trust me when I say it is something which couldn't be unnoticed. This year she wears a pink fluorescent dress even more trumpery than the yellow one from last year. Her hair is dark blue with yellow strands. Is it even possible that she get more creepy every year that passes?

She taps on the microphone to see if it is working "Welcome! Welcome! To the 71st annual hunger games!"

The tone of her voice is, as usual, really happy and exited.

"(...) Each year the twelve districts from Panem had to offer two tributes, a boy and a girl, to fight for courage, victory and sacrifice. The lone victor will be rich to remind you of the generosity and the forgiveness of the Capitol. This is how we remember our past, this is how we safe guard our future. Now... The time has come to select a courageous young man and woman to represent District 4. As usually ladies first" she puts her hand in the glass bowl and takes a name "Coral Bølge!" A confident and arrogant sixteen year old girl steps forward, she is a career. It's easy to say, Her attitude can't be overlooked. If I was her I wouldn't be so sure to make it out alive, it is very rare that tributes from the same district win in following years. Everybody applauds to her. How happy they must all be to see someone so different from me walk on stage. I think they all believe she is going to make it out alive, after all if Crazy Cresta did it why can't she?

"And now for the boys: Triton Sten!" He seems younger than Coral but he is a career too. As soon as they shake hands they change a threatening glance to each other. They most certainly won't become allies but then again it's not even sure they will survive the bloodbath.

[...]

After the reaping I decline Damien and Ygritte's invitation for dinner. They look worried but don't reply nor protest to my decision. I walk back home and go upstairs to look what kind of books Finnick bought me. They are wrapped in wrapping paper and on a note he has written 'read me'. I open the packet and in front of me there are three books: 'Jane Eyre' by Charlotte Brontë, 'Possession: a romance' by A. and 'The Pickwick Papers' by Charles Dickens. I recognize the last one. It's the book mentioned in 'Little Woman'!

I bring them all downstairs near the sofa, so that I can read them when the games are displayed so that I can escape from reality and don't pay attention to what happens in the arena. I also bring down the books Ygritte gave me. The only thing I leave near my bed is the collection of Finnick's poems. I will read one before I go to sleep and one when I wake up, it will be just the perfect way to end and begin a day. It will be just as if he was beside me. Well not exactly but at least I have something that reminds me of him.

My plan doesn't work well because in the evening I already miss Finnick so much that I risk to break down into tears. I manage to pull myself together only because I begin to read 'Jane Eyre' and I'm so much drown into the story that I completely forget the world around me. I miss the recap of the reaping completely. Perfect! If I manage to do the same thing during the games then perhaps I will not lose myself in a living nightmare.


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 23:

The first weeks after Finnick's departure I manage to go on pretty well: I don't cry once, I never pay attention to the games even when they are displayed on television in front of me, I just continue to read and alienate myself from the world. Finnick's poems help me to feel him nearer to me: it is as if he was there, opening his heart.

It doesn't last long. That would have been too beautiful to be true. I slowly begin to lose control of the entire situation. The more the games last the more people get interested in them, therefore even if I avoid them I hear people talking about them constantly. The tributes from my district died: one in the bloodbath the other was killed by Johanna Mason. Johanna Mason, everybody thinks that she is the one who will come out alive and it might very well happen. She pretended to be a weakling so that the others overlooked her but when the number of tributes decreased she showed herself to be ruthless. But it was already to late for the others. They should have all paid more attention, the look in her eyes did not mirror her act. They were cold and full of hatred instead of having a veil of resignation and hopelessness. But then again no one ever pays much attention anyway. People just see what they want to see.

I spend my days reading but as much as I alienate myself from reality during day time nothing can prevent my nightmares about the arena at night. I see the entire stream of events again and again and again. I wake up screaming but there is no one to help me. This is partly my fault: Damien asked me to come to stay with them but I refused. I guess old habits are hard to lose: I am completely aware that what I'm doing is wrong and sooner or later I will just break down completely because I continue to hide my uneasiness and my true feelings. I begin to feel it: it gets harder to get up every day and face daytime.

At a certain point even Finnick's poem can't help me to cope with life, I miss him too much and they are a mare substitute for him. I miss his smile, his sleepy voice in the morning, his green eyes that become even more green when he is truly happy...

One evening I lie on the sofa reading 'Little Women for the -nth time when I hear it.

"Ladies and gentlemen I give you the victor of the 71st Hunger Games: Johanna Mason!"

I'm happy because this means that Finnick and Mags will soon be home again! Finally! But a few minutes later the phone rings. I panic because who could phone me now? The last time I answered it was President Snow and I don't want to hear his voice again. I get up and have to order myself to respond, when I hear the voice at the end of the line I'm shocked. It's Finnick. My breathing becomes irregular.

"Annie, it's me: Finnick" he sounds as if he was crying. What happened? What have they done to him. It must be something extremely serious or he wouldn't have called.

"What's wrong?"

"Mags had a stroke" No! Poor old Mags! I begin to cry.

"Annie listen they said it is not too serious: she is out of danger now and her conditions are stable. But they said that her ability to move and speak is damaged. She has to stay in observation for two months, we can't come home now. I'm so sorry"

"No, just let her rest. Finn when did it happen?"

"Just before Johanna's victory: we were in the mentor's room when suddenly she fell on the floor. We managed to take her to the hospital"

"It's OK Finn, she will heal. Don't worry. Just let me know how she goes on"

"I'll let you know. Annie please remember" And then he hangs up.

_Remember. _Once more he is referring to the line on my bracelet. I will, but I'm sorry that I can't be there to help, nor actually say anything because who knows the phone might be under control. A wrong word at the wrong moment could cause even more distress and sorrow.

This makes me wonder: How could something like this happen? I guess the real question is: was it really an accident? _Consequences_ is what Snow told me on the phone last time. Is this a part of his scheme? I'm sure that our act was enough but at the same time, from what I understand, there is nothing Snow loves more than control. And this, this is just perfect to put Finnick again at his rightful place. I know that things like this happen but it sounds to well placed to be only a result of Mag's age. Until now she has always been fine.

"How many?" I scream. How many will have to suffer because of me, because of Finnick. It will never stop, won't it?

I can't calm down: my mind is full of images of death and of Mags falling on the floor. I can't do this anymore: I'm in hell and I can't handle it. I need help. At last I am able to admit it to myself that I can't go on like this: playing cheerful with the others and break down when I'm alone. The day will come when I won't be able to put myself together anymore it takes ten times more than falling apart.

I take my coat and walk outside. The cold air hits me in the face and brings me back from my thoughts. I run to my brother's house, probably fearing in my unconscious that something terrible is about to happen. It's like after the accident I look around for threat, feel like drowning and so on. When I arrive I knock desperately on the door and it immediately opens. It's Ygritte.

"Annie!" she cries out, she is surprised but also anxious: I most certainly am not in the best conditions. I'm still crying, I'm shivering and I must be in a complete mess after the running.

"Do come in" She makes me sit on a chair near the table and gives me a glass of water. My brother joins us a few minutes later.

"What happened?"

"Mags had a stroke" I sob "They were in the mentors room and she just fell on the floor. Oh Damien! She is so old, she did not deserve it!" I cry even harder now.

"Annie, calm down. What did Finnick say?"

"That she is out of danger and only needs rest. But what if she doesn't get better?"

"She will, I promise you"

I clean my nose and wipe away my tears. I guess the moment to admit the truth has arrived. I look them in the eyes and ask "Can I stay here until they don't come back? I don't think that I can handle on my own. Don't be angry with me but I didn't really cope well in the last weeks".

Damien looks at me worried and a little angry. I can't blame him for being angry at me, probably I would be it too if I was in his place. "Annie why did you not come here? Why didn't you tell anything?"

"Because it would have broken your heart" I reply shyly. It sound pretty much of an excuse to me let alone to his ears.

He takes a deep breath as if to recollect himself. "You have to stop doing this Annie. Be a little selfish sometimes and ask me for help"

"Damien I'm sorry, really! But I fear every day that you are going to hate yourself for the decision you made last year. To bring me back! And I couldn't stand it!" I yell.

"Annie I never doubted that it was the right decision. Now let us not argue about it. Come here" I reach him and he embraces me.

After a few minutes he lets me go "Do you feel a little better?"

I nod.

"Good, now let us bring you upstairs so you can rest. You will stay with us for a while, tomorrow we are going to recollect your things and bring them here".

"Goodnight. Damien, Ygritte I love you both very much"

"The thing is mutual" they answer in unison.


	24. Chapter 24

**Author's note **Sorry for the delay. I am not entirely convinced with this chapter and have tried to rewrite it without a great success: I hope you'll like it anyway (Please let me know).

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 24:

After I move to my brother I slowly begin to take control of the situation again. When I first moved in, I often fell in a catatonic state, cried without a particular reason or covered my ears in order to stop the screams in my head, but now (even though it still happens that I can't find a good reason to get up in the morning, or that I long so much for Finnick that it actually hurts) the attacks are getting less frequent. My improvement comes partly because of my free will, because that has its limits, but mostly it is because Ygritte and Damien: they keep me busy. I help Ygritte making her jewellery and sometimes I babysit her siblings Odine and Percy. With my mind occupied with other things, I manage to alienate a great part of my dark thoughts.

My brother is proud of my improvement, so proud in fact that he often gives me understanding glances like to say 'I told you so'. This happens usually behind my back, probably he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I try not to tell him anything because it is actually funny the way he behaves. Until one day I catch him in the act, I make a surprised expression as if I never thought he could do such a thing and say to him in an indignant voice "You know that you can tell me what you think? You don't have to do it behind my back"

"Yes, but it is fun" he replies smiling.

"If you say so. But must I remind you that we always criticized people who do that?"

"No. But I'm not talking behind your back I only look at you" he winks "So was I right?"

"About what?" I tease him. I know what he means but I want to hear it from him.

"Your temporary accommodation"

"Yes you were right. You are a very, very, very wise person. How lucky am I to have you as brother. All the good things happen to me"

"You make it sound as if I was a peacock!" I glance at him and shrug.

"I am not!"

"Oh yes!" At this point we both start laughing.

I also find myself a new occupation: I discover that tying and untying knots on a rope help me to calm down. Alongside with reading it helps me a lot, it has of course one advantage over the first: I can't spent my entire time with a book in the hand but with a rope yes.

The days pass quickly and without any particular hard attacks, nothing that takes me to much to come back from reality. Of course this changes when the anniversary of Caspian's death arrives. The day before I have a tremendous breakdown. I wake up after a night full of nightmares already crying and with a strong head ache. I probably screamed because when I open my eyes I see Damien walking into the room. He sits near me and holds me close.

"I miss him every day, I look at something and begin to talk to him when I remember he is not here with me"

"Little one, we all miss him"

"It is hard Damien. I know that I don't talk about him much but it's because it still hurts"

"Annie, no one is blaming you. And I think that this is what he would have wanted"

Tears moisten my cheeks. I know too that this is what he would have wanted, me going on with my life, but I sometimes think about the fact that if I wouldn't have been picked he would have still been here.

"Why do I feel like it's my fault?"

"It is not. I have news for you" I look at him, because what could it possibly be? Finnick's and Mags' arrival is in a couple of weeks.

"I talked with Caspian's parents, they asked me if we wanted to join them on a pick-nick tomorrow for a slice of cake. Apparently they got the idea from you"

"We are going to eat cake in Caspian's honor?" It's what I did last year!

He nods. "Can we go? please?" I plead.

"Of course we will go!"

This was really a good news: this time I won't be alone. I will be together with the people who matter most in the world and who mattered most to him.

[...]

One evening, before dinner I'm sitting outside on the sand. I'm reading Finnick's poems again and I'm enjoying the salty and fresh air, when suddenly someone purrs in my ear "Want a sugar Cube?"

I let the note-book fall and turn around. "Finnick!" I shriek "you're back!" I kiss him.

"Did you miss me?" he replies with a smirk.

"Where is Mags? And how is she? I want to see her!" I blurt out all at one.

He makes an indignant face "What? You really did not miss me! You don't even say hey to me!"

"Mags is more important. So where is she?"

"At your brother's house waiting for us" he gets up and then helps me. I take his hand and we reach my brother's house.

"Finn?"

"Yes?"

"How are you?" he stops and puts his hands on my hips pulling me closer, then leans forward to kiss me. When he stops he smiles and replies "Now I feel perfectly. Now tell me Cresta: how where the poems?"

"Pretty"

"What? Just pretty? They were written by me!"

"I know, but it is not that everything you make is wonderful!" I reply mockingly

"But I am..."

"THE Finnick Odair, yes yes I know. Now I have to see Mags"

When I enter Damien's house I see her, she seems old and frail, of course this is something predictable, but Mags never looked like this before. She was always so strong!

Mags mumbles something and smiles to me. I don't understand but she is pointing at my face. I lay my hands on it and much to my surprise I see that I'm crying. "Oh Mags" I walk to he and embrace her. I do it gently fearing that she will break but she just hugs me harder. She recovered well in the last months. She still can't talk well but she helps to express herself miming and gesticulating. As for the walking she helps herself with a cane and leans on Finnick but she manages only to do a few meters and then has to rest for a few minutes before continuing.


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 25:

Something happened during the months Finnick stayed in the Capitol. Well I know what always happens but this is different. Very different. It's not only the duration of the stay or the stress and sorrow caused by Mags' sudden stroke, but also something else. Something related to his 'business', but probably caused by his own actions and not by his clients'. I don't know what it is and Finnick doesn't tell me anything, to the contrary he isolates himself in some sort of kingdom of guilt and self-denial. When I ask him if there is something wrong he just shrugs and says he is fine. When I ask if there is something I can do to help, he replies that there is nothing to help because everything is just as usual.

It is not, and we both know that I am aware of it. Despite it he continues to act as nothing happened. What he forgets is that I am a master in acting cheerful around people and just break down afterwards. I really just wish that he could tell me something instead of going around with a veil of sadness in his eyes.

I don't know where is the Finnick who came back and welcomed me warmly on that beach. What I know is that Finnick is consumed either by a bad memory or guilt, and he most certainly is not the same person who kissed me that evening.

The person who came back avoids me constantly: he spends the day swimming or helping Mags to recover but if I go to her too he leaves. He can't even look me in the eyes. I begin to wonder if it something I have done or if he realized who I am. It becomes a fixed point in my mind: I can't think of anything else; I think about my actions in the last week but I don't remember anything remarkable. So I begin to think about all our actions since my reaping, but nothing still. Why this sudden change of mind?

One night we are in bed, there is physical distance between us, I stretch my hand to take his but he pulls it back.

"What is happening to us Finnick?" He doesn't reply, he just gets up and walks away. I scream in frustration. When I get up in the morning I see that he slept on the sofa. This is enough, I can't go on like this. I move to my brother's again leaving a note on my kitchen table for Finnick.

_If you want to talk about it, you know where to find me. Just remember what YOU always TOLD ME. See you when you're ready. -Annie_

[...]

"Ygritte, I'm so angry with him!"

"Have you quarreled?" she looks at me puzzled.

"No. We don't even talk anymore. What have I done wrong?"

"Probably nothing, Annie you must understand it: he lived months full of stress" She tries to give a rational explanation to his behavior. Little she knows that I have tried to find it for an entire week!

"Listen, I know it but there is something else. It's driving me nuts not to know it!" I hate how he always forces me to tell him what's wrong when I look distressed but he doesn't even though he promised me that he would have done it when necessary.

"What is driving you nuts?" My brother enters the door.

"Finnick not talking to me, he is now the new king of isolation" I reply sharply.

"Annie what happened between you?" he looks even more surprised than Ygritte "It didn't seem there were problems when he came back"

"Oh but you see, this sort of thing come slowly on the surface"

"Why don't you talk about it?"

"BECAUSE HE DOESN'T TALK ABOUT IT!" I scream. I am aware that my reaction with them is wrong but do they think me stupid? "Sorry" I add. I take a deep breath.

"Does Mags know something about it?" I shake my head.

"You'll see that this thing will sort out. Just leave him alone until he is ready"

[...]

Three entire weeks pass without me and Finnick talking to each other. I miss him and I feel lost without him at my side, but even if I were with him, like in the first days after his return, it would have been the same thing. I also get worse because he can't help come back from my nightmares. Damien and Ygritte try but they can't do it because they don't really know why I scream or what I see in my mind. They can only guess.

One day I'm in the kitchen with Ygritte when we hear a knock on the door. "It's me, Finnick, Annie can we talk for a moment?"

Go, mouths Ygritte. I walk out and there he is Finnick. "You look terrible" I say to break the silence.

"Yeah, I know. Can we go for a walk"

"Sure"

For some time we both stay silent just walking to the beach. At some point he makes me sit down. He sighs but doesn't talk.

"Finnick I'm tired, this weeks have been hell. I don't know what happened in the Capitol but it has eaten you away. And you want to know what the worst thing was?" I make a small pause, and continue "Not being able to help you! Because you are the great grand Finnick Odair who never, never needs help!" I can't stop now, all my anger comes out at once. "You always, always told me not to keep my feelings for me because it was going to break me. You said that talking about them would help me to feel better. And you know what? You were RIGHT and I started to trust you and talked to you about my problems even when we didn't know each other well. But tell me this: why didn't you do the same thing?" I'm screaming at him, it was not my intention but I can't help it. Sometimes he really seems cocky and arrogant, thinking so highly of himself that he doesn't notice that suggestions as this may help him to.

"Because it is difficult, it has nothing to do with you nor with my clients. It is something I have done which I know regret at the most"

"That is not an excuse Finn. Anyway, why have you been avoiding me in the last few weeks?" I'm calming down now.

"For what I did in the Capitol, and I don't mean sleeping with my clients, which for itself is already terrible, I thought about you when I was with them. And it was wrong, because it was like dragging you in those horrible situations and felt like cheating on you. When I came back every time I saw you I thought about it. It just became unbearable"

"And you thought that isolating yourself from the entire world would help? I don't care if you were thinking about me when you were with them, I don't care about you seeing clients, well I care but we are so much more than just 'The Capitol's Whore' and 'The Mad Girl'. We are Finnick and Annie with all our flaws and imperfections, and we love each other no matter what or at least that's what we decided a long time ago. Reality can't be changed Finnick but we have each other and we have a lot of time to spent together in which everything else is irrelevant. If we isolate ourselves Snow wins over and over again: because that's exactly what he wants"

"Control freak" he jokes. Slowly the true Finnick is coming back!

"Exactly"

"Why do you sound so wise to my ears?"

"Because I am!"

"Annie, really the arrogant act is mine not yours" he winks. "now aside from the jokes. I apologize for being an unmitigated and in-comprehensive ass, do you forgive me?"

"I'll try, but promise me you will follow your own advice sometimes" I don't forgive him entirely, not yet; I will, soon, but not just now. I'm not angry about what he did, I couldn't care less because it is nothing compared to the fact that he completely shut me out of his life. That is the thing that hurts most because it's like he doesn't trust me and thinks I'm too weak to bear certain arguments.

"I promise"

"Good. Now let us go" I get up and take his hand.


	26. Chapter 26

**Author's note: **I am not sure if this chapter makes much sense (I also don't like it much). What I wanted to show is their knowledge about the greatest control the Capitol has over victors and their impressions of Johanna, whom they will meet soon. Hope you'll like it anyway and if you don't let me know.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 26:

"So tell me, how is Johanna Mason?"

We are walking on the sea-side with Mags since it is part of her therapy. She is making very good progress and is now able to walk more than a few meters without stopping. She also needs help less than before: she uses a cane but hasn't need of an arm to support her; The only thing that she has not re acquired entirely is her capacity to speak: she still mumbles sometimes and it happens that she can't find the right way to express herself. The doctors at district four's hospital agree that she is healing well.

The stroke aged her and now she gets more easily tired than before: I think she doesn't like it since she has always been so full of energy.

"She is... complicated"

"Stbn" mumbles mags

"Stubborn?" she nods.

Johanna Mason is a clue to me: she acted defenceless, but was in reality ruthless and full of hate and vengeance. But then they showed footage with her and her family and it strikes me how sweet she was with her younger brother.

Complicated, that is really the most suitable word to describe her.

Stubborn too: she always says what she has in mind no matter if her affirmations could bring her in great trouble. I would also add angry to the list, but then again I haven't met her yet. Finnick talked to her after her victory.

"But deep down she is a good person. We get along pretty well, she can be a little edgy and cold but it is her way to shield herself from the hard reality. It's like she created herself an armor with aggression and hatred"

Isn't this what we all do? Shield ourselves from the truth? Every victor has his own methods to go on living, and Johanna Mason just found a way to impose herself. I think what she needs is at least the feeling that there is still a part of her life that Snow can't control.

"Do you think Snow made her an offer yet?"

"No but he will pretty soon. A lots of Capitol citizens swoon over her: they've been impressed by her strength, at least that's what I heard from my..." his voice breaks down. Mags squeezes his hand as if to show support.

It's not difficult to guess from whom.

"Finn, should we warn her?" It would be best to prepare her for what is coming even though it's not wise. Someone could overhear it and then where would we be?

"I gave her a hint when after her last interview, I told her to be more careful when she answers no. Now it's up to her. There is not much we can do anyway: this all depends on her and Snow"

"I'm sorry for her"

"Worst thing is...she nt prt" Mags pauses "She is not...particularly remarkable. They are after her...Strength"

Which I think is even worse. Who knows what they are going to do to her. If they think her strong and unbreakable they will push themselves to their limits: thing is Johanna Mason is not completely strong and she is young, seventeen I think. She does not deserve this. No one deserves this.

"I think that too. Gosh! All sorts of perverts are going to buy her. She will break down soon" adds Finnick.

"Wouldn't it better if she says no?" I ask. I know that this means that al her relatives are going to die but if she accepts she is going to live in hell. That is sure.

"I don't know, perhaps she is lucky and it want be that bad" Says Mags. We all stay silent knowing that as long as Snow has the saying in the matter it is not going to be bad. It is worse than that.

"I'm sorry to say it: it's up to her. She is the only one who can decide if she prefers living without family but free or with family but forced to prostitution"

If I were her I really wouldn't know what to choose: there is not a save-life option or one that is more acceptable than the other. Could she really live without her family? Could she front the days with the knowledge that she will never see them again? If she loves them as much as I love Damien, Ygritte, Finnick and Mags the answer is no. Could she spend more than two months a year being abused by strangers? The answer I think, is no again. I wonder how Finnick managed to live like this for the last six years.

"Annie? Are you still with us?"

"What were you saying?"

"Is it right for you if we go home now?"

I nod.

[...]

"Finn, can I ask you something, about your job? If you say no I won't insist"

"No it's all right, but I will avoid some of the worst details"

"I just wanted to know how it came to...you know"

"I already told you a great part of it, the fact that I was young and handsome which led the Capitol's citizens to fantasize about me. I was not the first but became the most popular. I remember, as if it were yesterday, the day in which Snow showed up to make his proposal. I also remember how indignant I was to hear it, I said no and he killed my family. But he was clever he left alone Mags than called me after the funerals and repeated the request underlining how old Mags was and what a pity it would be to see her die. At this point I accepted because doing the equation I realized that it would have been unbearable for me to live without her, she was all that was left of my family"

"And you don't regret it?"

"No. Sometimes I do wonder how it would have been, but a long time ago I realized that nothing would have been different. I would have been free from Snow's control but I would have lived a life full of remorse and self-hatred. It also wouldn't have been fair towards Mags. I hate it but it is for the sake of others" he falls silence.

"I'm sorry to have asked, it's just...I was thinking about Johanna Mason this afternoon and about what she will choose"

"Whatever she chooses, whatever we chose Snow wins: there are no victors only survivors. We all are a piece in his games there will always be something that keeps us under his control"

It is sad to say but it is so. I recognize that every single person who survived the games is, in his own way, a perfect pawn. Those who are sold, those who are used as a reminder not to go against the Capitol or outsmart it, and those, like me and Mags who are used to remind others to stay at their place.


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer:** I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 27 :

"I'm a little scared. Why do I have to go?" I ask Finnick.

Tonight there is a party at the justice building in honor of Johanna Mason and my presence is requested. I don't understand why since my presence is never important: I don't mentor and I don't have anything to do with the Capitol anymore. Then why? I think about it a moment and a terrible thought strikes me: there is only one reason why I should be there and it's Finnick seeing some clients.

"Do you have to see some clients?" I ask

"Not really, Snow send me a letter recommending that I have to flirt with people as usual but nothing beyond that. He also added that our act must go: on he spent half a letter for this reminder" his tone of voice is full of relief. I smile to him and he smiles back.

"Well we have practised a lot, we are now the masters of deceit. Aren't we? Anyway do I have to worry about Johanna?"

"No I don't think so. I'm sure she will like you" he grins.

"I doubt that" I say in a whisper.

"What was that?"

"I said I doubt it, we are complete opposites!"

"Annie, everybody likes you!"

"No that's not true, and you know it"

"Right then, but I like you so much that it compensates!" He pulls me closer and kisses me. "See you at the party, wear something pretty" he winks and leaves me alone.

The party starts at 7.00p.m so my prep team will be here at two if not sooner, when they finally arrive they are as shocked as usual when they look at me. I would like to underline the fact that it will always look the same since it's me and I won't be replaced by another Annie Cresta during the night, but starting an argument with them would be pointless.

It takes two entire hours to get me, as they say, to beauty level zero. They need another hour to fix my hair, which is not a great business since it hasn't grown much and is now shoulder length, paint my nails and do the makeup. When they have finished I still look as myself and it's a relief: they didn't cover the freckles and my nail have light pink nail polish on them. When they have finished Allena comes in, she is holding a satin sack in one hand. "Come Annie, let us get in the bedroom so you can change"

No, not the bedroom! There are still Finnick's things on the bed and well everywhere. "Are you all right?"

"It's just the bedroom is not tidied, can we go to the guest room?" I can't describe Allena's face but she nods. I don't know if she believed my excuse but she doesn't investigate further.

"So ready to see the dress? I made it very simple yet still elegant and it goes perfectly with the bracelet you wear. I thought since last time you made such a fuss about it I would have tried to do it this way" There is pity in her voice, probably because she thinks me mad or a spoilt child. I don't care, she doesn't know the meaning of it and never will, so she can assume what she wants. Anyway the dress is beautiful: it is made of dark blue silk and is sleeveless. It is tight until my hips and then has a large gown that goes till the floor. When I'm ready I finally look at my reflection in the mirror and I am very surprised. I'm still Annie Cresta with all my freckles and my pale skin but at the same time I look different. Not like the last times, more as if they underlined my looks. For example my white skin looks paler in contrast with the dark dress but it's not too white; it actually seem to glow. My hair is pushed back and held away with pearl hair clips and curled up a bit at the extremity and doesn't seem a mess.

"Wow" It's all I say and when I look at my prep team and Allena's eyes I notice that they are on the point of crying.

"We are so proud of the result. You are wonderful" I hug them and then go outside to reach the justice building.

Although it's early and there is at least half an hour before the party actually starts, it seems that everybody is already there: the room is full of people, dressed with bright colours and chatting to each other about frivolous arguments from the weather to the last trends in fashion. I spot Finnick, in black trousers and white jumper, but immediately look away, and then I see Johanna Mason. She wears a small black dress that leaves a great part of her body uncovered (probably Snow gave a hint to her stylist, by the time she has her party at the president's mansion there will be many who want to buy her), a pair of boots and her hair is shoulder length with red strains in it. She is answering some questions with a very annoyed voice and is glancing upset looks to anybody who comes her to near.

The dinner is long, the people sitting near me try to start conversation but I just stare in the distance. I feel claustrophobic, and by the time the dances start I sneak out side on the balcony, enjoying the silence, the loneliness and the fresh air.

"So it's 'Crazy Girl' and the 'Sex God of Panem'. Now THAT is something I would have never thought possible" Johanna Mason reaches me outside.

I panic because if she noticed who else? I think of our behavior in the last hours but nothing went wrong, so how did she found out? Most important how long will it take until it reaches Snow's ears? And what will happen then?

_'Keep calm'_ I say to myself, than put on a puzzled look and reply "I don't know what you are talking about"

Johanna looks at me questioningly, I raise my eyebrows as to wait for an explanation.

"You and Odair, the couple of the year? If I were someone else I might find you cute but I am me so I won't say anything"

My breath becomes irregular.

"Crazy, if you faint now I want help you! I'll just leave you here"

I pull myself together enough to reply "You are just imagining things"

"Come on Cresta! He looks and flirts with every woman in the room except you, he doesn't even look at you! He is the heart-throb of Panem so it must be planned. This could be let by two motives. One: he doesn't care about you but I saw your games and your victory tour and know it's not true; Two: you are a couple and are trying to hide it. What I want to know is why"

"Now that is a secret I will never tell" purrs Finnick in her ear.

"You do that again and I punch you in the face" Johanna replies angrily.

"And if you say something you will regret it badly"

"I couldn't care less, I'm not a gossip! Though I find it funny and unexpected. Don't lose your heads over it. Fancy Cake?"

Lose heads. _Caspian forced to sit on the ground, the axe, the head rolling away._ I start to scream and cover my ears.

"Mason!" Finnick hisses.

"It's not my fault Crazy girl acts this way. Don't blame me!" she replies and goes inside.

"Are you OK?" he asks worried.

I simply nod, I can still see Caspian in front of me but I'm not in the arena anymore. I just need some time alone. "Go inside I will stay here a little more"

[...]

After my break down, the party lasted another hour before we could finally go away. I'm tired, my mind is a little blurry and all I want to do is go to bed and sleep. When we are in the living room Finnick stops and stares at me "What are you staring at?"

"You"

"Why?" It is becoming annoying, I hope he looks away.

"Why not?" and then he immediately ads "Can I have the honor of this ball?"

We haven't danced at the party for obvious reasons, and as he stretches his arm to take my hand I grab it immediately. The excitement is more than my weariness, it sounds silly but this is the right moment and the right place for a dance: our outfit, the moonlight that illuminates the room...Finnick takes my hand and put his other hand on my back.

"I'm not a good dancer" I warn him, there is a high chance that I will either fall or step on his feet.

"I am. So don't you worry, I'll guide you" he smiles.

"Is there something you can't do?"

"Yes"

"What?"

"I won't tell you, this way you'll have to stay with me until you discover it" I wouldn't leave him anyway but I don't say that loud.

We begin to dance slowly, looking in each others eyes. And it feel like when we first kissed, just me and him, here now and forever. The rest of the world is irrelevant.

"I love you Annie Cresta" he whispers in my ear, I feel his warm breath on my neck.

"I love you Finnick Odair" I answer back and then we are both grinning.

Then he leans his head forwards, closing the distance between us and sealing his lips onto mine. I don't know how much time passes but this is definitely the best way to finish the day.


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 28:

The 72nd Hunger Games, pass quickly. They only lasted a week and a half, thing that, I'm sure, was much appreciated in the Capitol. District Four tributes made it until the final eight but eventually a career from District One, who volunteered at the reaping, won. Finnick and Mags are going to be here very soon. This time I went to my brother immediately after the reaping and managed to get on pretty well. The day for the established arrival I am all pins and needles: there is a part of me that fears that something happened this year as it did in the last one, but I manage to silence this voices. I know it is irrational because they would have phoned by now if it wasn't true.

"Annie! Calm down!" shouts my brother with a false annoyed voice.

"I can't! That's the problem!"

He starts laughing. I missed Mags and especially Finnick, I'm looking forward to see them again.

"You know that jumping around won't make the time pass quicker?" intervenes Ygritte.

"Yes! But I can't help it! Anyway I will go home now, I meet them at the Victor's village"

I just arrived home, when the door opens and Finnick places himself in the door frame and winks "Did you miss me?"

I look at him, and reply "No, not the least. Where is Mags?" but the smile on my face betrays my true feelings.

"Well I missed you so come here. Mags is at her house and waiting for us. We have a schedule to follow!"

"What schedule?" Where did this come from?

"I'll tell you when you come here" I walk to him and he embraces me, holding me tight and kissing the top of my head. He holds me as tight as possible, as if he has no intension of letting me go. "Has something happened?" I whisper.

"Yes and no. Not to me at least, I will tell you but first we must go out with Mags. Come along Cresta!"

Mags is outside and as I spot her, I run toward her and hug her. "Mags, I missed you so much!"

"Calm down girl, there is no rush" she says with a smile.

"So what is this great schedule you made?" I ask

"First we go all to the baker to buy some buns, because we will need it this evening. And then we just spent time together us three" Replies Finnick smiling.

I really wonder where this sudden idea comes from, not that I don't like it but it is...unexpected. Something really must have happened, I only hope he tells me soon what it is. I really have no intention to have the same argument like last year.

I feel observed as we walk in the street, and I imagine that soon there will be whispers about the fact that I walked through town.

"Annie Cresta, what are you doing here?" says the baker's daughter; I know her from school but never cared to learn her name.

That is exactly why I don't like going in to town, because first people don't have a high opinion of me; second they seem to think that I don't have a life, living all alone in an empty house without friends nor family that cares for me.

"I met her on the beach and asked her to go with me and Mags. I would like a dozen of buns, one for each type. And a loaf of bread"

"On the beach? Annie I thought that you hated the beach, since it is so close to water"

I inspire deeply, they make it sound like water melts me!

"Oh not as offense but you seemed so upset in the arena, swimming for your life and crying and screaming" _The explosion, Caspian's head under the ocean, the cannon_ I scream. Mags takes my hand and starts to reassure me. The girl meanwhile continues her monologue, and I'm pretty sure that me freaking out was her main target.

"Oh I see. It is an indelicate argument! How are the Dorells?"

_Caspian, Estella..."Annie what are you doing? RUN! _Now she is really doing this on purpose.

"I changed my mind, give me also two chocolate cupcakes" Says Finnick and giving her a charming smile.

"Right then, but tell me Finnick why do you spend time with her? I mean, there are a lot of possibilities if you count out Crazy Cresta there" She is so stupid and she is flirting with him! This alone is ridiculous not talking about the fact that she chose the wrong subject of conversation. If I wasn't to busy dragging myself out of memories I might as well laugh her in the face. I could do it and she wouldn't ask for explanations, I mean she already thinks me crazy.

"Because I am her former mentor, and I must prevent her from doing stupid things like spent too much time with stupid people or going to near to the ocean because it might give her a heart attack" he answers. The girl is too busy trying to charm Finnick that she doesn't notice the sarcasm in the answers. We are given the food and we walk away.

"Annie, are you all right? You really were not joking when you said that people don't like you"

"Yes"

We spent the afternoon on the beach chatting and enjoying the sun, at round six we go back to the Victor Village. Mags gives as both a kiss on the cheek and invites us for breakfast the next morning. When we are inside Finnick places the buns on a plate and reaches the stairs to go upstairs.

"What? We are eating in bed" I follow him and when we are under the bed linen I look at him.

"Finnick, what's this about? The afternoon with Mags, us eating here? What happened?"

"Johanna"

"Johanna what?"

"She said no to Snow, the entire Mason family is dead"

I'm shocked, I think about her little brother and the way she played with him "What happened?"

"She said yes at first, but as we imagined they were after her strength: she went through the first three appointments but at the last one she was raped. Annie she came to me for help, bleeding, full of cuts and bruises. Snow scheduled her another appointment immediately and she said no. She had not the intention to do that again for the rest of her life. At this point Snow threatened her family and she said to go on: it would be better than use them for bait for the rest of her life. They will be dead in a matter of days if they are not dead already" he pauses "This made me think about the entire situation, she was brave even if it meant to lose everything. I couldn't do that Annie! I don't know what I should do without you or Mags, you are all what I have left in the world. I just wanted to enjoy more time with you both, because who knows what could happen in future"

I don't like the tone he used in the last sentence, like he is involved in something he shouldn't. "Finn, are you involved in something?"

He shakes his head but says "What I think is that we can't just sit behind this walls and seeing him ruining lives"

"Finn...Please"

"My love, don't worry" he puts an arm around my shoulder and I put my head on his chest. I think he is right and too many people are suffering but I am scared for him.

"Please just promise me this: don't do anything stupid"

He doesn't answer.


	29. Chapter 29

**Author's note:** The quotes are from the musical 'Spring Awakening' the London production (the one with Aneurin Barnard as Melchior Gabor): the first one is from the song 'Touch me' the second one from 'Left Behind' (I changed the contest in which the second one is used, but it seemed to fit)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games' (they belong to Suzanne Collins) nor 'Spring Awakening'.

Chapter 29:

It's the first winter in years that it's snowing again. One morning we wake up and everything outside is white and still. It is beautiful to look at: the entire district seems peaceful and quiet. During lunch we are interrupted by an insistent knocking on the front door. We open and find Ygritte with Odine and Percy. Odine and Percy are wrapped up in their jackets, with large blue shawls around their neck, funny hats and warm gloves. They look at me and smile "Annie? Do you want to play with us with snowballs?" says Odine "And make a snow man" adds Percy. "If they are not intruding" explains Ygritte.

"No do come in!" I show them the way in. Odine and Percy run towards Finnick while Ygritte stops to talk to me.

"When they saw the snow they became restless and decided that you two were probably the best persons to ask to play. I'm sorry we came here without a warning but they insisted so much"

"It's not a problem; there is not much we could have done anyway. They just have to wait a moment until we are wrapped up to. Do you have things to do or do you want to stay here?"

"I'll stay here with you, just give me a wink when they have to go"

Thus said we spend the afternoon throwing snow balls in the garden, obviously the twins win. We lose perception of time and it is one of the funniest afternoons I spent in a long time: it's like being a child again. I remember similar days with Estella and Caspian. Always running and laughing without caring about anything except the moment of joy, and yet it ended to soon. Estella never had the chance to grow in to a beautiful young woman and live a happy life, died at fifteen because brutally murdered and Caspian too only that he nearly reached adulthood. They were both so good and better than many of us but it doesn't matter anymore does it? Moral values just became irrelevant compared to eternal power and control.

I am brought back by a light clap on the shoulder. "Is everything all right?" asks Odine "you were like paralyzed and looked in the empty air. And why are you crying?" I touch my cheeks and they are wet with tears, I wipe them away and look at Odine "Yes, I was just thinking about..."

"Who wants hot chocolate?" asks Finnick, probably trying to save me from further questions. It is an excellent plan: at the word chocolate Odine and Percy begin to squeal delighted, it is certainly not something they have all days.

They stay another hour but then Ygritte says that it is time to leave because it is getting late and dark and they have to change before getting cold and take flu. She orders them to come home but puts it in a nice way and with a smile. The twins take her seriously and before leaving Percy looks at me and says "Thank you for the happy afternoon and the chocolate, but Ygritte said we have to go because it's late and we will catch flu. Can we come again?" we laugh. Finnick ruffles his hair and says "Whenever you want, and there will be hot chocolate to wait for you" We go with them for a while and on our return home Finnick begins to throw snow at me again.

"Ohi! We were on the same team!"

"I deserted" he explains. At this point I throw him snow back, but Finnick runs towards me and grabs by my waist and pulls me down in the snow.

"Finnick!" I shriek "It's cold! And I am all wet!"

I also fear that someone sees us but it is not important: I mean it's two and a half years that Finnick doesn't leave my house. Now that is surely something that doesn't go unnoticed. If they were interested they would have said something by now.

"Come on Annie, we are nearly home anyway! Have some fun!"

"Finnick my idea of fun is really not rolling in the snow and getting soaked wet" I say while trying to get up, thing I'm sure would be easier if Finnick wasn't holding tight at my wrist and pulling me down again every time I am almost up.

"Really? Does it involve me, you and a comfy place?"

I blush deep red and then finally manage to get up and say "No it involves me, dry clothes, a book and a comfy place"

When we enter the house I run upstairs to change, I put on my pyjama trousers and a worm wool sweater, and quickly towel dry my hair. As I enter the living room I see Finnick light the fireplace. I don't know why they put one in every house since it barely happens that it becomes that cold. But in this moment it is nice to see the flames flickering and illuminating the room. The bright fire softens the features of the surroundings.

"I go upstairs to take a shower, I imagine you will not join me" smirks Finnick, and I feel my cheeks redden again.

I lay on the sofa and look at the fire, I think about what Finnick said; I know that it was meant to be a joke but there is also a hint of truth in it. Lines from 'Spring Awakening' come to my mind '_when we go there no more shadows anymore, only hymns upon our lips (...), no more memories anymore'_: this is the best way to describe our view of us reaching intimacy. It was a kind of unspoken deal that if something happened it would have been at the right moment. And it would be something we shared leaving the past behind and feeling ready. We didn't want to rush things and it was a right decision but now thing are getting more complicated, in a tender way. To quote 'Spring Awakening' again I, but this goes for Finnick too, '_Can't help the itch to touch, to kiss, to hold him once again'_: it gets more difficult to stop, we always look for an excuse to touch and every time we kiss we both want more. We are ready, of that I am sure, but, at the same time, we are both afraid to take this big step: Finnick doesn't want to impose himself and I don't want to force him...

"Annie?"

"What?"

"Could you make some place?" I get up and he sits beside me and leans his arm around my waist pulling me closer.

"It was a wonderful day, thank you" I say.

"You're welcome, but I think you should thank Percy and Odine" he smiles.

We just sit there for some time, then Finnick gently lifts my chin and leans down to kiss me. It is sweet and gentle at first but then grows more passionately, he slips his tongue in my mouth and I don't resist him. I feel tingling and warm inside, and I feel strange feelings between my legs as Finnick takes me on his nap. I clench my arms around his neck and pull him closer, eager to feel him near me. He puts his hand on my back and gently lays me on the sofa, and begins to caress my body. But suddenly he stops.

"Annie, I'm so sorry I shouldn't..."

"Finn...let's do it" I say with a smile.

"Annie, are you sure? It's a big step and no one is forcing us, I don't want to rush things" I don't answer him, I just pull him closer and kiss him again. Suddenly a thought comes in to my mind and this time it is me who stops.

"No wait, I'm scared to death Finnick. I don't know what to do"

"Don't worry, but I think it is better if we go upstairs" he helps me to get up and leads me to the stairs. We are on the first step when the doorbell ring. We both jump and somehow manage to reach the door even though we are both panting.

"Who is it now?" I ask.

"Well certainly not the twins" he jokes.

"Gosh imagine it is Damien and Ygritte, that would be the most embarrassing thing ever"

The door bell rings again and Finnick shouts "Coming! Just a second!".


	30. Chapter 30

**Author's note: **Quote from the song 'Whispering' from 'Spring Awakening'.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games' (they belong to Suzanne Collins) nor 'Spring Awakening'.

Chapter 30:

When we have reached self-control again, even if only a little, we open the door and try to act normal (difficult thing to do when you are trying to control your panting and breath normally again, and you are tingling for excitement). Much to our surprise, and with a little relief, it is neither Damien nor Ygritte. It is Mags.

Right, this equally embarrassing, maybe a little less since she won't make explicit comments about it, but still embarrassing. And I know that Mags was young too and that she was married etcetera but right now I feel a little uncomfortable with the thought of her understanding what was going on between Finnick and me a moment ago and were that lead.

"I'm so sorry Finn for coming without calling first but I wanted to know if you could light the fireplace for me. This weather is perfect for sitting in front of it on a rocking chair and knitting" she stops for a moment and looks first at me then at Finnick "Are you both fine? You two look rather flushed and messed up"

Oh dear, she knows! We are going to receive understanding glances for the rest of our lives.

"No we are both fine" answers Finnick "And of course I will help you, you don't have to ask. Just wait a moment so that I can put on some shoes".

"So where you enjoying yourselves? I saw the twins this afternoon" she asks me.

"Yes it was fun" I smile to her. I somehow think that the first part of the sentence was not related to the second.

"Let's go Mags. Annie I will be back soon" thus they leave.

Finnick comes back in twenty minutes, he smiles "Annie I fear Mags knows everything, she didn't say anything but she kept on continuously excuse herself for popping into our house without any warning. And we have to remember that she knows me best, better than I know myself as a matter of fact"

"How can I face her again? I could die of embarrassment"

"No, she will be discreet after a few hints she will drop the subject. Just wait until Ygritte and Damien find out"

"They will, Finn they know everything! It will be hell: they will stare at me and ask me until it doesn't come out! They will just do it to tease us" I blush scarlet.

"Annie technically speaking nothing has happened, not yet" he laughs.

I look at him: he is so adorable with his sea green eyes that seem brighter than usual, his cunning smile and the dimples on his cheeks. I bite my lower lip for the awkwardness of all of this. I'm jumpy, but in a good way. 'Now or never' I think, and I take a step towards.

"I guess you still want to go on with it" How can Finnick be so calm? Thinking about it, it may be a good thing right now.

"I'm... ready to face the others... comments" my voice comes out croaky.

"Well then: let's go upstairs shall we?" he takes my hand and hold is tight until we reach the bedroom. The way up the stairs seems to last an eternity and it also seems so unreal it feels like floating, the sensation is completely new and unexpected.

Finnick embraces me and whispers "My love, if you don't feel comfortable and want to stop, or if I am hurting you just tell me"

"Okay" I feel it again the warm feeling inside me and the strange sensation between my legs. I raise my head and follow my instincts: I kiss his mouth, his neck, his jaw line. I sense Finnick responding at my touch: he relaxes but at the same time he is hardening.

His hands wonder on my body and he begins to caress me gently but with a certain urge. He fumbles mutely with his hands slowly takes my clothes off and then his too. We stand there naked and I feel a wave of embarrassment hit me again. This is so wired, I look at the pavement because I think of all my flaws while Finnick he is so beautiful even with ruffled her and flushed cheeks. Plus I really have no idea of how to go on from now on.

"Annie, don't look away: you don't have to be embarrassed"

"I..." I can't think of something rational to say, because my fears and worries probably seem pointless to him.

"You're beautiful. Come" I step closer, I run my fingertips on his chest, with some hesitation, as if to memorize everything about him. His skin is soft and warm under my touch. Finally I lean my arms on his back, slowly running up and down.

He leans me gently on the bed following next "Are you sure you want to go on? We are still in time to stop"

No we are not, if there was a moment to stop it was when the doorbell rung but not now. None of us could. I nod to him, "Remember what I have told you. Just don't lie only to try to please me" and he leans on me.

[...]

It didn't hurt much, and it was gentle and sweet. We are lying in bed, he with an arm under my waist and with the other he strokes my hair, while I am cuddling on his side with my head on his chest. I look at him "Thanks Finn"

"My love, the pleasure was all mine " he jokes.

He is smiling and so am I, we both could burst for happiness.

"I love you so very much"

"Cresta do you say 'so very' only because of what happened?"

"No" I give him a quick kiss "I" kiss "already loved you so very much" at this point I linger on his mouth and slowly let my tongue slip in, I move gently and slowly.

Finnick groans "This is torture Cresta"

"What don't you like it?" I say with an indignant tone.

"What happened to sweet, gentle and SHY Annie Cresta?"

"_I Had a sweetheart on his knees so faithful and adoring, and he touched me and I let him love me, so let that be my story_"

"Do you realize that quoting Wendla Bergman 'Spring Awakening' doesn't answer my question?"

"I know, but it's true. Besides poor Wendla!"

"Cresta I am not going to discuss Spring Awakening with you, not now! So what happened to Annie Cresta?"

I don't answer instead I continue what I started a few minutes ago, only this time I move even more slowly. Finnick pulls me on the top of him but my stomach begins to rumble and he lets me go.

"Guess someone is hungry! I'll go down you don't move" he puts his underwear on and goes downstairs. Meanwhile I put on my pants and my jumper, both lying on the floor. When he comes back he has a tray in his hand "Slices of bread with fish fillet" he explains smiling "It is the quickest recipe I know" he grins.


	31. Chapter 31

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 31:

Something must have happened in the Capitol during the seventy-third annual Hunger Games because Finnick comes back smiling. It is a very large smile, almost too big for his face. This is unexpected and I'm not saying that I am not happy about it or he has no right to do so but it worries me: it usual takes him days to smile like that. I wonder what caused this change of mood: I know he had to see clients because we discussed about it before he left so it isn't that. I have no clue what else it could be. I still didn't talk about it with Finnick.

"Annie, is everything all right?" asks Damien.

"Yes, I was just lost in my thoughts. How is Ygritte?" Ygritte is two months pregnant and last time I saw her, she wasn't coping well.

"She has drastic changes of mood and has morning sickness"

"I know it's a bit early to ask but have you thought of baby names?"

"Yes, Caspian if it's a boy and Estella if it's a girl. We found it nice to name them after them, they were two extraordinary persons I think they would have liked it"

"I agree, if Caspian was still alive he would have joked about the fact that you married and had children"

That is because when Damien was seventeen and me and Caspian sixteen, he swore that he would never fall in love least of all marry. We always teased him about it and now the exact opposite happened.

"I guess he would have made a perfect copy of my voice and acted like I was"

We both laugh but I immediately stop because Caspian gave his life for me, and didn't see the wedding and will not see Damien's child. And will never marry and will never have children. And will not joke about the fact that I am in love with Finnick Odair, thing of which he would have been happy about.

"Annie? Are you still with me?"

"What?"

"Is everything all right?"

"I was thinking about the things Caspian will never see"

"Little one, he would be so happy about everything that happened in the last few years. And I know that it is different to think that he would be and knowing for sure but sometimes not everything happens as we want it to. You have to stop blaming yourself"

"I know it is not my fault but it is difficult. Sometimes more than others. There are a lot of things he would have liked and Estella too. She would have been so excited to attend your wedding and to see the baby. She loved children!"

My brother smiles "Yes, I remember she always offered to babysit her little cousins and spoil them so much that sometimes she got in to trouble"

I help him a little more in the shop and then leave in order to be home for dinner.

When I get home I find Finnick sitting in the garden, he seems lost in his thoughts and is staring at the empty air. I reach him slowly fearing that I will frighten him, I lean my hand on his shoulder.

"Finn? Finn?"

He blinks and shakes his head just as I do when I am stacked in my mind.

"Evening, my love. How's Damien?"

"Fine and so is Ygritte, they are going to name the baby either Caspian or Estella" I smile to him.

"That's nice" he answers but he looks distracted.

"Is everything all right?" Now I am worried.

"Yes, perfectly. Go inside I will soon follow, I prepared soup it's in the kitchen"

"See you soon" I give him a quick kiss.

When I'm inside I lay the table. We are nearly done when Finnick drops his spoon and stares at me. He still hasn't understand that I hate to be stared at, although sometimes I think he does it on purpose.

"What?" I ask.

"Annie, will you marry me?" he asks.

"WHAT?" I must have misheard him, this can't be possible.

"I said, Will you marry me?"

"Why?"

"Because we love each other" I wish it was as simple as that.

I look at him "Finnick have you gone mad? We can't do that!"

As much as I want to, we can't it would only mean defy Snow's orders and that would cause the suffering of someone close. We can't afford that not now that Ygritte is pregnant.

"Annie, one day, soon, things will change. I don't mean marry now, it would be impossible to do it officially, but we can wait and I am certain that soon we can do it"

So that's why he was smiling when he came back, slowly all pieces of the puzzle fit together. Soon, he said. I think about it a moment and I realize that maybe there is a plot against the Capitol, otherwise how could he be so sure? There is no way we can marry while Snow holds the power.

"My love, I begin to feel rejected if you don't answer soon"

"I accept but with one condition: you won't do anything to stupid or to risky. Just think about it twice before you do a thing. Right?"

He nods.

"I don't care if we have to wait Finnick. I am happy as we live now"

"Me too. It's just that sometimes I wish I was only yours"

"You are only mine. It has always been just as two here, now and forever. The rest is just details and we agreed that we were Finnick and Annie before anything else"

"So you are absolutely sure you want to marry me?"

"Yes! I am sure!"

He gets up and gives me a kiss "You know what Cresta? Let's forget about dinner, I have a better idea"

I look at him sceptically "Really?" I pause "Does it involve me you and a comfy place?" I mock him.

"Are you making fun of me?"

I shake my head, he takes my hand and makes me stand up. No he isn't going to win this: I sit down again.

"Who said that I agreed? I'm hungry Odair!" I take a spoon of soup and eat it. I continue to do so, but Finnick is blowing air on my neck.

"Stop it!"

"Doing what?" he answers innocently.

"You know what! If you don't stop I eat your soup too" he snorts and rolls his eyes but stops and I continue to eat.

When I'm finished he looks at me "Satisfied?"

"Perhaps, no wait I know what I need". I go in the kitchen and take some sugar cubes. I go to him and I offer him one. "Want a sugar cube? Usually they are given to horses but who cares right?"

He laughs and answers "Precisely!" and pops a sugar cube in to his mouth.


	32. Chapter 32

**Author's note:** Thank you all for the reviews! I kept the original dialogue of Peeta's interview ergo quotes from 'The Hunger Games' by Suzanne Collins.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 32:

The seventy-fourth Hunger Games are the games that changed everything, one single action led by fondness and love caused a total strike off in one of the most powerful systems. One wrong decision taken by a sentimental man and president Snow and the Capitol's power begun to crack. And who would have thought that a sixteen year old girl, from the most remote District, twelve that is, could have outsmart the Capitol.

It ends with Claudius Templesmith's voice that announces "Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Victors of the seventy-fourth annual Hunger Games: Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark!". A boy and a girl, two victors in a show that requested only one. The 'star-crossed lovers' they call them. Their romance moved a nation, if one could really call it romance: I don't doubt Peeta's love but I still have some doubts on Katniss. She surely cares for him but is it really love? There are times that she seemed highly indifferent. Right I am not the best person to judge but between them it's not like with me or Finnick, or Damien and Ygritte. Not that I am saying that we are the right terms to be compared to. Anyway, if Katniss really loves Peeta she still hasn't discovered it herself. It is not nice to say but at the beginning it was really only an act, maybe later she begun to fall for him. I think she has to discover it herself still: maybe Peeta crept up on her. Who knows; love not always is something that comes immediately, sometimes it takes time to form an attachment.

It ended like that but it all begun at the reaping day.

I was on the sofa watching the recaps of the reaping, with Damien and Ygritte by the time it was District Twelve's turn there have already been chosen two kids, a boy from District Five and a girl from Eleven. it is always painful to see children go.

The major of the District made his usual speech and then the escort of Twelve dipped her hand in the girl's bowl and opened the slip of paper.

"Primrose Everdeen" her voice resonated in the square and a twelve-year-old girl, who doesn't even look eligible, with two blond braids that fall on her shoulder and an outfit that isn't really of her size (since the back of her shirt hangs out, looking like a duck's tail) walks on stage. By the time she has stepped outside the group of twelve years old girls and is accompanied by some peacekeepers an older girl runs towards her.

"Prim!" She screams "Prim!" than grabs one arm of the little girl and steps forward "I volunteer as tribute!" she screams again. She is escorted on stage while the little girl continues to scream for her. It is a heartbreaking scene and soon we all find out that the volunteer is Katniss Everdeen, Prim's sister. Then the boy is called, "Peeta Mellark" a blond boy steps forward he seems a little lost, as if he didn't expect his name to be called. No one volunteers for him: but what Katniss did was something rare. Volunteering is not common except in the Career Districts.

This was the first 'revolution', the second comes during the tribute's parade: I don't know what their stylist did but both Peeta and Katniss are dressed as if they were on fire. They leave an impression, because who could forget something extraordinary as that? And they had also the striking idea to hold hands, but is not as I did with Caspian because they hold their entwined fingers high in the air. They seem to show pride but also an attachment towards each other: as if they were screaming to the world that they are going to face the events of the next few weeks together.

From that moment things escalated quickly and the all led to drastic changes. There is only one more moment before the games that remains to tell and that was, I think, the final hint, the episode that set everything in motion. This was the love declaration on live television made by Peeta Mellark to Katniss Everdeen. His words made everybody forget about the other twenty-two tributes: he managed to get all the attention. The attention, from now on, was all on him And on Katniss who got an eleven in training.

It didn't happen right at the beginning of his interview but at the end of it. Peeta Mellark walks on stage and begins to joke with Caesar Flickerman, he first compares all the tributes to types of bread (he is the son of a baker) and then talks about the elaborate showers in the Capitol. There is a moment of silence and then Caesar asks him if he has a girlfriend back home, Peeta shakes his head and Caesar replies:

"Handsome lad like you. There must be a special girl, come on what's her name?"

Peeta sights "Well, there is this one girl. I had a crush on her ever since I can remember. But I'm pretty sure she didn't know I was alive until the reaping"

The crowd murmurs in sympathy, because who can't relate with this?

"She have another fellow?" continues Caesar.

"I don't know, but a lot of boys like her"

"So here's what you do. You win, you go home. She can't turn you down then, eh?" says Caesar encouragingly .

"I don't think it's going to work. Winning...won't help me"

"Why ever not?"

Peeta blushes beet red and replies "Because...Because... She came here with me"

The cameras hold on his downcast eyes, everyone is surprised and immediately sympathizes with him. Poor Peeta who had love the same girl his entire life and now is set against her, with no possibility to get out of the situation. There are some agonized cries in the audience and even Caesar's voice has a note of pain in it when he says "Oh, that's a bad piece of luck"

"It's no good" answers Peeta.

Bam! It's like Peeta dropped a bomb on the audience, now everybody is interested in the story and most of all they are all interested in Katniss. This is why I think on her side it was an act, because great part of the romance was carried on Peeta's shoulders. But his words were true, no one could doubt them: the look in his eyes when he declared himself, full of fondness and resignation. I feel bad for him.

This is when the entire fuss about the star-crossed lovers starts, but it is definitely in the games that it goes out of control.


	33. Chapter 33

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 33:

It is a heart breaking scene to watch Rue, the girl tribute from District 11, die. She was so small and young and did not deserve that fate. No one deserves it, not even the Careers. I know that they are cruel and brutal and worst of all they killed Caspian and Estella, but they are only the result of a distorted education. If one is raised up and taught to believe in certain values, whether they are right or wrong, in the end one finishes to believe in them. It's called brainwashing, but unluckily this is how things work.

Rue teamed up with Katniss after Katniss throw a tracker-jacker nest on the Careers, who by the way teamed up with Peeta (he did it to protect Katniss leading the careers in the opposite direction where she really was), and was stung herself. The thing about tracker-jackers is that their venom can cause powerful hallucinations and in extreme cases death. The stingers must be removed immediately, if one doesn't want to make it worse. When Katniss was stung she run away but then passed out for a couple of day. Rue found her and cured her, then they became allies.

Returning to Rue's death: they made a plan to cut the Careers' supplies, Katniss blow them up while Rue had to light fires to cause a distraction. It worked well until Rue fall in a trap: Katniss freed her from the net but in the same time Marvel, the boy from one, reached them. He threw a spear and Katniss shot an arrow, unfortunately she was too late and Marvel already hit Rue in the chest. The wound was far beyond every possibility to be cured and Katniss knew it well, she took Rue's head on her nap and sung for her. By the time the song ended Rue was dead.

"Annie, it's all right come here" Damien's arms embraces me, while I try to stop sobbing.

"It's not fair!" I shout "She was twelve! Twelve!" She was nearly the same age as the twins. What would happen if they get chosen? How would they die? The worst scenarios are played in my mind: my breathing becomes irregular and tears are wetting my cheeks.

"Annie, I agree but please calm down and breath"

"Look!" screams Ygritte.

We turn our eyes to the television and see it: Katniss covering Rue with flowers. When she finishes she makes the same three finger salute they made to her when she volunteered for her sister. It shows respect and admiration.

"They will make her pay for it!" I gasp, this is an act of rebellion: one should not care for the death of other tributes, and most of all not make their death unforgettable and honor them. Katniss did not do it on purpose, she was very probably moved by love, but it doesn't matter. She just made herself a target for the game makers, what if it is worse than this? What if it turns on her family? On her little sister whom she tried to protect in any way she could?

"Nonono, please no" I whisper to myself. They can't do this! Suddenly rage and fury overwhelm me because this is the first time I fully understand how much the Capitol holds us under their control. It's not only the games, because even in them one can become the target of the Capitol and most of all of President Snow. They can kill you, that's true but the best form of revenge is to make you come out and kill everyone you love. That is even worse: you will spend the rest of his day blaming yourself.

"When will this stop? Will it ever stop?" I murmur.

"Hard to say, but things are changing Annie. There are small changes in people's mood" replies my brother. Is it true? I guess it is. I think of Finnick's behavior in the last two years: his words, his marriage proposal. He was, and still is, so sure that things were going to change.

"Rebellion" I say quietly. It sounds so strange said aloud, almost impossible.

That night before falling asleep I think again about what happened recently: during the interviews and in the arena. And about what Damien told me, the mood in our district changing. I still can't believe it: there may come a day when we will not be under Snow's control anymore, when no more children will be put in a slaughter, no more girls or boys forced in to prostitution, no more self blaming after one's family died because of a wrong answer, a denial or a relationship that was not supposed to happen. And finally one day when Finnick and I will be officially married: no more hiding, no more acts to put on, no more clients he will have to see. It will be us two, Finnick and Annie Odair for the rest of our lives. It sounds egotistical but I am so happy at the thought.

I fall asleep smiling and dream of Caspian and Estella, how they would be now if they hadn't been killed. '_We are so proud about you'_ is the last thing they say to me before the dream vanishes. It's been a while since I last dreamt of them: it was happy and sad at the same time.

"Why are you smiling?" asks me Ygritte the next morning.

"I was just thinking. And I dreamt of Caspian and Estella"

She smiles me back.

"How are you today Ygritte?"

"I feel huge, if I knew what it meant to get pregnant I would have never agreed to have children!" she laughs.

"Well if you want to know, Damien never wanted to marry or have children" I tell sincerely.

"And couldn't he have said it a little earlier? I would have not to suffer all of this" she places a hand on her round belly.

At her mention the pregnancy I sadden again, and tears are watering my eyes. "Ygritte, I can't stop thinking about that little girl in the arena. What if we are wrong? What if nothing is going to change?" How do people have to bring babies in such an ugly world, when they will grow up and risk their lives since they are twelve?

"Come here Annie. It's all right, let's be optimistic"

I was never an optimistic person, how could I? I was just being foolish yesterday when I thought about a new world coming. Nothing is ever going to change. How could I think otherwise? After all I have seen? After all I have been through? My parents' death, Estella murdered, Caspian's head rolling away, Rue's dead body... All this images overwhelm my mind, I even taste the salty water in my mouth, just as I did when I crashed on the rocks. I scream out loud and close my eyes trying to get free of those flashbacks. But I can't.

"Annie, come back" Damien whispers, but it takes a long time to finally go back to reality.

[...]

That night Claudius Templesmith's voices announces a rule change: two victors are allowed as long as they come from the same district. Katniss cries out for Peeta, her voice full of hope. And I wonder if it is the beginning of her punishment, let her think that they both can go home and in the end take it all back, so that if they make it in the end she will have to choose. Peeta will insist that it is her who must come out, but what will she do?


	34. Chapter 34

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 34:

A few days later I am woken by a terrific scream that pierces the air. At first I think that I have imagined it but then I hear it again. It is Ygritte and it sounds like they are killing her. I free myself from the blankets and run downstairs. And there she is, her face is a mask of pain and she is holding her hands so tight that her knocks are white.

"Annie" she pauses and leans her head back "my waters broke, you...must call Damien and fetch the midwife"

She screams again.

"Ygritte, I will run and fetch them, you just have to resist a few more minutes"

I open the door and run as fast as I can, still in my pyjama, to 'Cresta's nets'. "Damien! Ygritte she... the labor has started! You have to run, she is not well!" I cry out. He runs out side, while I close the shop. I don't follow my brother but instead go and fetch the midwife. It takes us twenty minutes to reach them. When we arrive Ygritte's condition has gotten worse: She can't breath properly and she seems a little lost. I begin to cry.

"What is wrong with her?" I scream. I never assisted a baby coming to the world but surely this is not right: Ygritte is as white as a sheet and seems lost. She alternates moments in which she grasps desperately for air and moments in which she doesn't breath.

The midwife measures Ygritte's blood pressure, she check how much she has dilated and so on. When she has finished all the controls, she looks at Ygritte with a concerned face.

"Mrs Cresta, when did it start?"

Ygritte doesn't answer, she just looks around as if trying to understand what are we all doing near her. As if she didn't understand what is happening to her. She has hollow eyes.

I answer instead "The pain two hours ago, I don't know when her waters broke. She said when the pain came, but I am not sure"

"Annie, silly thing we must finish with those orders" says Ygritte.

"What?" what is she saying? I can't understand why she is talking about jewellery all of a sudden.

"The one for the Capitol" she breaths "We have to finish them!"

"No Ygritte, you are in labour!"

"Darling, please. What is happening?" Damien takes Ygritte's hand.

"Annie, why are you here. Where is Finnick? Have you quarreled?"

What is happening? Why is she doing this? She knows that Finnick is away for the games! And she know that we have finished all the jewellery a week or so before.

"Please get the baby out! The pain is killing me" Ygritte starts to panic when she manages to focus again on the reality around her.

"Darling calm down, it will end any minute now. But you have to calm down"

"Why can't I see anything?" asks Ygritte

"Mr Cresta, Damien, there is something wrong: her ankles are too swollen, and she loses too often contact with world. If she is also losing her sight things can only get worse"

Worse? What comes next? What could be possible be worse than this? Than it strikes me: death. No this is so so so wrong. I feel breaking down but I can't lose myself: my brother needs me.

"Mr Cresta, this is eclampsia! We have to get her to the hospital before the seizures start, they will operate her. If they do there are high chances that she survives this. But if the baby comes out naturally the shock might be too much. She could die"

My brother gets pale, while Ygritte continues to scream. Every time she begins again her tone of voice gets higher and higher.

"Damien, how much time do we need to reach the hospital?"

"Thirty minutes"

"We don't have that time. There must be something else we can do"

An idea strikes me "The Dorells have a car! Do you think they can help us?" I don't wait for an answer, I run outside and run to the Dorells. It takes me five minutes. I knock furiously on the door, and Caspian's dad opens immediately.

"Annie what?"

"It's Ygritte we have to take us to the hospital! She could die. Could you please bring us by car?"

He doesn't answer but goes to the garage and makes me sit in the front with him, he drives and grabs Damien and Ygritte. Then takes us to the hospital. Damien brings her inside and they recover her immediately. We are not allowed in and they make us accommodate in the waiting room. I sit down exhausted but my brother walks up and down the corridor, he cries silently.

I couldn't imagine my brother's life without Ygritte, nor in fact mine. She is such a wonderful person: always smiling and being kind. Asking inappropriate questions and then laugh about my embarrassment: she has become my best friend with the years and I couldn't imagine losing her.

"It will be all right" says Caspian's father.

I nod, just this once I will try to be optimistic. "Thank you for helping us"

"You are welcome"

For the rest of the waiting hours we stay silent, we fear that us speaking about the future will just make something bad happen. Then a nurse comes out of the room where they were operating Ygritte, she holds a bundle.

"Mr Cresta, congratulations a beautiful girl" she gives him the baby. My brother takes it carefully and we reach him. She is so small and beautiful, with blue eyes and hazel brown hair.

"What's her name?"

"Estella Nadine Cresta. How is my wife?" he asks, his voice trembling.

"They are trying to stabilize her conditions; we will know more soon"

She shouldn't have said that, because as soon as the last words come out of her mouth, they call her in for a complication. All we can do now is hope that nothing happens.

Another hour passes and the nurse comes back again "She is stable, you can see her if you want".

My brother sights and we all go in the room, quietly, trying not to make any noise. Ygritte lies on the bed: she is sleeping and still looks completely ill, all sorts of tubes on her.

At least now she is out of trouble. I am happy. Damien sits near her and takes her hand "Don't do anything like this again. Never. I nearly died for fear. Ygritte darling, we have a wonderful girl and you are alive."

Ygritte moves and opens her eyes, she makes a little smile "Hey" she whispers and then falls asleep again.


	35. Chapter 35

**Author's note: **Thanks for the reviews! (also the ones for my other story 'Finnick's last letter', which I suggest to read if you want to know what will happen in 'Odesta - a romance' in the future)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 35:

"Mr. Cresta. She is out of danger and the fact that she woke up is the confirmation of it"

"But?"

"But there is still the possibility that the seizures start anyway, we have to keep her under observation for the next forty-eight hours. When this range of time has passed, she is definitely safe"

"OK. How high are the chances of a relapse?"

"The human life is unpredictable but they are very low. Your wife will live"

During those two days my brother spends all the time with Ygritte, talking to her and controlling if she needs something and if everything is all right. He also nurses Estella giving her milk with a feeding bottle. Ygritte can't do it, she is mostly asleep, but the nurses said that, when she regains forces, she can feed her herself if she wants and if her body has the power to do so.

When Ygritte leaves the hospital two days later, she is still weak but she recovers fine and this is the most important thing. I spend my days with her and Estella and so does my brother, who has closed the shop for a few days until Ygritte feels better. I try not fall asleep when I am with them because I fear that as soon as I close my eyes something terrible is going to happen. Just as a few days ago. I know that my fears are completely irrational and even if I was awake when Ygritte's labor started I could have done nothing to prevent eclampsia. A small part of me thinks that I could have noticed something sooner. Unfortunately that part of me prevails, and when I look at them I feel guilty.

"Annie, you should rest" whispers my brother.

"I am not tired, I took a nap" I lie: it's true that sometimes I fall asleep but it is never for long.

"Annie..." He knows as well as me that I didn't say the truth, I am sure I look horrible.

"I am not. Can I hold Estella for some time?"

He nods and I take her carefully. She is so small in my arms, and her expression is so peaceful.

"Hey Estella" I whisper "I hope you will grow up in a better place than we were: you don't deserve the same fate a lot of us had. That is what your second name means: hope. It was not in the original plan you know but you and your mummy frightened us to death and the world is changing, so it seemed to fit. You know what? You will become a wonderful person, just like the one you were named after" I cradle her gently.

Estella looks so small, and it seems almost strange that she is so quiet and calm in such a horrible world.

"Has she already eaten?" asks Ygritte

"Yes, Damien did that an hour ago. How are you Ygritte?

"Tired and happy. She is so beautiful" she smiles, and I give her Estella.

"No one could deny that. She is going to break many hearts when she grows up" I joke.

"Just like her father"

"Naa, he never had many 'fans'"

"Well, I was one"

I remember her mentioning that she had a crush on my brother when she was little.

"You are going to be wonderful parents"

"Let's hope so"

No they are going to be, and Estella will inherit the best qualities they have. Ygritte gets up and leans Estella in the cradle, then goes back to sleep. I go downstairs to grab something to eat, and that is when I see it: Peeta and Katniss in front of the Cornucopia threatening to kill themselves. They must have revoked the rule change, just as I thought. Only I haven't watched the games since Rue's death, so I feel like I am missing something.

"Damien!" I scream, my brother comes running.

"What?"

"Look" I say, while pointing at the television. That is the moment when Claudius Templesmith's voice announces that both Katniss and Peeta are the victors of the seventy-fourth Hunger Games. Both. two victors, bound by such a strong love that they decided to defy the Capitol. But the question remains the same: was it really love? I couldn't say since I didn't saw the story go on. Perhaps. Of one thing I am sure she cares for him, as a friend maybe but she cares. Or she would have let him die.

They defied the Capitol. Two teenagers defied the Capitol. A smile creeps on my face, things are really changing. I smile even wider when I realize that Finnick is going to be home soon. Sooner than expected: Snow would never risk to keep the other victors close to Katniss and Peeta, they might be influenced and then where would we be? Not that it changes much. I am sure that lots of people have developed a visceral hate towards the president. In fact I think that there was already a certain disagreement before this games.

"Annie, go home. Take a rest" Damien tries to convince me again. But I can't, I can't close my eyes! Every time I do I see Ygritte's hollow eyes.

"I'm not..."

"Annie, what would Finnick say if he found you like this?" It is not fair that he introduces Finnick in the conversation! He knows that I don't want to make him worry and do what he asks. Everything but showing Finnick that I am again in a self blaming phase. It would break his heart and I don't want it.

"Right I'll do it. But it's not fair to make me do things by mentioning Finnick!"

"Annie, if it is the only way to make you do them I will use it. Besides you really look like you need a long sleep"

"I guess you are right. See you, call me immediately if something happens! promise me!"

"I promise. Now Go!" says Damien shoving me out of the door.

What he doesn't know is that I can't sleep, because I can't control my mind and my fears when I am asleep. I have gathered so much stress in the last few days that as soon as I fall asleep all the worst episodes of the last ten years come back to haunt me. I see them all over again, often overlapping one with the other. There is nothing that could help me get away from it. Except Finnick's calming presence, but he isn't here to help me. Not that I was planning not to sleep until he comes back, that would be impossible, but I thought that taking short naps would help. Well it doesn't, and I can't think of anything else now: because after I took a shower and changed myself I fall on the bed and drift away almost immediately.


	36. Chapter 36

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 36:

My sleep is restless. I dream of Ygritte dying because of the seizures that started anyway despite the medical's reassurances. I wake up crying and terrorized, because I can't distinguish dream and reality. What if this is a dream and what happened before was reality? How can I be sure of what I am living? Usually I would have asked Finnick, as I always do, but he hasn't come back yet.

_'Annie, if you are not sure go and check yourself' _

The words Caspian once told me come in to my mind and I decide that this is the most convenient option to follow, since I can't think of something else to calm down my fear. I get up and leave the house wearing a night-gown over my pajama: I don't care if anyone sees me. I don't have the time to change, if I had to wait I could end having a complete breakdown: my mind will not stop with the stream of thoughts until I know for sure that everything is all right.

"Annie what?" my brother looks bewildered.

"Is everything all right? Are you all right?" I ask eagerly.

"Yes, why?" he looks at me for a moment and probably decides that it is better if I check myself because he immediately adds "Go and check yourself"

I get in and I am very much reassured when I see Ygritte on the sofa nursing Estella. They are both fine: Ygritte doesn't look ill at all and is perfectly capable of controlling her body. I sight and smile because I am so-so happy to see that my dream was not real.

"Hey silly thing! How are you? What are you doing here?" she asks.

"I'm all right; I had to check on all of you because of... it doesn't matter"

"We are all fine, as you can see. Annie you don't have to worry"

I know that, but at the same time I had to check that they are all right. I can't explain to them my worries because I don't know how to put it in the right way in order to avoid their worries. My brother has already so many things to take care about and Ygritte too without me adding a new weight. "I love you all so much. Did you know that?"

"Yes" my brother answers "you have told us a thousand times. Do you go home or stay with us?"

"I'll stay with you, if I am not intruding" I say mocking Ygritte.

"There is nothing to intrude" replies Ygritte mocking me.

I stay with them until after dinner, than I go back home. On my way I hear people whisper behind me, I don't blame them any more I stopped doing that years ago. Besides sometimes I myself think me crazy no matter what other say.

When I enter my house, I hear a noise coming from upstairs and panic.

"Annie? Is that you?" Finnick's voice reaches me and I calm down because it is him and not someone who came to bring bad news.

"Annie I heard about Ygritte, I am so sorry" he says and meantime he runs down the stairs, reaching me and enfolding me in his embrace. He must have just had a shower because he is only in his underwear and his hair is wet and it drops on his shoulder. I lean my head on his chest enjoying his steadiness and his warmth. And in the moment I lean on him I break down completely. it's like I build a wall inside my mind in the last few days leaving all the bad thoughts, all my worries outside but now I can't do that anymore. It all comes out at once and I begin to sob desperately, my whole body shakes. Finnick just pulls me closer, I didn't want to receive him like this I should have tried to resist a little more.

"Shh... It's all right Annie" he strokes my hair .

"I thought we lost her forever. I was there and I should have noticed something I should... I..."

"Annie, my love, it's not your fault. This things happen and you are not a doctor Annie"

We stay silent, I can't stop thinking about the dream I made. Finnick doesn't say anything, he knows that it always takes me a while to calm down when my irrational part prevails and there is nothing he can do or say to make me feel better. When the self blaming starts it's just a way down.

When my sobs lower down a bit he asks "Is it a boy or a girl?"

"A girl: Estella Nadine" I say parting from his embrace.

"Do you feel better?"

I nod. He looks at me and studies my outfit, he just realized that I went out with my pajama.

"Are you launching a new fashion line?"

"No, why? I had urgent business to do. You are not the best person to say that since you are going around in only your underwear in my house"

"Well, I don't go out with only my underwear Cresta"

"I should hope so! But Finnick couldn't you cover up?"

"Why?" he makes a ridiculous pose "Do you find this distracting?"

"Very" I look at him and only now I realized that I actually cried against him and he has to take another shower. "Finn I am sorry"

"Don't be. I can imagine your stress" No, he thinks I'm sorry for the breakdown, well I am, but that is not what I was talking about.

"No, I am sorry to have used you as handkerchief. It's gross, Bleah"

"I'll take another shower...Do you want to join me?" he winks.

I blush beet red and shriek "Finn!"

"What?"

"You can't say things like that! It is embarrassing" I know that I shouldn't be embarrassed because we passed the point of no return years ago, but when he says out loud things like this I feel a little uncomfortable.

"My love, we crossed that line years ago and if I remember correctly you are the one who asked me to cross it"

"This is different"

He sighs theatrically and rolls his eyes "You are no fun Annie".

"Yes, yes I know. But you are a born comedian" I reply.

He just continues to grin. Wait...why is he doing this? It usually takes him some time to joke about intimacy when he comes back.

"Finn, why are you so excited? Has something happened?"

"Oh yes. But I can't tell you what... I am sorry, it's for your own safety"

I believe him when he says that it's for my own safety. The only thing I fear is that he doesn't consider his own.

"Finn, just remember: don't do anything stupid"

"I will"


	37. Chapter 37

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 37:

"She is so beautiful" exclaims Finnick when he sees Estella. Damien hands her to him and he carefully takes her, and carefully begins to cradle her. She opens her eyes and looks at him for a moment than makes a grimace that vaguely reminds of a smile and begins to make happy gurgles. "Hello Estella! I'm Finnick your aunt's... fiancée" he taps her little nose and Estella goes into raptures, and continues to gurgle. Finnick just talks gibberish with her and giggles at her attentions.

"No way!" says Damien "You managed to conquer my daughter! Your charm works even on babies! How do you even do that?" he laughs.

"Well, it's the Odair charm: everyone falls for it"

"Everyone?" I reply.

"You did. And you are the world to me, my love"

"That was cheesy! Considering the fact that you write poetry" I laugh. He just puts his tongue out and continues to talk to little Estella, whom is very very glad for his attentions. This is his true charm, not his looks but his personality: the fact that he loves children, that he makes cheesy speeches. He is such a good person, amiable and gentle and kind. After a while Finnick gives Estella back to Ygritte, then he looks at my brother "Damien can I talk to you for a moment?" I look first at Finnick then at Damien, wondering what is going on.

"Sure let's go in the kitchen"

What is happening? I hate it when everything is done with such secrecy because it only makes my mind work like crazy, trying desperately to find the answer.

"Annie?" says Ygritte.

"What?"

"Finnick would be such a wonderful father. He adores children! Not only Estella but also the twins. He seems so happy when he is with them, he always consent to whatever they say. He could go on playing for hours with them. He speaks gibberish with Estella and makes her laugh. He knows how to handle them" she says with a smile.

"Yes, I know. I think he loves children because with them he hasn't to act like a grown up person". I believe it's because he had to grow up to quickly: at fourteen he was crowned victor, he killed ten tributes to survive and , even if he will never admit it, it afflicts him (as it does on every victor). At sixteen he was drown into prostitution and he was forced into it ever since. He spent nearly ten years having sex with women and men of every age, complexion and status. In the last years he had the chance to live a normal life at least part of the year: it has changed him. He is no longer the broken man I met, there are still dark sides of him but it is balanced by his happiness and love. This is the life he always wanted, with a family and friends.

"Annie?" Ygritte takes me away from my thoughts.

"Sorry. Did you say something?"

"Yes, why don't you two start a family? Marry? Have children?" she asks with a smile, then immediately adds "I'm sure you are already worked on the last bit in the last few years".

Oh dear! She knows... They know...

"Ygritte... I ... We" I mumble.

"Oh come on Annie! It's not a secret, I mean we just guessed. It was a dinner years ago: Mags kept looking at you two giving understanding glances, so we started to look at you both and we noticed that something changed. I don't know how to put it but.."

"Ygritte, we..." I don't know what to say, each minute that passes I get more and more embarrassed. I really don't know what to say: when Finnick and I finally made love and no one tormented us for it (aside from some glances by Mags) I thought we were 'safe'. Surely I never imagined it would happen two years later!

"I will not torment you silly one! We were not born yesterday, we made some jokes about you but didn't say anything to you because you and Finnick deserved some privacy. Anyway what were we talking about? Because you know, I have no intention to discuss yours and Finnick's sex life in front of little Estella here" I sigh in relief, and the I begin to giggle, because of her last statement.

"Ygritte, you are growing up!"

"Well I am married and have a daughter now, I must at least give a mature impression on the others. Trust me my old me would have asked for details" she winks "Ah yes, we were talking about future!"

I nod.

"So why don't you two get married, have a future together?"

If only she knew. "He asked me, before this games, and I said yes" I stop because we will never have a future together, not as Ygritte is imaging it: we can marry that is true but it will always be a secret. If we have children first it would only make Snow angry, second I don't want him/her to grow up and have a father who is forced to prostitution, third if the games don't stop our children will most likely be reaped.

"But?"

"But it can't happen. It can't because there are parts of our life we don't control"

"Has this something to do with the Capitol? With all his 'flirts'? Annie, we have guessed that there was something wrong with them because when you two got together he still was surrounded by those people. He never had a choice right?"

A loud sob comes out of my mouth and is soon followed by more sobs and by tears.

"Don't cry Annie. It's all right"

I lean my head on her shoulder.

"Hey... what happened?" I get up and reach Finnick, he embraces kisses my head and whispers calming words into my ear. "Come let us go home. Damien remember that you promised"

"Yes"

The sun sets and the sky is filling with all shades of orange and red, we walk in silence. A lot of things are in my mind but the biggest question of all is what was the promise my brother made to Finnick.

"Why were you crying?"

"What promise?"

None of us answers. Fine. We can both play this game: I have no intention whatsoever to give up before him. Why has it always to be me?

"Annie?"

"Finnick?"

Again, none of us speaks. It isn't until later that he eventually tells me what happened. We are lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. "I asked him to keep you safe if anything should happen to me. Things are getting dangerous and better after Katniss stunt with the berries. And I asked him your hand" he smiles at me.

"Finn, that's why I was crying. Because of the future: I really want us to be married and all but I fear of what comes next"

"Well, we can practice with that 'all' if you want to" he pulls me closer and gives me a kiss "That is if you want to practice"

I just kiss him back.


	38. Chapter 38

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 38:

_We are eating dinner when we hear an insistent knock on the door. I jump for the sudden noise. I wonder who it could be at this hour: we saw the others in the afternoon, so there could be only one reason for them to knock. Something must have happened, something bad. I take a deep breath._

_"Annie, calm down: you will see that nothing happened. Wait here, I'll go" says Finnick. he gets up and walks to the door. The knocking continues "Coming" he screams._

_I can't stay calm, I have to go and see by myself who it is, so I follow Finnick to the door._

_As he opens the door we face two peacekeepers, I begin to scream as loud as I can. It is a scream of pain and fear that cuts the evening air. Finnick takes my hand and squeezes it, as to reassure me that everything is going to be fine: that they are here for a simple mistake, or to deliver a message. But they are not. They are not!_

_"Are you Finnick Odair?" asks one of them._

_"I think you know that already. I mean, everyone knows me: I think I can consider myself one of the most famous persons in Panem" he replies in a cocky voice. There it is again: the Capitol version of Finnick Odair. It is astonishing how fast he can put on the act. I know why he does this right now: he is scared to death and tries to hide it. If he plays cocky and arrogant he believes they are not going to notice._

_"You can leave this Odair"_

_"Right then but tell me: why do I have such an honor for this Delightful evening visit?" Finnick replies sarcastically._

_"Finnick Odair, you are under arrest with the charge of high treason against the President Coriolanus Snow". Finnick's face gets pale and all his façade falls down at once._

_"There must be a mistake. I..." he mumbles._

_"You joined a group of rebels and started to plot against the Capitol. We have proof of it"_

_I begin to cry, they can't do this. They can't take him away. _

_Unfortunately they can and they harshly grab his arms and pull him outside._

_"You can't take him!" I scream at them "You can't do it!"_

_Still holding Finnick they look at me and say sharply "Miss, you are lucky that there are no charges against you"._

_"Annie, I..." Finnick looks at me, his face is a mask of pain and sorrow. _

_"Shut up, Odair!" They start to walk away, leaving me on the door frame screaming Finnick's name._

_Where are they taking him? What are they doing to him? They will kill him whispers a voice in my head. He will be dead just like Caspian and Estella and my parents. And. It. Is. All. My. Fault. I continue to scream and crush on the floor closing my eyes tight to stop the flashbacks in front of my eyes._

I wake up suddenly, gasping desperately for air. I am not sure if I screamed also in the real world or only just in my dream. I stretch my arm out reaching for Finnick but the space beside me is empty. This can't be happening! It was a dream right? It didn't really happen. Why do dream and reality always overlap in my mind?

"Finn?" I cry out, but I don't get any response. If he was here he would have said something. I try again, this time louder but still no answer. I get up and begin my way downstairs: I have to grab myself in the handrail because my legs shake too much. Maybe he has left me a note and he has gone out for a moment, but when I look on the kitchen table there is nothing.

"Nonononono, please no. Please come back now" Let him walk in the house now.

I crouch on the sofa, reduced to a crying mess. The more the time passes, the more my mind creates images of Finnick being tortured, of Finnick being executed. _Death_ becomes the only thought inside my mind.

"Annie, come back. I need you" I hear Finnick whispering in my ear, I also feel his hand reaching mine. I blink a few times and look at him. I sit up right "Are you real? Are you actually properly real?" I ask him with some hesitation.

"Yes I am. That means the last time I checked: I was. You can trust me"

"Can I?"

"Always. I will never lie to you. Can I sit next to you?"

I just stare into the distance. I realized only now that, while waiting for a new world coming, there is a chance I might lose him. I can't stand the thought of it, I don't know what to do without him. I need him.

"Annie?"

I open my mouth but a sob comes out and I close it again. Pleaseleave pleaseleave pleaseleave.

"I'm not going away if that's what you are hoping to happen. Instead..." he sits down on the other side of the sofa "I will stay here until you don't tell me what happened. I don't care if it takes the rest of our lives".

He looks at me "here a handkerchief. I would offer you my shoulder but I don't do it for two reasons: one you don't want to come closer to me right now, and two you will not share the shower with me after you cried on me. So what's the point?" he winks. I give him a hint of a smile.

He gasps theatrically "A smile! Miss Cresta just smiled to me! Now are you going to tell me what happened?"

I shake my head, but I get up and curl against his side. "Finn, why do you always make me feel better?"

"It's part of the package. The Odair one, and it's only for you my love"

A part of me wants him to stop to say this things, but I guess it's too late to actually distance myself from him. To be exactly it's four years too late now. Why didn't we think of this back when we met? Why did we never considered how much we needed each other to move on? I don't think this is really a good thing for both of us.

"Oh, Mags sends her greetings. I was by her, if you were wondering where I was. Annie please tell me why you were so distressed"

"Later" I whisper. For now I want only to stay here embraced to him, being happy that we still are together.


	39. Chapter 39

**Author's note: **I had to write something like this because I am also writing my other story which has very dark moments coming on. And The Quarter Quell is coming nearer in this one, so I thought Finnick and Annie deserve to live nice moments before their troubled future... Hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 39:

Katniss and Peeta's victory tour has nearly finished. Tonight there will be the last stage: the interview with Caesar Flickerman and the party at the President's mansion. Then they have finished, until next year: their first years as mentors and it will be for the Quarter Quell. I wouldn't like to be at their place, in a Quarter Quell anything could happen: a double number of tributes, tribute's names chosen by-election and not reaped by chance.

Something happened during their tour, something important: one can begin to see the uprising, the signs of a general discontent. It all begun at their stop in eleven when Peeta offered money to the tribute's families because they helped Katniss stay alive, and therefore helped him. And Katniss, well she told openly that Rue and Tresh were not meant to die. From that moment the crowed begun to feel more agitated. But Katniss and Peeta read their lines with all that 'Panem today, Panem tomorrow, Panem forever' but the way they spoke let understand that they didn't really believe in it. And who could blame them?

"Annie? Are you ready? Mags is expecting us" calls Finnick.

I was lost in my own world, again. "Coming!" I run down the stairs towards him.

"I race you to her house!" I scream while opening the front door and start running heading for Mags house. I arrive before him and he follows.

He looks at me smiling "You are such a cheater Cresta!"

"But you love me for that right?" I say

"Right. But you know you are crazy?" he replies.

"I've been told before. You know what?"

"What?"

"I love you too"

He hugs me and leans forwards as if to kiss me, but at the last moment he steps away "No time for this, we have to go in!" Finnick knocks on the door "Mags it is us!"

We hear her reply which vaguely reminds of a "Come in". We step in, the table is already ready for dinner Finnick scolds Mags about the fact that she hasn't to fatigue herself excessively, but she just replies that she can still do all of this. She may be old but doesn't want to spend the rest of her days living as an invalid . We spent dinner talking about a lot of things, Mags gives us pleased looks every now and then. She does this since we informed about our plan of getting married one day.

After dinner we turn the TV on to watch Katniss and Peeta's interview. At some point Peeta gets down on his knee and speaks his heart out proposing to Katniss, and she obviously says yes.

"No Way!" shouts Finnick, he looks quite upset with this entire thing.

"What?" I ask bewildered, they both seem so happy about it.

"They are getting married. I can't believe it!"

"They look sincere" I say

"No way! It's an act! This is too well placed to be spontaneous"

"Finn..." starts Mags.

"No Mags, their damn punishment is to get married. They don't even love each other and they Are Getting Married!"

"Finn..." But Finnick doesn't give Mags the chance to finish her sentence. Again.

"It is an act, for Peeta maybe not but for her? Yes!"

"Finnick maybe she just didn't realize it yet. I know someone who did the same thing"

Finnick looks at her confused "Really? Who?"

Mags sighs exasperated... Wait she is talking about him! I want to hear this!

"You!"

Finnick is completely bewildered now "I was not like that!"

"You were, you loved Annie even before you admitted it to yourself. I think it's the same thing with Katniss"

Finnick snorts even louder now "It still isn't fair. I want to get married too! And I would marry being a hundred percent sure about my feelings!"

He sounds like a spoiled child, that is true. But one has to admit that he has got a point: I mean comparing this forced marriage with what happens to the others, it seems a 'soft' punishment. What is a marriage compared to prostitution or having one's family killed? Now that I think about it I am not so sure anymore. Yes, it is a little better but try to live the rest of your life with someone you don't love, in the end it will drive you nuts. And they will have to go on with this, whether it's an act or not: because they are mentors now and every year they are going to show over and over again the story of the star-crossed lovers from District Twelve.

I take Finnick's hand "We will one day and you know that too. But Finn"

"Yes?"

"I'm not so sure that it will be simple for them. It is not only marriage they will have children. Snow will make sure they will in some way"

"And they will get reaped one day" adds Mags. It doesn't matter that the reaping usually happens by chance, it must not be to difficult to falsify the lottery. Slips of paper with only one name on, a slip of paper fixed on the bottom of the ball.

"Right then. But whatever you say I still believe she doesn't love him"

Mags and I reply in unison "As you say".

The rest of the evening passes quickly, we are not really paying much attention to what happens on-screen we are all lost in our thoughts, and after all they show the same thing every year: the only thing that changes is the victor in whose honor the party is throw. Finnick and I stay a little more to help Mags to tidy the kitchen even if she insists that she doesn't need any. It is not really true because she continued to fall asleep on the sofa before. As much as she wishes it weren't true, she is tired and a pair of extra hands are welcome. And I am also sure she really enjoys the company. I didn't really spent much time with her lately, because of all the things that happened in the in-between, but I promise myself this has to change. Who knows how much she will still be with us. I know it can't be forever so I might as well find some more time to spend with her.

We wish Mags goodnight and return to our house, when we are ready for bed Finnick looks at me "How about I give you that kiss I didn't give you earlier?"

"It's too late now" I pout, joking.

"Well..." he slips under the blankets "If you think this, I will go to sleep. Night". This said he turns on his side and closes his eyes.

I giggle and walk towards him, then lie beside him: the space he left is small, so I lie very close to him facing his face. "I was just joking. You can kiss me when you want" I say sweetly, hoping that he moves a little before I fall from the bed.

Finnick opens his eyes and smirks "Whenever?"

"Nearly, now move a little before I fall down!"

Finnick takes my waist and rolls away until I am on the top of him "Nearly?"

I nod.

"Then I must grab the chance, now that I have it"


	40. Chapter 40

**Author's note: **Thanks for the reviews! This is the last chapter before the Quarter Quell announcement. It's not my best chapter but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 40:

The wedding of Katniss and Peeta has become the main topic of conversation. Everywhere, especially in the Capitol. They speak about it all the time on television, and I swear that Caesar Flickerman's new favorite words are star-crossed lovers and District Twelve. They make plans, they make a show all about Katniss' wedding dresses where the public can vote their favorite. In that arena Katniss and Peeta have lost every chance to control their lives: they can't decide anything. This is their price to pay for their victory. I feel a little sorry for them because as bad as our lives are, we still can decide what is best and what to do in our spare time. They can't: their punishment is a constant reminder for them that they are completely under the power of the Capitol.

Of course the Capitol wouldn't be the Capitol if they didn't show in the in-between the increasing power and severity against the Districts. So between one wedding dress and the other, they show new measures of security, such as a higher number of peacekeepers, or oppression and torture happening for free in the District squares. They try desperately to stop an uprising, unfortunately for them they are failing. Or at least I think so, the people in four are restless and displeased. I believe it is the same in the other Districts.

Returning to speak of the wedding: whenever Finnick hears about it he starts to mumble and groan for frustration. I know how much it displeases him. I know it far too well because sometimes I feel the same. It seems quite unfair that they can marry and we can't, but this is how life works and opposite to Finnick I don't need a simple piece of paper to be happy. I am happy this way, the important thing is that we are together. Still the exasperate expressions he makes, always make me laugh with amusement.

"You should have practiced your comedian skills" I say one day after he rolled his eyes for the infinitesimal time.

"Instead of what?" he replies with a seductive smile.

Now it is my time to roll the eyes. "The poet skills! Your poetry is cheesy most of the time"

"Ohi!" in his voice there is a hint of annoyance. It's true that most of the time it is cheesy but it is his and I adore it for this reason.

"Don't get me wrong Finn, I adore it but..."

"Come on, Cresta! You have to admit that I must have some talent. I think I have appeared more times in TV than the president himself, and I think I also had more interviews with Caesar. We are equally famous" he winks "but I am Faaar mooore better looking than both of them!"

I can't resist the temptation to tease him about this: I know that he only pretends to be a narcissistic person but sometimes I do wonder if a part of him is not secretly pleased by his physical appearances.

"Well, only if you are looking for perfection"

"You think me perfect?" he says grinning.

"General opinion, as I heard around. The entire population of Panem of thinks it, while I on the other hand..."

"Yes?" he asks eagerly.

"I would say you are very very very far from being perfect: you have a lot of faults" My voice comes out matter of fact.

"No I don't!"

"Yes you have: you snore, you always take the whole bed for yourself at night, you act far too often as if you were a spoiled child. And you are very annoying: you always blow cold air on my neck when I answer no, and far to often you ask me inappropriate things in equally inappropriate moments"

"It's not true! And I don't take the entire bed for myself, besides I could say that you use me as a bed"

"And whose fault is that?" I pause a moment "I wonder why I am still with you"

"All the things you said are not true!"

I look at him as if to say 'you serious?' and Finnick just begins to laugh. There is a but in my sentence and we both know it, Finnick raises an eyebrow as if to incite me to continue.

"But I love you anyway!"

"Really? Because I love you too Cresta. So much that I actually think it is not healthy" He embraces me and whisper "Let's do it!"

I am astonished by his sudden change of subject "Do what?"

"Marry, if they don't let us we can do it in secret. All we need is a plan!" he kisses me.

"Finn, we already talked about this...we"

"No I am tired of waiting Annie. I" kiss "Want" kiss "To" kiss "Marry you!"

"Finn, please"

"No, I would marry you right here and now, If that was possible. Tough I fear we really need a plan. So Annie Cresta, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife? Notice that I overlook that this is the nth time I ask you"

"Yes I will. Not that it will change anything: it's just a piece of paper with two signatures "

"You will be Annie Odair! Let us marry before the quarter quell Annie! Please please please please"

I look him in the eyes and he pouts as a response. This is what I mean when I say that he acts far to often as a child. A spoilt one. I consider the idea to tell him no, but the thought of us married is too tempting. Forget what I said before: I want to marry him!

"Let's do it" I agree at last. Finnick shrieks a yes for happiness and begins to spin me around the living room, we are both laughing for joy.


	41. Chapter 41

**Author's note:** Imagining Annie's reaction at the Quell announcement is one of the saddest things in the world.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 41:

We are having dinner by Mags this evening. We are sitting at the table, waiting to start eating when the national anthem begins to play on television.

"If this is about the wedding I..." Finnick doesn't finish the sentence because we all see the same thing: the camera zooming on President Snow, standing in front of the Capitol citizens. This is not about the wedding. And for once I would have been happy to hear about Katniss and Peeta because this, this is about the Quarter Quell. It must be.

"It is too soon!" I gasp.

The Quell is months away: what's the point in showing it now? Unless...Unless they came out with a terrible and cruel rule for the Quell. Something that was elaborated with the main purpose to calm down the air in the Districts.

The Quell announcements are supposed to be written when the Hunger Games were invented, but who can really believe in this? Who can really believe that Snow will play fair? No one. Him playing by the rules is not something that is going to happen, therefore this announcement will be something extremely cruel and unexpected. I don't say this as a person who suffers from major anxiety disorders, a person who sees a threat in every small action. I say it rationally because Snow never plays by the rules, as he makes his own, and because the Quells are special edition of the Hunger Games. They occur every twenty-five years and, because they are seen as special occasions, everything can happen in them. Everything. They are even more brutal than the usual games: not only the arenas are better studies but also because the way tributes are chosen.

"Nothing will happen" says Mags, but her voice shows a hint of uncertainty.

I want to trust her, but I can't. Finnick takes my hand, holding it as tight as he can, probably to show some comfort: he knows the same thing that I know. And so does Mags. But Finnick hasn't the courage to deny it openly, and it would be useless.

As we wait the President to start his speech, tension begins to build up between all of us, we are jumpy and hope that the announcement will be made soon. We will know what is coming in future, and we can at least try to go back to our normal lives, spent the next months without having to worry about unexpected twists of events.

_"On the twenty-fifth anniversary to remind the rebels that their children were dying because of their choice to initiate violence, every district was made to hold an election and vote on the tributes who would represent it"_

"I remember that year, District four found a way to have two volunteers so we all wrote their name on the paper, our tributes made it to the final eight, but eventually a boy from two won" explains Mags. I think about her words, this goes for the career districts but what in the poorer district, where the games aren't considerate in the same way? How can someone vote for two children for slaughter? This is what I meant before. It must have been fun for the Capitol. But for the Districts? Certainly not!

_"On the fiftieth anniversary as a reminder that two rebels died for each Capitol citizen, every district was required to send twice so many tributes"_

"That is the year Haymitch Abernathy won?" asks Finnick and Mags just nods. I don't remember him from my victory tour, but then again the entire time I spent after my games is something of a blur. What comes next? I can't think of anything: we already had election and double number of tributes, so what could possibly happen this year?

"What?" I whisper. I don't have an answer from the others but as I finish the sentence Snow makes the announcement. What a timing! Still I could never never have imagined what comes next.

_"On the seventy-fifth anniversary as a reminder to the rebels that even the strongest among them cannot overcame the power of the Capitol, the male and female tributes will be reaped from their existing pool of victory"_

Existing pool of victors. Existing pool of victors.

Existing.

Pool.

Of.

Victors.

These are the only words in my mind, bouncing in it. Over and over. Again and again. Finnick lets my hand go for shock, Mags gasps and I begin to scream. I scream as if my life depended on it, I scream just as I did when I was rescued from the arena.

The arena: I will enter in it one more time, and it will be the last time. I will not survive it. I put my hands on my ears and still don't stop my screaming.

"Annie, please. It's all right, please come back. Do it for me" Finnick takes my hands away and continues to talk to me, but I can't understand half of the things he is saying. My mind just keeps going back to the announcement, those awful words I would have never imagined to hear again, and to my first reaping. And to Caspian volunteering to save me. He died for nothing, and it is my fault.

None of us eats, we just stay there, looking at the empty air. I cry, Finnick tries to hold back his anger but now and then he lets it all out: screaming and banging his fists on the table. And Mags looks at us with rainy eyes, her face full of sorrow. Every time I look up from my plate I see them dying. Beheaded like Caspian, brutally murdered like Estella. Trapped, killed by mutts, drowning. Why don't we stop lying to each other? The evening, no our lives, are ruined again. Again and again and again. Forever. I can't do this. I can sit here watching them and imagine their deaths.

"Excuse me" I whisper, moving aside my chair and walking away. I have to leave, I have to go away. But go away where? Not to my house, mine and Finnick's, that holds so many memories. Happy memories: our first kiss, our dance in the moonlight. We imagined a future there. Lies, all of them because there is no future. Why did we think there was one? Why have we made that mistake?

"Why?" I scream. The urge to elope gets more intense and I run out of the Victors village towards my brother's house, but I can't go there neither because I would only hurt him. He would feel helpless again just as he did when I was reaped for the first time. And like four years ago I will be reaped. Snow hates me and he hates Finnick even more. We were something that was not supposed to happen, something Snow did not considerate in his great scheme. It will be us.

It.

Will.

Be.

Me.

And I cannot go back in the arena, I cannot go back in my nightmares. I wouldn't survive it, I would break down before it even starts.

I want to die.

I'd rather die than have to face my nightmares for a second time.

_Ocean..._ whispers a voice in my head, and I follow its instructions.

I pull of my shoes and head to the water, I'm not afraid of flashbacks any more. Let them come, they won't change anything: the real world is as equally bad. I linger a moment as the cold water moistens my feet, I wait until I don't get used to the sensation. I stand there, with my feet in the ocean, the evening breeze messing my hair and salty tears running down my cheeks. I make a few steps again and stop.

"I'm sorry" and I really am for Caspian who died for nothing, Damien who can do nothing, Finnick for falling in love with me. All the names of the people I hurt fill my mind. All the people who died because of me, who suffer because of me. I want it to stop, I want to stop all of this. Now.

_Do it. It is simple you just have to keep walking._

The voice in my head is back. And it says the truth: I just have to go on walking, I will reach a point when the water around me will pull a trigger and I will have a panic attack. Then I will lose control and there will be no way back. Everything will end. It will all end tonight: the pain, the sorrow and the misery.

I will walk until I will reach oblivion and when it will come I will be free and so will be the ones I made suffer.


End file.
